I had a little side story that came up the other day. I’m proud to take action on the things I want to do this year and one of those things is letting go of who I told myself I was. The perfectionist, the one who is right, the one who cleans up all the messes. None of that is really me—even though that is how I have been living. That was so externally focused for me and it took all my attention away from what I really knew I wanted to do. I know now I was using those external things as a distraction because I didn’t really believe that I was capable of achieving what I wanted to do. I also used to think if I didn’t know everything I was an idiot so I felt I constantly had to prove myself over and over again.
My husband and I live near some train tracks and I woke up the other day to the train stopped outside. I could see it through our backyard as I worked in my office and I was curious. We’ve only been here a few months and I’ve never seen that happen so I didn’t know if something was wrong or not. I even started telling myself stories about a sort of apocalypse with like a military take over—I mean, cool story, but I have a super over-active imagination. Regardless, I told my husband and he told me that the exchange isn’t that far down so sometimes they will stop to switch out the cars. I’ve seen the interchange he was talking about a million times and didn’t realize it was still a functioning exchange. And the simplest explanation wins.
When we live thinking we know it all we cut ourselves off from the opportunity to gain some real wisdom. I literally used to think it meant I was stupid if I didn’t know something, especially because I always felt like I needed to prove how much I knew because of how I looked. As time has gone on, I know it isn’t a matter of our intelligence or our worth or our ability—it is simply a matter of taking in more information. And that is what living is about—learning from each other as we live. I mean, at the end of the day we can’t know it all. The human brain isn’t designed that way, we are meant to help each other. When we allow, we create space to find something else and that is where the magic is.