Connection Reminder

Photo by Frank Cone on

There’s been a lot going on in the world since…forever.  Some of that has been well beyond our control and some of it feels like it doesn’t impact us the same way as it does other people.  The truth is we are all connected and everything has impacted all of us.  Sometimes when the global picture looks overwhelming, it’s easier to look at the microcosm of our own worlds and start nit-picking the things happening there.  I mean, that’s supposed to be well within our control so if we can’t control the bigger scale, we start tearing apart what’s around us.  But the truth is, what good has that level of scrutiny ever done?  Trying to find any detail that is wrong with your life will not disappoint.  If you’re looking for the negative, you will find it.  It’s all too easy to set some silly standard in your head and have everything else fall short.   But we have it twisted.  It takes just as much energy to look for the negative as it does for the positive.

I started thinking about it the other day when the laundry list of things to do got too overwhelming.  I started to feel really isolated because I had no idea how I was going to complete the mountain of crap in front of me and I got really bitter because I have a partner who is supposed to help me with these things and he wasn’t showing up how I expected him to.  It took me a lot of soul searching, but I really had to pause and look at what I was trying to accomplish.  Who was it for?  What was actually necessary?  Did I have to have it all done in that moment?  And that’s when a little voice in my head said,  “Look for what is instead of what isn’t.”  I smiled.  I realized I had a moment of falling back into the old patterns where I had expectations of how things were supposed to go.  All I needed to do was appreciate what was actually happening instead of lamenting what wasn’t.

This is deeper than gratitude.  This is about honoring the capacity a person has.  Just because they aren’t able to perform up to where you think they should doesn’t mean they aren’t doing their absolute best.  And if someone is willing to put that type of energy into a situation, even if it doesn’t look how you thought it would, then that is something special.  That effort deserves to be recognized.  I took a step back and realized that everything I was projecting onto my partner were my own shortcomings.  I was frustrated because I’d been working long hours in the office, I didn’t get to see my son as much, the house was a disaster, and I still had work to do for my other gigs.  It wasn’t that I wasn’t supported, it was that it was a tight rope of support for the necessities in the moment. 

Given the state of things in the world right now, this seems trivial, but there is a point.  We have the capacity to turn things around in our personal lives. We can see the light in our lives and keep it in perspective: things aren’t that bad.  If we are able to do that then we can become a light for other people.  And then they can become lights and so on and so on.  Keeping things in perspective, respecting the shared humanity we have with EVERY human, and asking what is really necessary in this world will all lead us to the conclusion that we are far more blessed than we think.  Knowing we are blessed and sharing that with other people is the key to shifting the mentality of the world.  Forming a union based on love and light creates a new way.  So start small.  Look for what IS working instead of what ISN’T.  Appreciate the day to day because in the end you will see how important that was.  You don’t want to waste your life wishing for some day when all you have is this day.    

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