“When it’s clear that everything will never be the same again, make the choice to hear that voice, and do the next right thing,” Frozen 2.  As humans we search for meaning and comfort and security.  For so many of us, security is knowing what will happen next.  The truth is, there is NO WAY to know what will come our way.  Even the best laid plans can fail or take a detour.  Life is not linear and planning for every possible eventuality is exhausting.  Trust me, I’ve lived it.  Things happen that you never see coming.  Things happen out of your time frame.  You can plan for something and it never happens or it happens years down the road.  In those cases, it still hits you from left field because you weren’t expecting it when it comes. 

Life is dynamic and it is meant to be that way.  The very nature of nature is dynamic and hardly anything ever stays the same.  I’ve said it before, but we are not trees.  And in reality, even trees change their colors, lose their leaves, and start again.  Life moves whether we are prepared for it or not.  Learning to trust that each move is meant to happen is really scary.  When we have a plan we feel will work and it goes wonky, it’s easy to fall into the “why me” or “poor me” mindset.  It’s hard to find the lesson when we were attached to an outcome or when we truly believed something was meant to go a certain way. 

The beautiful thing about the ebb and flow of life is the absolute ride it is.  Whatever we don’t understand in the moment will always reveal itself as making sense at some point.  When things look like they’re about to take a turn, my advice is simple: LEAN IN.  Every human on this planet has moments where things are never the same.  Some are gradual where we evolve and it may appear nothing is happening but we slowly realize that we are not who we were before.  Others are immediate and we are thrust into it with no warning.  Some of these things we prepare for (like having a child or getting a new job) and others we know are coming but we don’t know when (something breaks or there’s a death).  No matter what it is, we are not the same and we always have a choice.

I’ve spoken many times about evolution and the purpose of change and the choices we have when we are faced with any type of situation that requires us to get outside of the box.  Whether we have control of the situation or not is irrelevant—we always have control of how we respond.  We are not alone when our worlds shift.  That is the only constant we can expect: that things will change.  I’ve spent a lifetime trying to recreate or hold onto my past, a past I idolatrized to my own detriment.  I’ve carried the weight of things and times long gone by in hopes that I could get that feeling again.  Wishing for things to be the same does nothing but keep us out of our present alignment and prevents us from achieving our goals or fulfilling our purpose.   

So when you face these moments, be brave enough to accept what is happening.  Acknowledge that where you’re going is not where you’ve been, admit that what is happening isn’t working, accept that something different needs to be done.  Don’t let the fact that something is different deter you from the possibilities it may bring.  Don’t let fear stop you from opening up to something great, something that may be exactly what you need.  Just get out of your own way and take the next right step.  Remember, when things look like they’re falling apart, they may actually be falling together.

I listened to a talk from Tom Bilyeu Lewis Howes where they discussed the definition of meek.  This really struck me because I’ve always looked at meek as a doormat, end of story.  Bilyeu and Howes took a different interpretation of it—even though Bilyeu initially agreed with my interpretation.  Now, to preface this, we often feel like we need to put on a tough persona so people don’t take advantage of us.  We are also fed messages about honey attracting more flies than vinegar.  So we deal with some pretty mixed messages as a whole.  During the conversation, Howes interpreted meek as somebody who has the beast inside but can keep it controlled and quoted a Chines proverb that says, “It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.”  That floored me.

Being meek has nothing to do with being stepped on.  It has everything to do with keeping that rage inside under control and choosing how you express yourself.  You tread cautiously but you are aware and you take the time to evaluate before you respond.  Meek isn’t a doormat—meek is a self-composed rock star.  The saying, “Do no harm but take no shit,” comes to mind (attributed to Moira Fowley-Doyle).  There are limits with meek because the meek know what is best for them and they abstain or partake as appropriate. Meek is pretty bad ass, to be honest.

I think the reason this conversation struck me as so important right now is because the ENTIRE world is in turmoil in some way or another.  We are being misled and misguided on a daily basis and it is so challenging to make heads or tails of what is really going on.  We are trained to buy into fear and then buy a coffee and then buy a seat or shut up as we watch the world burn around us.  It is time to drastically change this story.  The best way to do that is to start redefining things in your life, including how you define words or any preconceived notions you may have.  Once you can see the world through new eyes, it never looks the same.

If we learn to slow down and really evaluate what is actually happening over what we are told is happening, we may just be able to hear each other enough to come to some sort of solution.  We have to learn to control what is inside of us and to stop interpreting other people’s opinions as a threat.  Then we need to put our egos aside and understand that our ego is not telling the truth and it doesn’t have our best interest at heart.  The ego is only designed to make us look good and will serve no purpose in a real discussion about making things better.  Coming together is so important and unifying over a common goal is the best way to do that.  I’m not saying all will be rainbows and sunshine, but I am saying that we can stand to learn some patience and trust and to shut our mouths for a minute.

I’ve always been a strong willed person and I completely messed that up for a long time.  I thought the point of being strong willed was to be right.  I see now that I am strong enough to help those who can’t help themselves and I am not afraid to fight for the underdog.  We have all been blessed with common sense and it is high time that we all start using it again.  Take care of each other.  All of the rest is nonsense.  So when it comes to being meek, I am all about tending what is mine in order to teach others to care for theirs.  I am all about keeping myself in control to see the truth, to hear other sides, and to learn.  I may not be perfect at it, but I am working on it.  So, I’m cool with being meek.  I’m cool with sharing my message and letting people figure it out.  I’m not worried because this isn’t about power.  It’s about the long game—and whether you like it or not, we are all playing.

I’m listening to Mel Robbins discuss working with the universe and how we put things into motion in our lives.  When we start behaving and acting in a way authentically aligned with who we are, responding to the call of our soul, the universe responds.  We get signs and feedback and clues to our next steps and often, we are shown signs that what we have chosen for ourselves is right. I can absolutely say with 100% certainty that this is true.  I’ve made some radical changes in the last few months and I have had to take a long look at my behavior.  Seeing what I need to do and taking action on it has been the key in making the shifts I wanted, happen.  For example, I know I’ve needed to strengthen my resolve and trust my leadership abilities and, as timing would have it, the universe gave me an opportunity. 

I’ve been dealing with an incredibly emotional and difficult situation at work.  I felt quite lost because I KNEW what I did was right and I knew that I handled myself well but I still had to work my way through a challenge to my abilities as well as my character.  This wasn’t an emotional issue for me as far as “right” or “wrong,” it was emotional because I knew it was right and I was questioning the follow through.  I also knew I had to go through this to learn how to stand my ground with people I normally wouldn’t challenge (my boss and human resources and an angry employee).  And as soon as I did and backed myself up, everything fell into place.  The situation resolved itself, I learned I could trust myself, and I learned I could handle myself well.        

I learned a few lessons as well.  When it comes to manifesting, I need some work in the honesty department—clarity too.  I’ve been practicing but these are areas that make manifesting all the easier.   For the work situation, I wasn’t entirely honest when it came to how things were handled.  My boss made the comment, “I hope you feel supported.”  I told her, “It’s not that I don’t feel supported, I don’t feel safe.”  The truth was quite simple—I didn’t feel safe because I didn’t feel entirely supported.  Now, I’ve mentioned this before so I’ll say it again: I genuinely feel like my boss is the kind of person where she sees the potential and she wants me to step up.  I don’t feel she’s being malicious.  But in this case, there was a clear line that needed to be upheld and we were working in some pretty grey territory.  I knew I had her support on a personal level—no doubt.  But on a professional level, I could see she felt nervous to take a stand.  So, I’ve learned that I could have been more honest in what I needed.  I’ve also learned that I am able to express fact without emotion tied to it.  And when things run their course, they are done.      

Moving forward, I feel slightly hypocritical.  The work example is just one of what is going on, but the truth now is that I feel so incredibly blessed and I know I am ready to level up in many ways….but I know there are some steps I need to take now and I am terrified to take them.  Not because I fear lack of support—but because I fear that I will do so well and I won’t be able to maintain it.  I still lack the confidence to maintain what I start.  And that is where clarity comes in.  When you are creating a new life for yourself, you CAN NOT be vague.  It does not work.  Today’s message from Robbins’ talk hit me at exactly the right time: if you are going to create something and you are getting the signs that it is right, you need to run with it.  And who would I be if I didn’t follow my own advice and trust that it is right?  The point is simple: pay attention and take the chances given to us.  They are all part of what we asked for.  Believe they are for you because I can guarantee they are.

A quick note on love and maybe a little bit about time 😊.  My husband, son, and I went and spent some time with my Aunt and Uncle on Friday night.  We haven’t seen them for a while and we just did a quick trip because they’re cleaning up and trying to move things on and out of their house.  As I watched my son run around their yard, the same yard I used to run around on visits as a child, I started thinking about how everything changes.  Well, really, it feels like it’s all the same and then one day you wake up and it’s all different.  But we are given such an amazing gift to have this life.  The passing of time isn’t something to lament—it is a reminder to make the most of what we have.

We let so much time pass between us, either as a natural factor of life or because of stupid stuff, and then we blink and nothing is as it was.  It’s amazing how we can go about our lives and often forget what is right in front of us.  My family has gone through a lot of transition this year, moving, changing business locations, closing businesses, entering retirement, the loss of my baby, us buying a new house, my son entering school soon—it all gets so overwhelming.  But it is also a very real reminder how absolutely precious this time is.  I’ve listened to my parents argue and complain about each other for years and after visiting with my aunt and uncle, it hit me: this is all going to end someday.  Whether we like it or not, whether we are frustrated in our present circumstances or not, this is all going to end.  Stop being so miserable.  Enjoy what we have.

I’m no angel in that behavior and I’ve often allowed stupid things to get the best of me so I’ve fought with my husband when I should have let things go, I’ve snapped at my kid, I’ve become frustrated at work.  And as I see my family aging around me, I realize I’m aging too.  The opportunities I had and the experiences I had that felt like yesterday are truly in the past.  So taking the time to enjoy and share what we have now is key.  Fighting over stupid stuff is absolutely pointless.  Feeling any discontent in your day is pointless.  Make room for joy.  We have the ability to love and we are given so many opportunities to express it.  And seeing how short this trip on Earth really is, we should take that opportunity as often as we can.  Time is special, invaluable—use it to the best of your ability while you have it and never take this life for granted. 

“Never beg for a seat when you can build your own table,” Bashar Kataou.  This is a great follow up to our last discussion on illusion and waking up to our power.  There is a fine line when it comes to ego.  We need to recognize what we are capable of but it needs to come from a place of authentic connection and purpose.  If it comes from a place of proving worth or hiding who we really are, then we have missed the point which is that we have power to do good for all, not just ourselves.  Now, with that being said, when we let go of the illusion that we need to protect a broken system and start waking up to our power, you learn very quickly just how much we can rely on ourselves and what we are capable of building. 

We undervalue ourselves—and we are trained to do so.  We are also trained to undervalue others because we believe protecting ego is a priority.  We are trained to make snap decisions and judge people on what they look like rather than their character.  We seek to be right over doing what is right.  And then when our confidence gets so low, we seek validation from those who have no impact on our lives, trying to prove our worth.  My friends, that is an inside job and no amount of material or praise from anyone outside is going to make us believe we are good enough.  When you let someone else set the bar in your life there is always something else to go for—that marker gets moved further and further away. 

When we claim our power, we immediately create a place of our own.  It may not be as big or “impressive” as we think we need, but that power is REAL.  When we stop the cycle, the game of proving and turn inward to hear what our truth is, we no longer need what society tells us we do.  We learn to see.  There is such a thin veil over reality that we all pretend doesn’t exist, and when we choose to live without it, we can’t go back.  We stop hating ourselves for what we are not and start loving ourselves for who we are.  And then, we can stop attacking others or labeling others based on our insecurities and we can stop trying to be right or blaming others for where we are.  We reclaim our power.

We start seeing that the life we are told to live is just a morsel of what we could have.  Now, I don’t pretend that giving up our securities in favor of going it alone is easy.  And I honestly don’t recommend going it alone.  I want you all to see that there are real options.  Things we can build with our own hands, a life we can create that feels right for us.  A life that is meaningful and joyful and purposeful and yes, collaborative and mutually beneficial for all.  When we unleash our gifts, the entire world does better.  And no, I do not pretend that taking the leap automatically means the world we know will improve.  We have to be willing to accept responsibility for what happens, whether good or bad.  But there is nothing greater than learning to take those steps and aligning with who we are.

So, the balancing act may feel overwhelming at first.  We need to recognize enough of our power to motivate us to move forward, but we have to be humble enough to have a purpose.  The bottom line is don’t ever give anyone the ability to determine your worth or set the bar in your life.  Don’t ever let someone tell you where you do and don’t belong.  And if you’re going to have to prove your worth to fit in anywhere, ask if that’s where you really want to be.  We are divine creatures able to commune and co-create our worlds-if someone doesn’t want you in theirs, then let them be.  Create your own world and don’t let what’s on the outside influence what you know is right for you.  Truthfully, we have been begging to sit at a table when we could have built our own.  Don’t let the world’s inability to see your worth make you doubt yourself.  Step up and live your life, and when you shine so bright they will wonder how they ever missed your light.    

“People don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed, and the greatest illusion is that mankind has limitations,” via law of void.  Part two on telling the truth.  I wanted to follow up the discussion on truth with a slightly more specific outlook.  Aside from our emotional misperception of truth, there is an internalized misperception as well.  Yes, it’s easier to defend our ego than our platform/views, but that is because we have misguided ideas about what needs defending.  We uphold outdated paradigms to keep people in line thinking that is what’s best because it worked 100 years ago.  But what was appropriate 100 years ago is no longer appropriate today.  We are no longer in survival mode, even if it’s protecting the survival of a system. We have to let go of the illusion that any of what’s happening today is ok, that the system works.  

As we awaken a new world and slowly (ever so slowly) recognize the real root of our anxiety, discontent, and anger, we know what once was no longer serves. That root is the fact that we are living a life not aligned with our purpose.  We hear what we need to do but we are trained to ignore it.  We’ve been told for centuries that we need to play it safe and that if we follow a prescribed pattern/plan that we will be taken care of.  We’ve been kept in a box because what we truly feel is suppressed at all times, we never learn to fully label or explain what we think/feel, and we have a desire for something tangible that we are told we can’t have as they dangle the carrot of entertainment and distraction in front of us. 

There are real rumblings inside of all of us that guide us exactly where we need to be and will tell us exactly what we think/feel if we listen to it.  But that requires suppressing the false instincts we were fed from infancy.  It requires letting go of the idea that this system serves and protects the people and learning to trust your instincts.  It requires believing that what you have inside is powerful enough to carry you.  We are never taught to believe that we are limitless because we are much harder to control when we have control of ourselves.  We spend a great deal of time creating an image for people: looking a certain way, dressing a certain way, speaking a certain way, trying to obtain certain things to get status.  We live in a world of sleight of hand—and we all feel it. 

The truth is, yes that illusion and performative behavior is taught, but we do feel safe there.  We have a say in what the world gets to see and that gives us a sense of control.  That is why it’s so easy to become righteously angered when our coffee order is wrong; we tie more meaning to what we look like than to what we feel.  But as we go through life, there comes a point where EVERYONE hears that voice inside that says, “This isn’t me—this is a lie.”  And then we start flailing about trying to cling to an identity because, if we’re not who we devoted this time to creating, then who are we? Ego is what we cling to but our hearts get louder and louder until they can no longer be silenced.

We have infinite possibilities in this world and every one of them is an opportunity to release a gift that we are meant to share with the world.  Nostalgia or, “It’s the way we’ve always done it,” is a pretty poor reason to continue something that is harmful to ourselves and others.  We convince ourselves it works because we are afraid of what is on the other side.  We are afraid of the learning curve and what happens when we operate differently.  It’s out of our comfort zone and the safety of the “known” we’ve created.  The truth is, it’s all a show, an illusion.  We can spend a lot of years miserable doing something we know doesn’t work for us or we can take the chance to make what we know is right, work.  And yes, that does require letting go of the image we cling to.  There is an entire universe of possibility awaiting us—we just have to let go.

Today I am grateful for pure, unadulterated, joy.  I watched my son go to his friend’s house alone for the first time ever (the friend’s parents were there).  He’s been with me every day since the pandemic started and he was only 3 when that happened, so letting him go was a huge step for me.  I feel this pang of anxiety and fear as I watch the little person he is becoming.  It is quite clear he is no longer my “little boy” to tell what to do (within reason of course).  His fierceness and independence are unmatched and I am so proud that he managed to play with his friends and he came home when he needed to.  After he got home, he was so thrilled that he got to play with his friends and I know without a doubt that he needs more freedom.  He needs to have fun and let loose.  It has been a really tough couple of years holding him back from the things he wants to do because of the pandemic, but he has spent nearly half of his life in this.  I am so grateful that he was able to have a few minutes of real fun with his friends.

Today I am grateful for the progress I’ve made with recognizing my habits and calling myself on my bullshit.  We all tell ourselves lies and we rarely hold ourselves accountable.  I have worked incredibly hard to get better at that because I KNOW that unless I am able to confront those demons and do the work I need to do, I won’t get anywhere.  Resilience and tenacity will take you further than talking about something ever will.  And if we know what we have to do, then we HAVE TO DO IT.  I have allowed myself some slack because the amount of work I’ve gone through this year and the physical issues leading up to losing my baby.  I felt like I needed more time to prepare and move on.  The universe is telling me to strap in because it is time.  There are no more excuses.  Everything happens for a reason so I need to stop coddling myself.  I have toughened up, but it is time to do more.  

Today I am grateful to be who I am meant to be.  I’ve always had a funny thing with time.  If I think too long or too hard about the passage of time, I put myself into a state of anxiety and I quickly spiral into morbid depression.  I’ve been thinking a lot about that over the last few weeks as I’ve been going through my things and getting rid of what no longer serves and then all over again as I find things at my parent’s or even my uncle’s that they are cleaning up.  It is such a trip to see the things of so many years ago.  I remember how I held my family on a pedestal when I was younger, and as we go through these things, it’s apparent they didn’t know what they were doing either.  We are all just winging it.  I’m not meant to repeat what they did—I’m meant to take it to the next level.  Staying in the past will not move any of us forward.  I’m here to make my own way.  I honor what we had together, the memories, and I am grateful to move on.

Today I am grateful for clarity in my life.  As I’ve begun to make peace with the past and letting things go, I’m accepting who I am outside of what I was told to be.  I am happy to go for the things I want and I am lessening the shame in creating the life I want.  It is the first time in my life I’m accepting exactly what I want.  There never was any shame, that was all in my head.  The guilt, too.  There is no reason to feel guilty for what makes you happy.  There is no reason to feel shame in who we are.  The more we accept the pieces of ourselves, the easier it is to let go of what we are not.  Taking the first step in the direction of my “am-ness” has been the most freeing experience in my life.  All of the self-help has been amazing, but action is where you feel it.  It’s like living life in high def.   

Today I am grateful to feel a sense of peace.  Practicing emotional control is never easy and this last week has put that resolve to the test in numerous ways.  When I get myself in a state of agitation, it is really hard to see anything for what it is.  I make mistakes, I react, and things don’t get done.  There truly are things beyond our control and I tend to struggle with that.  I like it when things make sense.  But I’ve realized how heavy that burden is.  Some things simply are what they are and we have to move on.  Peace doesn’t come from controlling the situation.  Peace comes from accepting what it is (whatever it may be) and letting go.  I have put down the obligations that were never mine to bear in the first place.  Things that don’t need my opinion or my action don’t need my words, time, or attention.  Things that require my energy come first, everything else is put away.  And it feels good.  Put down what you no longer need to carry.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“We live in a generation where telling the truth is rude,” via the mindset mentor.  We have fostered a culture so egotistically sensitive that no one wants to live in reality any longer.  Opinions count as fact and how someone feels is more important than what actually happened.  I’m working through a sticky situation at work and we’ve been dancing around the issue for a long time.  Now that we are addressing it, there are feelings involved and complications around providing accommodations for someone who doesn’t really want to be there.  It’s amazing the effort an unhappy person will make to cling to their idea of right, trying to change everyone around them, rather than get honest with themselves and find where they really want to be.

I personally fear telling the truth at times.  I’ve always been a pretty objective person—not that I’m perfect at it because believe me, I can still be judge-y as hell—but I ALWAYS make an effort to see all sides.  I can mediate an argument and get my teams to function well together like no ones business.  I can get them to take their emotions out of it.  But when I’m expressing my honest opinion, I tend to get super emotional and hold back.  I still have moments when I fear what people will think of me.  I’m hyper-aware that most people don’t take a step back in conversation so they don’t see things as objectively as I do or they aren’t trained to take things at face value to take in another side.

We have become so aware of emotion and sensitivity that we’ve clouded reality.  The problem is, it isn’t genuine emotion.  It’s performative and manipulative emotion.  We want people to see us in a certain way so we behave how we think THEY think someone would behave or we turn up the dial on the sensitivity to the point where a smile is offensive.  We are ALWAYS on, trying to get people to treat us a certain way.  This is why we have issues when people correct us.  For example, someone consistently shows up 15 minutes late to work—every day, different excuses each time.  We have a conversation where they are told to leave 15 minutes earlier and the world ends. 

I will be honest, for a LONG time I was overly sensitive.  Not that I offended easily (I have a really sick sense of humor) but I took things personally.  Like, really personally.  I projected my own insecurity as the reason why certain things didn’t come to light for me. It has taken a TON of honesty and stripping away of bullshit to get to the point where I know I had to turn down the sensitivity in my life.  I had to shift my perspective and root in reality and that is something I strive to do every day.   

The truth is we do need to address emotion but we haven’t trained people how to deal with it and what it really is.  We also haven’t trained people how to really get in touch with who they are and what they’re feeling.  They behave how they think they’re supposed to based on what they’ve seen, not what they’re actually feeling.  We are so desperate for an identity that, instead of taking the time to look within, we start creating these categories for us to fit into so we have a unique space.  We haven’t taught that we each HAVE a unique space in us and all we have to do is get quiet enough to hear it, and tune in.  There are very real signals inside of us that will tell us exactly who we are.  We don’t need to create something so extreme that we become unrecognizable based on what we look like or what our interests are.  When we tap into what is already inside of us, we will naturally turn into something unrecognizable.  We become who we ARE, not what we want to project.

Until we learn to master those skills, there will be this perceived sense of insecurity and persecution.  And yes, the truth will be regarded as offensive.  Shit, we spent the last four years in someone else’s daydream on a massive scale.  There is something to be said for mass consumption and mass delusion—it means we are quicker to believe what someone tells us over what we know.  The good news with this is that if we tailor the message and start sharing some truth bombs, maybe more people will get on board.  Granted, people can’t take in a message before they are ready.  But we can start shifting our mindset to deal with genuine emotional issues instead of egoic issues we pretend are emotional (and for the record, discounting reality for your opinion is actually what’s rude).  We can teach getting honest with ourselves and appreciating reality over interpretation.  We can teach humanity instead of supremacy/hierarchy/consumerism and work toward something that is really great for everyone.  Once those needs are met, this bullshit won’t exist anymore.

“You live in a mirrorverse.  Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world,” via law of void.  I spent years complaining about how things were in my life, lamenting that I wasn’t where I wanted to be.  I blamed everyone around me.  My husband didn’t do what he was “supposed” to do, my parents had high expectations, people were out to get me, they didn’t want me to succeed, I was too short to be taken seriously so people didn’t give me a chance, my mistakes were permanent, and I was always “being punished.”  There were nuggets of truth in each of those statements, but none of them were THE truth.  I couldn’t see past the injustice of it at the time.  I spent my time collecting things and holding onto the things I had collected before and carrying all of that stuff with me. I lived in a relic of time gone by, of dreams I once had, a time of who I was.

While I was proud of the successes I had and grateful for the opportunities, I knew I had to do more.  I looked at so much of what I did as a burden because it didn’t feel like it was mine.  I mean, you carry someone else’s baggage through the airport while they walk unencumbered, you’d get ticked too.  Now, imagine carrying that for a lifetime.  I realized that it was a combination of my own expectations as well as buying into what those around me expected and that I needed to put it down.  I wanted to do more.  More of what I wanted.  More of what I was meant to do.  I wanted to invite more of the things I wanted in my life in my life.  That meant taking ownership. 

Responsibility is a scary thing, and I’ve talked a lot about that here.  We put a lot of pressure on outcomes, yields, and results in this society and when we pursue something, we are “supposed” to have some “valid” or quantifiable result to show people.  We too often discredit the work that goes into becoming what we want to be.  We have to strip away everything we have been taught to believe, to pursue, to love and start going after what we actually believe, what we really want, and what really means something to us.  It is an unbecoming of a false skin and an unloading of false data and it is scary in the emptiness when you once had something tangible to hold onto.  But if the things around you no longer have meaning, put them down.  Sit in the stillness/emptiness.  We have to clear before we move on.

The bottom line is the outside is a reflection of the inside.  If you’re confused and unclear in what you’re trying to do, there won’t be clear results.  If you’re trying to do a million things at once, you will accumulate a million unfinished things around you.  All of the anger I had about the outside world shifted when I saw that I could change my inner world.  It’s a daily process and will probably always be a work in progress, but I am willing to do that work in order to get what is really meant for me over suffering at the hands of what someone tells me I am worth.  No.  Focus and flexibility are all that is required to move mountains.  Pause.  Breathe.  Get clear.  Get moving.

“The version of me you created in your mind is not my responsibility via universe.inside.you.  I love this one.  For me there was a lot to unpack when it came to other people’s expectations of me and their definitions of who I was.  There is still a lot to unpack about why I still fall into that pattern.  What started as a child’s need for validation turned into an adult paralyzed by what other people thought of me.  The need for permission and a lot of hiding in my own space because that is where I felt free.  My whole life felt performative for a long time and I’ve spoken about how it didn’t even feel like mine.  Regardless of any success or progress I had, whatever marker I achieved to show my parents I could do it, there was always the next thing.  And most of it felt pretty hollow. 

I didn’t think I was supposed to be anything more than a series of wins and if I didn’t win, then suddenly I was no longer worthy.  The amount of unlearning I had to do to solidify the belief that my existence was enough felt insurmountable.  Every layer brought out another wound and when I thought I moved forward, there was still more beneath.  It wasn’t until I really started digging into purpose and the relationship we have with time that I began to reclaim my autonomy and the authority in my own life.  That and the recognition of how many people were capable of doing amazing things.  Big or small, it didn’t matter, if they wanted to do something they did it.  By the time I got to adulthood I was stuck in corporate land and still needing to ask permission for a day off.  That is when I decided enough was enough.  I was tired of living in a cage.

I took a hard look around and realized that I was living up to everyone else’s expectations except my own.  It became really challenging to function around other people because I felt like I had to be someone different with everyone.  I felt like I let parts of myself show through with each individual and they automatically defined me in a certain way.  Then I had to be that way and I started living my life to make others comfortable rather than fulfilling my dreams.  I did the things other people wanted me to do and I tried doing things I saw other people doing.  Learning to get quiet with myself and to really hear the core of my desires was really challenging.  It felt selfish and wrong at first, like the things I wanted were something to be ashamed of or greedy.  But let me tell you, there is no shame in what your heart is telling you is right.

Once I made peace with that, I realized that I no longer needed to put on a show.  In living this life, we get one shot and I knew that included me.  I couldn’t pass up anymore time.  I heartily began questioning why on Earth someone else’s desires/expectations were more important than my own—I’m living MY life, why should they have any say in it?  Myleik Teele said it best, “You’re trying to run my race on your legs.”  So GOOD.  The thoughts people have about you are really a projection of them.  Their fears of your failure are really a projection of their fears.  They weren’t really seeing what I could do—they were seeing what they COULDN’T do.  So why was I living up to their expectation?  Why do any of us?  They don’t think they can make it through the day, do you think they have enough energy to see where you’re going?

I was no longer meant to stay in the cage of the perfect girl, always doing what she is told, making safe moves, following the path.  Even on that path, no matter how well I did, I still had to fight twice as hard to get there.  That was a lot of wasted energy on things I didn’t even want.  But I realized that if people couldn’t see their own potential, there was no way they could see mine.  It wasn’t my responsibility to be the person they thought I was—it was my responsibility to define and flex who I was as I saw fit.  That goes for EVERYONE. I held onto who I thought I was supposed to be for too long and it created a TON of internal conflict because my heart and my mind were telling me what was right for me but that nagging guilt told me I had to do something else.  Trying to satisfy both got me nowhere.

For those of you struggling to define yourself or to break free from someone else’s definition, this is your permission slip.  Put down the weight of what they say you are.  Put down the imposed responsibility of maintaining an image for the sake of someone else’s comfort.  Step into who you are.  No matter what you do, someone is going to talk.  It literally doesn’t matter. So do what makes you happy, do what feels right, do whatever you want as long as you do no harm.  Their happiness isn’t your responsibility: your happiness is your responsibility.  People may feel hurt about your choices because they’re not getting what they want from you.  Do it anyway.  You set the bar.  You make the choice.  It’s yours.