“Pay attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around because that’s the universe giving you a hint of who you should embrace or stray from,” Via law of essence. This is a tricky one. Our society sends constantly conflicting messages about our interactions with people and how we should treat them as well as how we should react. Ironically, even with some set of social guidance, we all tend to go against what we were trained to do anyway…meaning if we are told to be nice and to accept people, we still struggle to be open enough to different viewpoints. This applies to everything from social injustice and watching it happen to voicing our opinions when we should keep quiet. It’s all about energy and how we decide to use it. What arguments we engage in as well as where we work and who we spend our downtime with. How we spend our time says a great deal about the person we’ve decided to become as well as the results we get.
Now we throw in people pleasing. I’ve spoken quite extensively on the fact that I grew up with the belief that I should sacrifice my own interests or opportunities in the hope that people would do the same for me. In the plainest sense, it is a sweet belief. One founded on the ideal that people will help each other and will do the right thing, that people are fundamentally good. While that may hold true, what kind of person does that behavior really attract? It attracts opportunists and people who have no respect for boundaries. When you have no boundaries, people will jump at the opportunity to get what they want from you. Even if it’s them prioritizing their wants over your needs. To that point, protect your energy. If it’s ever a choice between getting what you need versus what someone else wants, you win every time—and that is not selfish.
As social animals, we want to be accepted and we tend to mold ourselves to the crowd in order to get that acceptance. But all interactions are an energy exchange and if we aren’t being honest, then we can end up spending our time doing things that aren’t in our best interest, or simply, that aren’t founded in who we are. Don’t get me wrong, we need social interaction, but it needs to be genuine and it needs to serve a purpose. As what your purpose is. I will always caveat that with the fact that we need to give people a chance to show their true colors and we should never judge a book by its cover. That doesn’t negate that we have a say in what we accept in our lives or the behavior we accept from ourselves. Sometimes we have to create the line clearly and stick with it even if it goes against the group.
With that being said, we also have to take the time to define who we are and who we want to be. There are times your social group or your work group is genuinely perfectly fine but you hear a different calling. You know you no longer belong because you’re meant for something different. This can be the most difficult position to be in. I mean, it’s pretty clear if you’re hanging out with people stuck in a dysfunctional or negative pattern with no desire to change that you won’t get anywhere. But when there are highly functioning people who support you, but your ideas and ideals start to veer off a bit, what do you do? You need to make a decision.
A quote attributed to Jim Rohn says, “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” I actually have another piece I wrote about that a while ago. When it comes to making decisions about the life you want, you have to look at the company you keep as an indicator of where you will go. It’s all a choice. When you are with someone who makes you feel good, is it a reciprocation of energy or is it a high? Do the people you spend time with motivate you or deplete you? There is nothing wrong with protecting your energy and deciding you want to do something different. There is nothing wrong with changing the company you keep if you are not motivated or excited after being with people. While we can’t rely on people to fulfill our energy, we can expect to reciprocate energy. We get what we give and vice versa. We always know in our guts what is right for us so listen. How we feel is the best indicator of what we need. Pay attention and guide yourself.