Who We Used To Be

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

“So many people tell me their old story. I want to know where you’re going. I don’t want you to tell me about your old character, I want to hear about your new character.  Your former script is not your current one,” Ed Mylett.  What a beautiful continuation of our conversation from Saturday.  Like living in the before/after world, when we constantly rehash what we used to be or what we used to do, we negate what is happening.  We confuse the energy of where we’re going because we are only focused on where we’ve been.  Does that person even exist anymore?  We have the ability to change the story at any time so why do we continue to live in a world that quite literally doesn’t exist anymore?

I can speak from personal experience that most of it is comfort.  Living in nostalgia is familiar and it reminds us of times that were either perceived as better or where we felt safer.  Venturing out in the world whether it is in the prescribed fashion or on a trail of our own is terrifying.  We are responsible for our own existence and the results that come with it are entirely our own.  It makes sense that we try to find our way through what we’ve known and where we’ve been before.  But the past isn’t where we are going.  That person isn’t who we are now.

How we speak to ourselves determines everything.  I used to talk about what I would do when I was good enough or when I knew enough or when people took me seriously enough.  My entire existence depended on the opinions and acceptance of other people.  That kept me firmly rooted where I was.  I never learned to set the bar for my own identity.  I never even learned to write my own identity because it was seen as something I needed permission to do in my house growing up.  I lived with a deep feeling of needing to be worthy to do anything and that worth was always unachievable for the things I wanted so I held myself back.  I remember going out for cheerleading and making it and then quitting the day of the performance because I didn’t feel like I knew what I was doing.  That’s an old story and I have hundreds more just like that.  But I don’t want to live from that place any longer.

Who I am now is someone who knows the value in learning and who wants to share the beautifully terrifying process of finding who we are.  Not all of us are blessed with an environment that supports who we are so it takes us a little longer to get comfortable navigating our worth and the things we want to do.  It takes a while to accept the now and understand that we don’t need to prove anything to exist.  The fact we are here is enough and has value.  Perhaps we take life too seriously.  I mean, there was a time when playing ball meant security for you and yours for all time.  But those days are long gone.  We need to find a way to create security in ourselves and that means telling a new story.  That means being a version of ourselves that makes sense and feels right for who we are.

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