Lessons in Aging

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Tonight I share a more sobering story.  I work in healthcare so I see a ton of cases that run the gamut of emotions and experiences.  I recently felt emotional given what is going on with my mother and navigating more challenges, and then it happened: I saw a case where a young man, only 18 years old, passed away very shortly after the holidays.  I’ve seen this type of case before, but something struck me about this one. I took it as a reminder that the world needs us all to be a little more tender moving forward, to remember the fragility of life.  We aren’t promised anything so we need to take advantage and respect what we have while we have it.  In fragility there is also strength.  There is living.  Things change, decades pass and we are still doing the same thing, but somehow, everything is different.  We wake up one day and ask what the hell happened.  How did it get like THIS?  We blink, and an entire lifetime is gone.  That is my biggest fear. 

I’ve lived like that for the last two decades of my life and I’ve been making a really concentrated effort to stop that over the last few weeks.  I found myself feeling so down again, and in so much emotional distress that it hurt.  I felt like a caged rat and I felt like I couldn’t find the answers regardless of what I did.  I felt myself OUT OF CONTROL.  And that is when it hit me: I’ve been tying myself up in knots over things I literally have no control over.  I’ve been living what I thought I wanted and trying to make it all work. 

I don’t want to miss my life, I don’t want to miss out on it.  I want to enjoy it while I can because it is so evident that tomorrow isn’t promised.  I’m seeing my parents get older and I’m feeling it myself.  It breaks my heart as I know what my parents are going through is partially avoidable as it deals with mindset.  But they too are human and I need to accept their choices as they have accepted mine.  Making them be who I need them to be isn’t my role.  It’s my role to take care of them as they are and love them while I can.  It’s time for me to take responsibility for what I do and creating the life I want.  I don’t want an image of the life I want, I want to actually life that life.  And that means the focus is moving forward, not stuck on what was, no matter how I felt safe back then.

It doesn’t matter how old or young we are, we all get one life, and it moves in one direction.  I take solace in learning that we are all meant to be where we are at the right time, but I don’t pretend that it all goes away some day.  I still get a little sad by that.  But I don’t want to waste any more time wishing it was like it used to be or that it becomes something else—that isn’t being where we are, and that isn’t living.  So, seeing the young ones pass and the old ones moving on in their time reminds me that we all have our day.  Yes it is sad, but it is also the truth.  Don’t let that stop you, let that motivate you.  Take what you want and go for it because that is what it’s about.

We are coming full circle on some topics over the past week: from knowing our worth and setting boundaries with work, to not taking life seriously, to prioritizing what is important to us (and releasing the guilt with that). I want to talk about what is happening as a society.  I’ve spoken about ushering in a new paradigm and that is happening naturally whether we like it or not.  We’ve all spoken about the “great resignation” over the last year.  Marianne Williamson talked about how it really isn’t a resignation that is happening. What we are seeing is a re-evaluation of what is important.  Being away from family and making a job that would replace you in an instant a priority just isn’t appealing to anyone anymore.  Add in that life is considerably more expensive now and salaries are not growing to match it doesn’t help. 

We are seeing the job isn’t quite as important as we thought because we can put in all the hours in the world and it still won’t be enough.  We can learn to make money sacrificing time but we can’t get that time back.  What is important is family.  Our loved ones in general.  The place we live, both our home and our Earth.  Joy.  And of course, time.  I’ve been given messages over and over again that I can’t live in multiple worlds.  I still have a foot in the 9-5 world as well as a foot in the entrepreneur world and I know where my heart is telling me to go.  It is time to make the choice to trust myself enough to do what I need to.  The same can be said for all of us. 

I’ve realized that I can no longer wait to see what pans out—it is time to commit and take the steps needed to get where I want to go.  It is time to stop forcing, fighting, feeling like shit to make it work.  I don’t want to make it work anymore.  I’ve been trying to wear two different size shoes in jeans that are too big and shirts that are too small to make it seem like I fit in.  We are reminded that we need to work with what fits us.  That is where the magic happens!! It isn’t just about flow—flow happens when we get in this mindset, yes, but this is about the feeling that comes with doing what we are meant to.  It is the perfect fit, the perfect combination of ease and effort.  I’m not saying every day is like that, but the gaps between that flow and the fighting grow smaller and smaller.     

This is what we are fighting for.  We are learning to give up what we think we want in favor of what we need.  So, while it is a re-evaluation, I will amend William’s earlier statement to it IS a resignation as well.  It’s a resignation to what IS.  It’s an admission that what is doesn’t work anymore and that we don’t want it.  We have been so afraid for so long to talk about what works for us because we either thought we were crazy or selfish.  The reality is we were just getting signs from the universe and tapping into who we are the universal wisdom we were told to ignore.  I know we don’t know what it looks like after this phase, this collective awakening, but I know we know somehow we are on the right path.  We know we are upgrading and changing.  I accept this resignation.  I move into what is for me.

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