An appropriate story to follow up our talk on resignation and what fits is a little story about my car. I’ve driven a small SUV for the last eight years. I originally wanted the SUV to cart around my table from my massage therapy days because I had a little Ford Focus at the time. I got the SUV and it was so intimidating at first. I’m a small woman so going from the tiny Focus to the bigger car (even though it was a small SUV) felt like going into a tank. But that car protected me and got me through the last eight years, eight winters, it brought home my son, and took us through two moves. I loved that car and I thought I needed it for my lifestyle. But as it happens to all things, time has taken its toll on it and I have a long commute so she got tired and I knew I needed something new.
I recently sold my car and I’m using something smaller until I decide what I want to do (purchase the small car or buy another car). At first it was weird because it felt like going from a tank to a go cart in one night. But it has taught me there is value in moving into something that fits us. I barely have to adjust the seat on this thing, I can reach the pedals no problem, I can see all around me, and I’m back in a car that my head actually goes above the seat. Not to mention the heat works and my windows don’t freeze. Regardless, this isn’t the vehicle I saw myself in, especially living where I do. But the ride is nice, it feels like I’m in control, and I am not scared of not seeing something because it responds well to me and I know I can handle it. Sometimes the thing we don’t want is what we need.
Just because you thought you needed something a certain way or a certain thing to make your life a certain way, it doesn’t mean every facet of you life needs to be that way. Sometimes grandiose is too much. Sometimes you’re looking for just enough. Something that fits you. I’m not saying I’m an overly lavish or showy person, but I thought I needed so much space. Maybe it was my subconscious trying to create value for me by taking up more space than I needed. But it feels different being somewhere that does fit. I’m actually going through this with my clothes and shoes.
Right now I am trying to see where I fit in the world. More importantly I am finding what fits me. Instead of asking where I fit in, I’m asking what fits me. I’m not adapting to any situation now or asking to be accepted or viewed a certain way: this is what you get. And it is so hard for me as a life long people pleaser because that external validation meant everything to me. But when we validate ourselves and accept what we really need, not what we are told we need, we find the pieces that fit. Right now I’m in a wonderful transition. It is chaotic and terrifying, exhausting, and yes, it is even sad for me. I won’t diminish all the feelings in this. It doesn’t mean I don’t love it at the same time, it just doesn’t look how I thought it would. That doesn’t mean it isn’t right for me. I’m grateful.
Tonight I share a more sobering story. I work in healthcare so I see a ton of cases that run the gamut of emotions and experiences. I recently felt emotional given what is going on with my mother and navigating more challenges, and then it happened: I saw a case where a young man, only 18 years old, passed away very shortly after the holidays. I’ve seen this type of case before, but something struck me about this one. I took it as a reminder that the world needs us all to be a little more tender moving forward, to remember the fragility of life. We aren’t promised anything so we need to take advantage and respect what we have while we have it. In fragility there is also strength. There is living. Things change, decades pass and we are still doing the same thing, but somehow, everything is different. We wake up one day and ask what the hell happened. How did it get like THIS? We blink, and an entire lifetime is gone. That is my biggest fear.
I’ve lived like that for the last two decades of my life and I’ve been making a really concentrated effort to stop that over the last few weeks. I found myself feeling so down again, and in so much emotional distress that it hurt. I felt like a caged rat and I felt like I couldn’t find the answers regardless of what I did. I felt myself OUT OF CONTROL. And that is when it hit me: I’ve been tying myself up in knots over things I literally have no control over. I’ve been living what I thought I wanted and trying to make it all work.
I don’t want to miss my life, I don’t want to miss out on it. I want to enjoy it while I can because it is so evident that tomorrow isn’t promised. I’m seeing my parents get older and I’m feeling it myself. It breaks my heart as I know what my parents are going through is partially avoidable as it deals with mindset. But they too are human and I need to accept their choices as they have accepted mine. Making them be who I need them to be isn’t my role. It’s my role to take care of them as they are and love them while I can. It’s time for me to take responsibility for what I do and creating the life I want. I don’t want an image of the life I want, I want to actually life that life. And that means the focus is moving forward, not stuck on what was, no matter how I felt safe back then.
It doesn’t matter how old or young we are, we all get one life, and it moves in one direction. I take solace in learning that we are all meant to be where we are at the right time, but I don’t pretend that it all goes away some day. I still get a little sad by that. But I don’t want to waste any more time wishing it was like it used to be or that it becomes something else—that isn’t being where we are, and that isn’t living. So, seeing the young ones pass and the old ones moving on in their time reminds me that we all have our day. Yes it is sad, but it is also the truth. Don’t let that stop you, let that motivate you. Take what you want and go for it because that is what it’s about.
We are coming full circle on some topics over the past week: from knowing our worth and setting boundaries with work, to not taking life seriously, to prioritizing what is important to us (and releasing the guilt with that). I want to talk about what is happening as a society. I’ve spoken about ushering in a new paradigm and that is happening naturally whether we like it or not. We’ve all spoken about the “great resignation” over the last year. Marianne Williamson talked about how it really isn’t a resignation that is happening. What we are seeing is a re-evaluation of what is important. Being away from family and making a job that would replace you in an instant a priority just isn’t appealing to anyone anymore. Add in that life is considerably more expensive now and salaries are not growing to match it doesn’t help.
We are seeing the job isn’t quite as important as we thought because we can put in all the hours in the world and it still won’t be enough. We can learn to make money sacrificing time but we can’t get that time back. What is important is family. Our loved ones in general. The place we live, both our home and our Earth. Joy. And of course, time. I’ve been given messages over and over again that I can’t live in multiple worlds. I still have a foot in the 9-5 world as well as a foot in the entrepreneur world and I know where my heart is telling me to go. It is time to make the choice to trust myself enough to do what I need to. The same can be said for all of us.
I’ve realized that I can no longer wait to see what pans out—it is time to commit and take the steps needed to get where I want to go. It is time to stop forcing, fighting, feeling like shit to make it work. I don’t want to make it work anymore. I’ve been trying to wear two different size shoes in jeans that are too big and shirts that are too small to make it seem like I fit in. We are reminded that we need to work with what fits us. That is where the magic happens!! It isn’t just about flow—flow happens when we get in this mindset, yes, but this is about the feeling that comes with doing what we are meant to. It is the perfect fit, the perfect combination of ease and effort. I’m not saying every day is like that, but the gaps between that flow and the fighting grow smaller and smaller.
This is what we are fighting for. We are learning to give up what we think we want in favor of what we need. So, while it is a re-evaluation, I will amend William’s earlier statement to it IS a resignation as well. It’s a resignation to what IS. It’s an admission that what is doesn’t work anymore and that we don’t want it. We have been so afraid for so long to talk about what works for us because we either thought we were crazy or selfish. The reality is we were just getting signs from the universe and tapping into who we are the universal wisdom we were told to ignore. I know we don’t know what it looks like after this phase, this collective awakening, but I know we know somehow we are on the right path. We know we are upgrading and changing. I accept this resignation. I move into what is for me.
Today I’m grateful to remember that destruction doesn’t mean ending. Destruction can mean a new beginning. It’s a chance for a clean slate and a stronger foundation. The truth is I spent my entire life fearing what I didn’t know and trying to avoid things falling apart. I thought the purpose of life was to keep it looking a certain way and that meant holding onto beliefs from ages ago, many of which weren’t even mine. But today, I am reminded that destruction, while it can be scary or even painful, it doesn’t have to be a show stopper. It can be the cleansing we need. It can be the start we never knew we were looking for.
Today I am grateful to remember that regardless of how it feels when the world spins out of control, we still have control of ourselves. There are opportunities that come from the darkest depths that we never thought possible. Just because things don’t look how you envisioned them doesn’t mean they aren’t exactly what you need them to be. Control is an illusion regardless—we don’t have it even when we take every precaution we can think of. Life isn’t meant to be controlled, it is meant to be experienced. I no longer want to go through my life bracing for each day—I want to experience each day.
Today I am grateful for creation. Over the last few weeks I’ve spoken about some of the trauma and some of the pain we’ve experienced in the family over the last few weeks. I’ve also spoken about how that relates to traumas we’ve had over the years, over generations. Along with destruction and control, remembering that I have to use my own wings has shown me that it isn’t too late to learn to fly—it just takes some work. There are possibilities every day and we are responsible for taking the chances on the ones that are meant for us. We get to decide what we want our lives to look like. It’s not a race, it’s not a competition, it’s a slow and steady creation of what works for us.
Today I am grateful for protection. It has felt lonely over the last few weeks and there were moments I didn’t think I was supported for anything. I look back now and I see that I’ve been learning to support myself. I’ve been too reliant on other people to come to the rescue when I’ve been meant to learn to support myself. On a healing journey, sometimes the path leads us back to ourselves. It doesn’t mean we are alone—it means that we need to look for support somewhere other than where we’ve been looking, and that is ok. Sometimes that support comes from ourselves. What I really learned is that learning to support myself was divinely guided. In order to help people find themselves, I needed to find me—and I had to trust that I could do it.
Today I am grateful for reminders to be proud of myself. I’m reading The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins and it is an excellent reminder that the love we have for ourselves is foundational. Trusting ourselves and celebrating where we are and where we are going is necessary to keep ourselves moving. I’ve always been hyper critical of everything I’ve done. If didn’t think I could do it perfectly, I wouldn’t even try it which kept me cemented in place. Learning to support myself and be my own cheerleader (and for everyone to learn to cheer for themselves) is key. It ISN’T selfish. In a perfectionist society we all feel that we can’t show ourselves unless we are perfect. But that isn’t real. Celebrating who we are is how we learn to keep the momentum going.
Today I am grateful for breath. There is so much life to live and to be alive means we have a purpose. I’m allowed to have what I need to fulfill my purpose regardless of what that looks like to other people. Our paths are different and our stories are different. My requirements are not the same as yours and vice versa. That is OK. To not take what is required to fulfill my purpose for the sake of your opinion is childish and selfish. We are given a gift from the time we take our first breath and it isn’t owed to those around us. It is owed to the entire universe INCLUDING those around us. We are all the same and to be healed means we understand that connection. While we have breath in our bodies, we have a purpose and I am not going to waste mine.
Today I am grateful for support from unexpected places. As things have slowly gotten back to normal around the house, I am still settling in to a few new things. I have received some unexpected support from people I didn’t think I would. I also received some criticism from people I thought would have my back. The point is, support comes from unexpected places and it can come in unexpected ways–but it always comes when we need it.
Just a little note for us: pay attention to the gems floating through your mind. Every now and then I have a thought that doesn’t feel like it comes from me. I’ve come to realize that those are messages from the universe. Whenever you have a thought and then the feeling, “YES!” or “Oh, that’s good,” those are gifts we are meant to share and they are meant to come through us. It’s simply magic to have the thought that resonates so well, you feel it in your soul.
For example, when I understood that I’m working to support my life and need a job that allows me to do what I need to do for myself rather than a job that demands I support it, I KNEW that was true. That is something I wanted to share with you. I know navigating through the unknown is terrifying but I also know that we are given messages as a way to strengthen our resolve and carry us through. I know those are things we are meant to share and lastly, I know that we are meant to break and shift the current paradigm. The only way we can do that is through sharing our experiences to create a new paradigm.
I want this particular message to be a reminder that anything is possible. I want it to remind us that even if we are terrified, we are meant to do something different. We are meant to listen to those nudges, whispers, and even shouts from the universe and make something great out of it. We are not meant to hoard this knowledge and we are not meant to fear it, either. Those little gems are real and they are important. Learn them, believe them, integrate them, and share them. The world will be a mighty sparkly place if we keep sharing it.
It’s no secret that our lives have changed drastically in the last few years. Between how we work, how we feel about work, fulfilling our purpose, and finding a way to navigate a current paradigm with what is coming. Sometimes it feels like I’m in an abusive relationship with my job. I’ve had a lot to navigate in my life the last few weeks with my mother, my child, my husband, my job, and my side gigs and I discussed it with my boss. Initially she was incredibly supportive of the personal situation and she even offered flexibility with my schedule as before. I felt instant relief because of the craziness that has been going on. A few days later she told me that she had some concerns about the teams and the hours we’ve been working. This isn’t the first time I’ve been caught in this situation and it’s always the same: the support is there…and then it is not.
There was one particular conversation that stood out for me and it was when my boss told me, “We work in a 24/7 industry and we may just need to demonstrate more flexibility with our time. People have been working in very set hours and they think that is enough. We may need to look at alternatives like weekends and longer hours.” Keep in mind this was followed up with her requesting the new attendance policy. And side note, this is why people are leaving the work force en masse–we are told we have freedom but need to live how someone else tells us. So please explain to me how we can have this shift in a few days? Again, this isn’t the first time it has happened, and as painful as it is to be bounced back and forth, I wasn’t entirely surprised. And I know that this conversation is highlighting something for me in my personal life, the circle coming around again: I need to prioritize what I need to be doing in MY life and not living my life for someone else’s gain.
I had an epiphany as I was struggling to find care for my child: I’m working to prioritize a job that would replace me in two seconds (and if I’m honest, is probably actively trying to do that now) in order to give up more time with my kid. When I know I’ve worked sick, I’ve worked with broken bones, when my kid has been sick, when I’ve been so mentally exhausted I couldn’t remember where I needed to be. I had been hoping this job would take care of me because that is what I was told would happen. The reality is they want me to bleed for them when they won’t lift a finger for me. I’m trying to move my life around to support this place. The reality is my job needs me and I’ve forgotten that. I’m working to support my life therefore my job supports my lifestyle- it doesn’t need to be my life supporting my job.
We need to remember why we work. I bought into what I was told would happen by getting a “secure” job in the medical field. Depending on what side you’re on, you are replaceable. That is a shitty feeling for anyone. I’m not even talking about looking for validation, I’m talking about the fact that if someone doesn’t like you, they will actively try to kick you out like some high school clique. The goal in life is to become who we are and celebrate that and to fulfill our purpose, it isn’t to work ourselves to death for someone else’s goal. We need to learn to believe in ourselves more than we believe in what we are sold. Remember where your power is—it’s in your hands. It’s in your soul and you know it. Don’t let some place dictate your worth or manipulate your emotions. We are all worth more than that. We deserve more than that—you work to support your LIFE, not to ask permission to live. Support your life and your dreams—you don’t need permission to like what you do, you don’t need permission to go for what works for you, and you don’t need permission to set the boundary to stop something if it is toxic to you. Throw that crap out! Do what calls to you and remember: you call the shots.
We’ve been working on a huge project at work for new legislation that went into effect this year. I was the initial lead on this project and I dove in wholeheartedly. It was interesting and I took the time to understand what we were going for. After some time, it became apparent that I understood the work, but I didn’t understand how to implement it. I will fully admit that. I wasn’t prepared to implement new legislation in spite of knowing what needed to be done. My boss gave the project over to a couple of other leaders and at first it hurt, but I realized there were simply things I didn’t know.
As the project continued, something else became apparent: not one person knew how to implement this shit either. A flash of anger came in as I saw this new group struggling with the exact same thing I did and I momentarily asked why it would be taken from me if we were in the exact same spot…and then it hit me: This is NOT the thing I want to be doing. Making decisions about people’s health care based on a physician’s decision, taking responsibility for informing patients of what a physician is doing—it felt wrong. Making decisions about healthcare that clearly profit a physician started making me sick. And here we were sitting at this table trying to figure it out with no real guidance and something came over me: this isn’t it. There are more important things in this world.
Taking life seriously especially in this climate of EVERYTHING IS UNKNOWN is simply a waste of time. There are a few things I know. 1. You can’t know something without learning it. Simply put, if you aren’t taught how to do something, it will not magically come to you. That isn’t to say innate talent doesn’t exist, but the world doesn’t work that way for all things. A boss having an expectation for execution without direction is a recipe for failure. 2. Anyone who has that expectation is unrealistic and you don’t want to be there—at least I don’t. 3. Looking like you know something is given more creedence than ACTUALLY knowing something. And that is when I had my break down. I could laugh. We were fighting for an appearance, not actual knowing. In that context, you will never be enough for anyone and your worth can pivot in a second.
The most important thing is knowing ourselves. Knowing when to cut through the bullshit ourselves and simply be who we are. There is more worth in being ourselves rather than pretending you are something else. And when we work so hard to project an image, we forget that everyone is projecting an image as well. We take the image so seriously—we take the pretend more seriously than the reality. And it feels so wrong. We start seeing the new reality. Things that were true at one time are no longer true today. It’s a game and then something happens where we don’t want to play anymore. We have to play our own game—or no game at all. The reality of it all is that no one knows what the hell they’re doing. We are all just trying to figure it out. Life is too short and too precious to be taken so seriously. Take it while you can and love it while you have it. You will never be this young again—just take it.
I had a little side story that came up the other day. I’m proud to take action on the things I want to do this year and one of those things is letting go of who I told myself I was. The perfectionist, the one who is right, the one who cleans up all the messes. None of that is really me—even though that is how I have been living. That was so externally focused for me and it took all my attention away from what I really knew I wanted to do. I know now I was using those external things as a distraction because I didn’t really believe that I was capable of achieving what I wanted to do. I also used to think if I didn’t know everything I was an idiot so I felt I constantly had to prove myself over and over again.
My husband and I live near some train tracks and I woke up the other day to the train stopped outside. I could see it through our backyard as I worked in my office and I was curious. We’ve only been here a few months and I’ve never seen that happen so I didn’t know if something was wrong or not. I even started telling myself stories about a sort of apocalypse with like a military take over—I mean, cool story, but I have a super over-active imagination. Regardless, I told my husband and he told me that the exchange isn’t that far down so sometimes they will stop to switch out the cars. I’ve seen the interchange he was talking about a million times and didn’t realize it was still a functioning exchange. And the simplest explanation wins.
When we live thinking we know it all we cut ourselves off from the opportunity to gain some real wisdom. I literally used to think it meant I was stupid if I didn’t know something, especially because I always felt like I needed to prove how much I knew because of how I looked. As time has gone on, I know it isn’t a matter of our intelligence or our worth or our ability—it is simply a matter of taking in more information. And that is what living is about—learning from each other as we live. I mean, at the end of the day we can’t know it all. The human brain isn’t designed that way, we are meant to help each other. When we allow, we create space to find something else and that is where the magic is.
“So many people tell me their old story. I want to know where you’re going. I don’t want you to tell me about your old character, I want to hear about your new character. Your former script is not your current one,” Ed Mylett. What a beautiful continuation of our conversation from Saturday. Like living in the before/after world, when we constantly rehash what we used to be or what we used to do, we negate what is happening. We confuse the energy of where we’re going because we are only focused on where we’ve been. Does that person even exist anymore? We have the ability to change the story at any time so why do we continue to live in a world that quite literally doesn’t exist anymore?
I can speak from personal experience that most of it is comfort. Living in nostalgia is familiar and it reminds us of times that were either perceived as better or where we felt safer. Venturing out in the world whether it is in the prescribed fashion or on a trail of our own is terrifying. We are responsible for our own existence and the results that come with it are entirely our own. It makes sense that we try to find our way through what we’ve known and where we’ve been before. But the past isn’t where we are going. That person isn’t who we are now.
How we speak to ourselves determines everything. I used to talk about what I would do when I was good enough or when I knew enough or when people took me seriously enough. My entire existence depended on the opinions and acceptance of other people. That kept me firmly rooted where I was. I never learned to set the bar for my own identity. I never even learned to write my own identity because it was seen as something I needed permission to do in my house growing up. I lived with a deep feeling of needing to be worthy to do anything and that worth was always unachievable for the things I wanted so I held myself back. I remember going out for cheerleading and making it and then quitting the day of the performance because I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing. That’s an old story and I have hundreds more just like that. But I don’t want to live from that place any longer.
Who I am now is someone who knows the value in learning and who wants to share the beautifully terrifying process of finding who we are. Not all of us are blessed with an environment that supports who we are so it takes us a little longer to get comfortable navigating our worth and the things we want to do. It takes a while to accept the now and understand that we don’t need to prove anything to exist. The fact we are here is enough and has value. Perhaps we take life too seriously. I mean, there was a time when playing ball meant security for you and yours for all time. But those days are long gone. We need to find a way to create security in ourselves and that means telling a new story. That means being a version of ourselves that makes sense and feels right for who we are.
I’ve recently started reading “The High 5 Habit” by Mel Robbins. The premise of the book is to acknowledge and accept ourselves and to learn to be our own cheerleaders. She talks about rewiring the brain through this small habit every day, of high fiving ourselves in the mirror. Now, I will admit I haven’t started doing that yet (and to be fair I’m not done with the book yet) but after my experience the other day of seeing the value in sharing an authentic side of myself where I normally wouldn’t, I feel there is value in this type of self-validation as well.
So, while I didn’t high five myself yet, I did take some time to really sit (well stand) with my reflection in the mirror. I noticed that I don’t often look at myself in the mirror unless I’m correcting something like brushing my teeth, fixing my hair, or putting on makeup. I’m not using the mirror to see myself, I’m using the mirror to put on a façade. Then something interesting happened: I felt a spark of when I was a child and feeling afraid looking at myself, feeling sad for saying something to my mom that my four year old mind didn’t understand. I remember as a teen feeling embarrassed over some nonsense and feeling shame watching myself in the mirror. And I realized that even if I wasn’t ready to high five myself, not ready to celebrate myself, maybe I could see myself differently. I could acknowledge what was THERE. For me, that was facing the fear.
I have felt fear about accepting myself for a long time because of what I mentioned the other day: we are trained that we are worthy when someone tells us we are worthy and I bought into that nearly my whole life. So when I stood in front of the mirror and felt those things from my past, reliving the mistakes, I faced my fear. And it didn’t happen right away, but I slowly started feeling like facing that fear is what I am meant to do. A different emotion popped up as well: acceptance of what happened and forgiveness. Standing in the face of fear and saying I forgive myself for not knowing better, I forgive us all for not knowing better—I do now and it is time to move forward knowing better today.
So the celebration is important. But I feel the foundation is more important and that foundation means seeing yourself for the first time. Like, really seeing yourself and taking the moment to just be there. I mentioned above that I never really looked in the mirror, and I know I never used to be able to look myself in the eyes—it felt too personal or like I was hiding something. The truth is, I really was hiding something. Every time I saw myself, I saw every horrible thing I’ve done, I saw every negative thing about myself. And to Mel’s point: what good was that doing? Learning to forgive is what got me to see myself. THAT is something worth celebrating. The more I see and accept who I am, the more I forgive, the more strength I put in my own wings, the easier it becomes. So, celebration is necessary, yes, but take the time to accept first. That’s where we start.
Today I am grateful for a break in the darkness. I’ve been so dark the last few weeks that I didn’t think light existed anymore. I had a conversation with my sister that threw me for a loop as we are in the midst of dealing with my parent’s health issues and it made me think a lot about my life. Some of what she said was judgmental as she doesn’t know the full story but other parts of it resonated and made me feel sick. Sick because I’ve known those parts are true but I haven’t been able to do anything about it. It isn’t my job to do anything about it to some degree. And that is when I felt better. My sister wasn’t even part of the concerns she brought up, so why was I letting her get to me? I woke up yesterday and that is the first time I didn’t feel the crushing weight of, “I don’t even know what steps I need to take today.” Nothing is actually resolved, but I see we are heading in the right direction.
Today I am grateful to realize where my worth is. I went to visit my mother at her facility and met one of the CNAs for the first time. Within 5 seconds, the first thing he brought up was my height. I felt the anger as I always do and I choked it down like I always do. I mean, I get it, it’s a noticeable feature, but I’m so tired of my entire existence being diminished to my height. I had to remind myself that we are all going through a hard time. It’s so hard to not take those things personally because they are about my person. But I know I am more than what I look like.
Today I am grateful to remember who I am. Following up on the previous point, I know when someone is feeling weak or down in some aspect of their lives they will focus on the easy target. I am short but that is not who I am. I have accomplished a lot in my life and none of that has to do with how I look. Just because it is your focus, that is not mine. It hurts being the one to take it and have to choke back my anger about it but if I want to move forward, I have to remember their initial reaction says more about who they are than who I am. Their shallowness and inability to see through external appearance is their deficit, not mine. I am strong, I am smart, I have a message to share and your opinion doesn’t matter on that topic.
Today I am grateful to incorporate the lesson that we can have the same experience differently. We can be together and take away two different experiences at the same time. No matter how much effort I put into making the person see it my way, they won’t. Their experience is based on their interpretation which is the culmination of their other experiences. I don’t need to accept negative behavior toward me as a result and I don’t need to pretend it’s ok. I don’t need to accept someone else’s agreement with it either. I am allowed my experience the same as they are and it doesn’t make me crazy if they don’t see it my way—and it doesn’t make their interpretation correct either. And that is FINE. Letting the world move forward regardless is letting the ego go and stepping into my own identity.
Today I am grateful to know it is ok to do what I need to do. I’ve seen a lot of cardinals lately so I finally looked up their spiritual meaning. I’ve knew they were messages from our loved ones who have passed, but they also mean connecting with our purpose, our home, setting boundaries, and manifesting. I didn’t know those latter points and it floored me. I’ve been questioning my worth and how to move forward and asking why I’ve been faced with the same challenges repeatedly, and I see now that it has been up to me to make the decision. We can face the same situation over and over again but until we do it differently, we will get the same result. We have to decide differently. So, the universe has been telling me to decide and now it wants me to know that not only is it time, it is necessary to do so. My gut is right and I can trust. It is time to make the decision that best benefits my sanity and my home instead of anyone else. And that decision will manifest what I need.
Today I am grateful to understand an aspect of the universe in a new way. The last few weeks have been challenging and I found myself emotionally drained and compromised. Even communicating with my husband has been difficult and it culminated in an absolute screaming breakdown from me. A few days have since passed and I see things a little differently. Sometimes we have to hit our lowest to eliminate all the distraction and possibility and to work with what is. Sometimes it’s a reminder that things have a way of working out. “This too shall pass” rings in a new way for me. Two days ago I was in a heap on the floor unable to breathe I was crying so hard and suddenly things are heading toward ok again. Time changes things—good or bad is irrelevant—but things will not look the same. Give it time.
The Intentional Dreamer 