Today I am grateful for cleansing.  We spent a huge part of the morning cleaning and organizing the house.  There truly is nothing like a good deep clean.  It’s cathartic and it removes the energy of what no longer serves.  It’s a letting go as well as a welcoming.  Something as simple as vacuuming, or doing the dishes shows respect for our space and an appreciation for what we have.  As we cleanse and let go, it also gives the opportunity to share what we have with others.  The things we may have forgotten can become a treasure again. 

Today I am grateful for new forms of creativity.  I spent nearly all day yesterday baking sourdough bread.  I know it was the trendy thing to do when the pandemic started, but I never jumped on that train.  Not that I wasn’t curious, I just had other things I was doing.  I definitely have a new appreciation for the ability to create something of sustenance for ourselves.  I’ve made banana bread before and even gave a shot to some cheddar jalapeno bread…but anyone who has made sourdough knows it’s a different game.  Keeping it alive long enough to make the bread and then creating what you want is all a task.  But it is so rewarding. 

Today I am grateful for completion and team work.  It feels good to get through items that have been on my checklist for a while.  I know we all get bogged down from time to time and it can be really easy to lose track of what we have to do.  It can even feel overwhelming and isolating.  I know when I let things sit for too long, I’m less likely to want to start them.  But today was about a joint effort and getting through what needed to be done.  Having help makes all the difference in the world.  Sometimes we feel like we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders or we don’t feel heard when it comes to expressing our needs.  Being heard and finally starting to climb the mountain felt significant.    

Today I am grateful for trust.  I’ve been setting up some key moves for what I believe will set me up in the future.  I’ve taken some steps that have been out of my comfort zone and into some territory that I’ve never been in.  But the truth is, I’m ready.  I’ve known I’ve been read for a while, I just haven’t been sure about the opportunities to take or the exact moves to make to get me where I need to be.  This past week has been the doorway to a lot of significant changes in my life.  I’m hoping those changes will allow me to make a difference for my family and help me tackle a new avenue for my talents as well as some really cool learning opportunities.  Life will be different but I trust that this will take me exactly where I need to be.

Today I am grateful for my health.  I’m not only grateful but I am proud of the steps I’ve taken to shift my health around.  I decided to take on a new morning routine, one that I wasn’t sure I would enjoy, and honestly, one I wasn’t sure I would have time for.  But it turns out that I have all the time I need for it.  More importantly, it feels amazing.  I’m able to get a nice workout in and to start my day off with a much stronger mindset than I had even a month ago.  When it comes to health, it’s all about those decisions.  I’m not perfect—I still have cravings and enjoy things I probably shouldn’t.  But the truth is, I know I feel much better doing something good for myself and something that allows me to be more productive for others. 

Today I am grateful for connection and friendship.  I spent a lot of my life having to do it on my own. I’m not saying that my needs weren’t met, I was extremely fortunate in that regard.  But I also never hid that I struggled with interaction and friendship—often it was just easier to do it on my own.  Many times I simply could not manage a simple relationship for varying reasons or I felt used.  Many of those relationships were fundamentally toxic and needed to go, but there were some where I simply struggled with communication and misinterpreted the thing and cut out people who probably would have helped my growth.  I’m grateful for the people who have stuck with me through that transition and I am grateful for the people whom I’ve met that helped me for no other reason than they wanted to.  There is something missing when we have to do it all on our own an I am glad to reach out again.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

“If you fall down 100 times, 100 lessons to be learned,” via LawOfAttractionLive.  As much as I talk about moving forward, this is an area I struggle with consistently.  It may be ego, it may be stubborn mindset, or it may simply be something I lack the capacity to comprehend for some reason.  I’m not proud of that.  There has not been one circumstance where it has NOT been demonstrated the value in failing and trying again.  Why wouldn’t that apply to each of us as well?  There was a quote I used a while back about children learning to walk: they fall down hundreds of times and not once do they say, “Walking isn’t for me.” So why would we think that persistence and different angles wouldn’t apply to us?  It’s easy in our society to look at other people and think we are supposed to do the same thing: continuity used to ensure survival.  But the reality is, we aren’t all meant to do the same thing.  Our lesson may be different than the person next to us even if we are experiencing the same thing.  What helps them rise again may not be what we have to do.  The next steps they take may not be the same we have to.

We have to be open enough to recognize that there are different paths.  We have to be bold enough to follow the path meant for us.  It isn’t comfortable and it often feels lonely.  But once we learn how to single out what is ours, we eventually find our people and the things meant for us.  We also have to understand that finding those things is our purpose.  We can’t attach to the idea of what we are told to want or what we are expected to do.  No. The universe has plans for us that we are meant to fulfill because it applies to the bigger scale.  We are meant to fulfill our part and that is it.  We each have a different role.  We talk about resources being limited and this couldn’t be further from the truth: I want to remind you that there are limited resources available for all of us to do the exact same thing.  There’s a big difference.  We aren’t meant to have the same thing.  We are meant to fulfill our unique flavor in life and pass that down to the next person so they can pass it on. 

It’s easy today to sit down and find comfort amidst the chaos that is happening.  We’ve associated comfort with security and that is completely understandable.  Quite frankly it’s human nature to find safety and comfort.  But it doesn’t work if we are constantly repeating the same day over and over again and calling it a life.  We will wake up and time will have passed but we will not have gotten anywhere.  We are meant to break the paradigm and function in our unique purpose in order to awaken a new way of being.  Simply because things have been done a certain way for a long time doesn’t mean that’s the right way.  And it certainly doesn’t mean we need to keep doing it, especially if we have identified that it’s flawed and doesn’t work for all.   

The simple question is where has sitting on your butt ever gotten you?  We are allowed to fall.  I encourage you to try to fall more often because it means you’re trying something.  It means you’re moving and trying to piece together some sense in this world.  It doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or not, we simply need to keep moving so we can find our place.  There are times we have to pause and reevaluate after a fall, that is perfectly natural.  But to sit down and not try anything else in the world and then cry that things aren’t happening is your own fault.  We always have the opportunity to turn things around—it’s all mindset.  As long as we can continue getting up, there is a purpose for us.  Get up and fall until you find it.  Experience your life in such a way that you don’t question what you’ve done.  Know that you’ve done your part by incorporating the lessons meant for you.   

“Grow as you go,” JR Ridinger.  I think about the time I’ve wasted waiting for things to be perfect and what it could have looked like had I simply started sooner.  It’s all too easy to give into the reasons we have for not getting started before we are ready.  We are looking for security and taking the chance before we can see what else comes along with it is terrifying.  But there are simply moments in life where we have to take the leap and trust that it will all work out in the end.  We have to trust that we will be shown the way as we start moving.  Sometimes that’s how life works: the lessons come as we work through them.

Beyond learning to just take the leap, we need to remember that life isn’t just about the destination.  At the end of the day we all end up in the same spot: six feet under.  It’s what you do with your time while you’re here that matters.  That is something I learned late in life and is probably one of my biggest regrets.  About a year ago (maybe longer) I wrote a piece about not being able to enjoy the journey because I wanted to get to the destination.  At the time I was reading Hello Fears by Michelle Poler and she was describing a trip to a museum where she ended up walking through a market instead of going to the museum.  I believe she referenced if she got to the museum she got to the museum, the point was to explore the are where she was.  It bothered me because I’m the type of person where if you’re planning on getting to the museum, you’re going to the museum.  If that’s what you have planned, then stick with it.

After hearing Ridinger talk about growth and the journey, I can look at my initial perspective differently.  I can see the value in taking time and learning along the way.  I can see where there may be times when we have to stop and smell the flowers or go to the market and simply connect with something else.  Sometimes our plans are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things and we have to take in what’s in front of us rather than forcing our way.  Sometimes what we think we have to do isn’t what we have to do.  We are meant to learn what the universe has in store for us.  That means some days we are along for the ride. 

Going back to the beginning of this piece, I can only speak for myself.  I know how much time I wasted waiting for perfection.  I know how much time I wasted thinking the time wasn’t right for me.  Even now, I’m getting messages about enjoying the journey.  There are unimaginable things that can come to fruition if we give up what we think we need and start addressing what is right in front of us, what IS.  I don’t want to look back on my life in regret because the truth is I did the best I could with what I had.  And I can’t take it back regardless.  But what I can do is take the time to enjoy what I have now.  Learn to grow now so it can take you where you are meant to go.   

“You’re not alone, you’ve been separated,” via WildWoman. I sat with this one for a while because, as the universe has shown us repeatedly, there are messages in everything.  Shortly after I finished my piece from yesterday, I saw this quote.  It reminded me that a feeling isn’t the truth.  We can feel any way we choose about any situation, including whether or not we interpret the actions of others as supportive.  But the point is, it doesn’t matter because we have no control over that person.  All we have is our interpretation.  If we are going to intentionally misinterpret what someone else does then we are going to spend a lot of time in misery. 

It’s so important to remember who we are and to remember who they are to you.  I’m not talking about defining them or carrying an image of them in your mind, no.  I’m talking about understanding on a deep level what this person does in your life.  How you’re connected and what purpose that connection serves.  Beyond the connection with other people, I often feel that the separateness from ourselves is easily overlooked.  How quickly we give up our purpose for what we are told to do and how heavy is the mantle of that obligation from someone else we were never meant to carry.  Do not sever the tie with your inner knowing for the sake of being seen by someone else.  And always remember that just because you’re seen, that doesn’t mean you’re understood.

So many of the expectations we put on others or carry in our relationships comes from unfulfilled needs.  The messed up thing is that they are needs we are taught to forgo because we have some romanticized idea of partner fulfillment that will always fall short because, as humans, we all have gaps to fill.  We can’t use other people to fill those gaps.  At the same time we are taught it’s selfish to have that type of focus on ourselves.  It isn’t about cutting other people out or not helping, but it is about making sure you have enough to take care of others and fulfill your purpose.  That is what this is all about: closing the gaps and the holes we’ve created in ourselves.  It’s about finding the pieces we’ve given up hoping someone would give them back.  It’s about creating the boundaries so we don’t lose those pieces again.  Yes, it’s easier to go it with someone, but not if you’re carrying their baggage as well or vice versa.  Form the connection with yourself again and only pick up what is yours. 

There’s been a lot going on in the world since…forever.  Some of that has been well beyond our control and some of it feels like it doesn’t impact us the same way as it does other people.  The truth is we are all connected and everything has impacted all of us.  Sometimes when the global picture looks overwhelming, it’s easier to look at the microcosm of our own worlds and start nit-picking the things happening there.  I mean, that’s supposed to be well within our control so if we can’t control the bigger scale, we start tearing apart what’s around us.  But the truth is, what good has that level of scrutiny ever done?  Trying to find any detail that is wrong with your life will not disappoint.  If you’re looking for the negative, you will find it.  It’s all too easy to set some silly standard in your head and have everything else fall short.   But we have it twisted.  It takes just as much energy to look for the negative as it does for the positive.

I started thinking about it the other day when the laundry list of things to do got too overwhelming.  I started to feel really isolated because I had no idea how I was going to complete the mountain of crap in front of me and I got really bitter because I have a partner who is supposed to help me with these things and he wasn’t showing up how I expected him to.  It took me a lot of soul searching, but I really had to pause and look at what I was trying to accomplish.  Who was it for?  What was actually necessary?  Did I have to have it all done in that moment?  And that’s when a little voice in my head said,  “Look for what is instead of what isn’t.”  I smiled.  I realized I had a moment of falling back into the old patterns where I had expectations of how things were supposed to go.  All I needed to do was appreciate what was actually happening instead of lamenting what wasn’t.

This is deeper than gratitude.  This is about honoring the capacity a person has.  Just because they aren’t able to perform up to where you think they should doesn’t mean they aren’t doing their absolute best.  And if someone is willing to put that type of energy into a situation, even if it doesn’t look how you thought it would, then that is something special.  That effort deserves to be recognized.  I took a step back and realized that everything I was projecting onto my partner were my own shortcomings.  I was frustrated because I’d been working long hours in the office, I didn’t get to see my son as much, the house was a disaster, and I still had work to do for my other gigs.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t supported, it was that it was a tight rope of support for the necessities in the moment. 

Given the state of things in the world right now, this seems trivial, but there is a point.  We have the capacity to turn things around in our personal lives. We can see the light in our lives and keep it in perspective: things aren’t that bad.  If we are able to do that then we can become a light for other people.  And then they can become lights and so on and so on.  Keeping things in perspective, respecting the shared humanity we have with EVERY human, and asking what is really necessary in this world will all lead us to the conclusion that we are far more blessed than we think.  Knowing we are blessed and sharing that with other people is the key to shifting the mentality of the world.  Forming a union based on love and light creates a new way.  So start small.  Look for what IS working instead of what ISN’T.  Appreciate the day to day because in the end you will see how important that was.  You don’t want to waste your life wishing for some day when all you have is this day.    

“Sometimes you think it’s going wrong, it’s God telling you to fight through,” Fat Joe.  I attended a conference this weekend and got to hear Fat Joe speak.  He pulled no punches regarding the highs and lows of his career and how he lives his life and that is what he was referencing when he said the opening quote.  One thing I’ve learned working with and observing this group is that literally no one lets anything stop them.  They take every negative and turn it around.  They live with the philosophy that nothing goes wrong in their lives—it’s all for a reason.  Often we just need to be patient and wait to see what comes of the situation instead of stressing over it.  I know it’s cliché, but think of every challenge you’ve faced in your life: you’ve gotten through them all.

Life isn’t meant to go exactly how we plan—if it’s meant to go how we plan at all.  No, as time moves on it becomes more clear that the universe has it’s own agenda and we are all just players.  That’s how it’s meant to be.  I wrote the other day about comfort and learning to allow the universe to shape you into the person you’re meant to be and a lot of times that can be painful, maybe even scary.  But the point is, it’s all happening exactly as it needs to. 

I think this quote stood out too because it came from someone who you’d think wouldn’t have those types of issues.  Someone who has achieved financial success wouldn’t necessarily come across as someone who has the same types of issues other people do.  But that speaks to our shared humanity.  It goes to show that finances aren’t the be all and end all, either.  Money can help alleviate some of the every day issues, but there are still things we have to deal with.  You still have to worry about the people you surround yourself with and what their intentions are.  And it doesn’t matter what level you’ve achieved, everything can still tumble down at any time. 

The key with the latter point is to know that even if it seems like everything falls apart, it isn’t the end.  If you wake up, you have a purpose.  It doesn’t matter what the outside looks like as long as you keep going.  And if it feels like everything is going wrong, know that may be some redirection or simply some protection.  We set an expectation for what something needs to look like in our minds and anything that isn’t that may pale in comparison.  But we have to know that our purpose isn’t the same as the purpose for us.  Our purpose comes when we are aligned with what we are meant to do, not when we think we know what it’s supposed to be.  So be grateful when things look a little shaky because that means you are being brought onto more stable ground.  Don’t let the fact it may be the bottom fool you: that’s when you can make the moves to get to the top.    

The biggest drug is comfort and I speak from personal experience.  You combine a fear of failure or a fear of lack of security and you lose the ability to feel secure in what you’re looking for.  You start to settle for what people tell you is enough and you settle for what you’re told is secure.  They never tell you it’s also the fastest way to lose touch or sight of your dreams.  If all you’re doing is shooting to be comfortable and attain perceived security, then you aren’t working on the bigger picture: your purpose.  We are trained to seek safety, that is human nature.  But we’ve mistaken comfort as safety.  We’ve forgotten that all of that safety can be taken away in a second.

I’ve been fortunate over my life.  Yes, I’ve had tragedies like anyone else, but I haven’t truly known hardship on a daily basis.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t known loss.  I faced loss head on starting at four years old and all the way through my early twenties.  I struggle with connection to people and faced extreme bullying.  Couple the bullying with the losses, and I often felt my world falling apart because I was alone.  Again, I’m fortunate that my needs have been met, I don’t pretend I’m not, but the trauma still creates a response or a proclivity to find safety, and for me safety is comfort. 

Always looking for the easy way stifles creativity and seeking comfort steers you away from the opportunities to see things in a different way.  In order to grow and develop into the person you are meant to be, you have to be shaped by your experiences.  We can’t shy away from what is going to make us who we are and sometimes the things we are trying to avoid are the very things we need to get what we’ve asked for.  That’s how it works—it’s our job to trust that it will all make sense even if it doesn’t make sense in the moment.  Don’t give up and don’t give in to what you know for the sake of familiarity.

Today I am grateful for perspective.  There is a lot going on in the world and it is so easy to either give into the fear or get angry or to feel helpless.  The truth is there is a lot I don’t understand about what’s happening and I’m sure many of you are in the same boat.  But the perspective we need is this: if we have breath in our bodies we can do something.  We can do our part to wake up and spread light and love.  We can set a new boundary for what we will and will not tolerate.  We can create a new love of humanity and a new standard for how we treat each other.  Our job, especially when we feel like we can’t do anything, is to wake up and speak up.  We are meant to recognize what is right for everyone and break the chains of what we no is no longer right.

Today I am grateful to have a better understanding of what I need.  I’ve been doing a ton of self-reflection and thinking about what “self” means and “purpose” and along with that, “need.”  We sometimes fall back into old patterns where we confuse what we want with what we need, we are only human.  But when we can take away the extraneous, the things we have been told we need, sometimes it’s at the bottom of the barrel, we find who we are.  We have to get really honest about what is an actual necessity and what is merely nice to have or what we’ve used to feel comfortable.  Comfort is net a requirement to get through life.  No.  Our example is.  How we work through those hardships speaks to who we are.

Today I am grateful to be awake and to have woken up.  As long as we wake up, we still have a purpose, our journey isn’t done.  I’m grateful to be healthy, to still have the opportunity to fulfill my role.  I’m grateful to spend another day with my family and to have their love and to get to learn from them.  To see my son’s curiosity and to see the world through his eyes.  I’m grateful to feel the comfort of my husband’s arms and I do not take for granted our ability to be together.  I’m grateful to understand the world a bit differently today, and my place in it.

Today I am grateful to learn.  I’ve been able to spend the last few days virtually attending a conference for one of my side jobs.  It was a truly relevatory experience and taught me a lot.  I’ve learned a lot about our purpose and seeing that we can all fulfill our own purpose in the most unexpected of ways.  I’ve seen that sometimes we have to take the leap even if we don’t fully understand what we are doing.  I’ve learned that we don’t always know what is best for us and that the world can surprise us with exactly what we need as long as we are open to seeing the opportunity.  And most importantly, I’ve learned that in order to get anywhere in life, we need to trust.  We need relationships and we need help.  We can’t go it alone.  I mean, we can, but we won’t be able to get the same result.

Today I’m grateful to finally understand the difference between enjoying the journey and the destination.  I have more detail on this in a piece I have been working on, but it changes the perspective I’ve lived with.  I used to want to get things done and I’ve spoken many times about living life like a check list.  There are a couple of issues with living like that.  1 is that we either keep adding things to the list or someone else does—it will never be finished.  And 2, the last thing on that list is death.  That isn’t something we want to rush toward.  We need to learn how to take in what we can while we have the opportunity.  There are certain things we don’t want to rush in life.  There are things we need to savor.  Time passes all too quickly even if we have the same amount of hours in the day.  We have to appreciate what we have.

Today I am grateful to be in flow.  I’m still not very good at maintaining this yet, but I will appreciate every second that I am able to be present and stay in the moment.  Things are changing in my life and I am welcoming them.  They are far out of the ordinary for me, but they are exactly what I need.  I am grateful to feel the presence of change and to be taking risks and opportunities.  I am grateful for the opportunities that are coming my way this week.  We are on the precipice of change and I look forward to it.  This is the awakening.  This is the stepping into identity.  This is the stepping up. 

Today I am grateful for the privilege of taking care of myself. I’ve been able to take a few days off of my 9-5 and that not only gave me some time to reset mentally, I was able to do some grounding work. Along with finding flow, I’ve been able to release some of the pressure valve. I’ve taken actions over the last few days to set me up in the future and that offer substantial change. I can’t explain it, but I feel so grateful to find these things. I am grateful to be able to take time to work out when I want to and to be able to afford healthy food for myself and my family and to have the time to spend with my family. I’m grateful to have the chance to continue to improve.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“Don’t wait for the dam to break before doing something with your life,” Dennis Franks.  There are moments in life where you have to make a decision to either continue how things are or to shake up the course.  You have to decide what matters and you have to go after it.   You know that it means giving up what you knew in favor of what’s coming.  For many of us who suffer with mental health issues, we spend a majority of the time bottling up what we feel and think in favor of making others happy.  We lose touch with who we are in favor of what others want us to be. We hold back everything we are because we are so deeply afraid of being rejected.  And then the resentment can explode.

We are often waiting for the right moment, a spot in time that makes our desires “ok” where someone won’t be upset or where they will be magically answered somehow.  Or like I said earlier, we hold it back so long we end up exploding.  We don’t have to wait until we can’t stand it any longer.  No.  As scary as it is, there is something we can do.  And maybe scary isn’t the right word—it’s more a waiting for permission.  We don’t need permission to live our lives, we are just trained to believe that we need someone else to tell us it’s ok.  The point is, we don’t want to become so overwhelmed with the idea of what we are supposed to do that we pass up on what we are meant to do. 

The truth is we are not taught to balance our lives in a way that fulfills our needs and we are certainly not taught honest communication.  We are taught manipulation that we call communication and we are taught to stifle the truth in favor of someone else’s feelings.  Or we place our expectations on others and then get frustrated when they aren’t met.  So in order to avoid that, we need to get honest about our own expectations and get familiar with our needs.  We need to act before we explode or gloss over our entire lives.  We can’t let opportunities pass us by and miss what we need to learn in favor of thinking we know it all.  There is a place inside that tells us when enough is enough.  Listen to it.   

The real point of this is to do the work before we are so worn out that we can’t do anything else.  You wouldn’t let your house fall down around you, you can’t let yourself fall apart either.  Do the maintenance.  Do the things that recharge you and make you feel good.  Do the things that make you come alive.  And beyond that, get in touch with the parts of you that need healing—all of them.  And work on loving those parts—all of them.  Keep yourself strong not just for yourself, but for your sanity and to keep yourself on point to fulfill your purpose.  The world needs your light and your gift and you can only do that when you’re functioning at your peak. 

So check in often and create self-awareness in whatever way it takes.  Whether it’s meditation or trying new things or reaching out to help a friend or even learning to set boundaries with family or friends, do whatever it takes to recognize what works for you, what needs some work, and where you’re going.  Don’t let yourself fall apart for the sake of someone else.  That is their baggage to carry and you don’t need to waste your time on resentment because it won’t change anything.  Life is short, my friends.  There is no reason to  waste a second of it in shambles.  You have the power.  Take it back.

I had a beautiful conversation with a coworker of mine the other day.  I’ve felt a lot of disconnection from the team lately.  The work is still getting done and I am fine with the groups I’m overseeing, but the actual team I’m working with feels distant to me.  There are group sessions and discussions where decisions are being made for other team members and I haven’t been included in decisions for my own teams.  So when I had this conversation the other day, a light hit loud and clear: this feeling of isolation is not unique to me and the pattern of what is happening at work is the same for both of us.  The instant we realized what’s happening, that we aren’t alone, it felt different.  There is a distinct pattern for those of us who have a different mindset than those who are working 24/7.  To be fair, we are all at different stages in our lives with kids with different needs etc., but we still should not feel that judgement from our team members.

The day after we had this conversation, I felt lighter.  I felt heard and seen and my coworker said the exact same thing: we didn’t feel so alone.  It’s an empowering thing and a relief to know that you’re not alone and you’re not crazy.  It’s also a sad thing to be on the outside of a group that is supposed to be inclusive.  Especially when there is an impact to your work and reputation.  Just because we go about our assignments differently, it doesn’t mean we are wrong.  My job isn’t to be a perfect clone of you or to read your mind: I was hired to lead a specific group and then I have done the best I can with things I literally knew nothing about.  My coworker alluded to the same thing.

So on the day after our talk, there was a ruckus in the office—yelling and door slamming, the whole nine yards.  The conversation wasn’t heard, but it involved the coworker I had this conversation with.  When I was able to touch base with her later, I found out that one of the other people we’ve been having issues with made a really inappropriate comment about the work ethic of my coworker.  Instead of taking it in like we have been, my coworker went off on her.  And I felt so aligned with her and proud.  When you sit on shit for too long all you do is smell and resent it.  You can’t let that stuff fester or build and you certainly can’t carry it with you.  We all reach our breaking point and it’s unfortunate that we don’t respect each other’s boundaries enough to see what’s really happening or to take in their perspective.  We let our assumptions win.  This was the line for my coworker. 

Previously I would have felt guilty because this is something we normally would have kept quiet.  The talk we had was admittedly provocative for both of us in the regard we finally felt supported enough to voice what was happening.  I mean, I didn’t personally encourage the blow up, but we definitely encouraged honest expression.  And after we reconnected on the blow up, I realized there wasn’t a thing to feel guilty about.  Just because we see it differently doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to express it.  It isn’t our job to make the others feel comfortable: it’s our job to bring to light what’s actually happening.  We have just as much of a right to express ourselves as they do.  I’m happy to identify something that isn’t right and to air it so we can fix what needs to be fixed.  Talking about it is the only way to do that.  Keeping it inside only fosters resentment, and that isn’t something I choose to carry any longer.  So, when the opportunity comes, I highly recommend stirring the pot.  If you let it settle, someone is at the bottom and carries that load.  That isn’t healthy for anyone.  Pot stirrer and proud because that is how you find your path: follow what feels right no matter how uncomfortable it makes others.  You are responsible for your life, not theirs.