Given recent events in my personal life as well as the continued events in our social lives, I want to take a minute to talk about the importance of self-care including protecting your boundaries around time and how you spend it. “Let’s normalize not confusing someone’s free time with their availability,” Broderick Hunter.  We have a terrible habit of assuming when someone isn’t working or fulfilling some other obligation that they are available.  We’ve been trained from early on to give every ounce of our time to other people.  We’ve also been trained to believe that if we don’t give that time that we are selfish.  While we are social creatures, we need time for ourselves to recharge and replenish—and those needs are different for everyone.  We need to change the narrative around taking that time. 

Our work lives play a significant role in this as well.  I’ve mentioned before I work in healthcare and the burnout is real.  Not that all work isn’t susceptible to burnout, it’s just different when your job is to care for people 24/7.  The definition of our roles is to give up our personal time to care for others.  The pressure we put on ourselves and each other is immense and taking a step back is the first step with balancing what needs to be done for ourselves and what needs to be done for all.  I don’t question the value of the things we do but I do question the value of the effort it takes to get there.  If you give up so much of yourself that you’re not fully present, what is the value in being there at all? 

It is not selfish to do what needs to be done for yourself.  It is healthy and necessary.  It is only when we are at our peak that we are able to really give the most in return.  Finding what works for you is key.  The story we tell ourselves about how people recharge is another narrative we have to change.  People need different things.  Some of us get lost in a book.  Others workout.  Some play video games or play with RC cars.  We need to do whatever it takes to make ourselves whole in order to do our best.  I’m a salaried employee and I make sure to take care of myself by leaving after 8 hours every day.  I may still have to do some work later, but I will only be in the office for 8 hours.  That is what I get paid for and that is what I stick to.

It has been proven again and again that taking time to replenish is vital to mental health.  It’s more selfish to demand others fulfill our needs than it is to learn to fulfill ourselves.  Again, we are social creatures, but that doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to do for us what they cannot do for themselves.  The reverse is true as well.  We are only granted a certain amount of time here and we never know what that may be.  It is up to us to define the boundary for how we spend that time.  We are allowed to do that in spite of what we have been told.

Life keeps moving forward, jobs will replace you in a heartbeat.  So do what you need to do.  You are the only person who knows what you need, what is right for you.  And if we aren’t careful or if we don’t take the time to know what we really want, it is all too easy to get swayed into doing things we don’t want.  That is when we feel victimized or martyred.  Realizing that is a choice is the key to stopping it.  So respect your time and others will.  Even if it makes others upset or uncomfortable, that is not your problem.  It’s our job to establish boundaries and to stick with them.  Let’s teach a new story—that it isn’t selfish to do what you need to do for yourself.

“I will never be this version of me again.  Let me slow down and be with her,” Rupi Kaur.  I found this quote last week at a time my mind would NOT stop spinning.  I mean, that isn’t that unusual because my mind never stops, but it was poignant because I had also drawn two cards that day about slowing down and trusting.  About not rushing through the day.  It made me think about my life and how I’ve been rushing every day.  Making decisions in the moment without letting myself really sit with it.  I never learned to sit with myself.  To just accept and understand who I am.  I tried to be everyone else around me.

This life is a gift and we are meant to live it, not tolerate it.  Not endure it.  Not be washed away with it.  We are meant to live.  That means experience everything from heartache to the highest joy and to embrace it all.  It means loving those around us and cherishing the moments we have.  That means embracing life and making decisions and moving forward without regret.  I love that as soon as I decided to move forward with a new version of my life, everything aligned to get me there.  I have felt synchronicity before, but not on this level.  For those things to be so clear and distinct, I couldn’t ignore them.  I know that this is where I’m meant to be.

I was only able to decide on what I wanted my life to look like once I loved myself enough to feel worthy to decide.  I learned to love myself at my lowest, when I had to make decisions based on my survival and the survival of my family.  Those base instincts surrounding survival are powerful and learning to trust them brought me to a place where I could trust myself.  I learned to do that by connecting with the signs in my life and believing that they were for me—and I had no doubt of that because I asked for very distinct, clear signs along my path.  There was no second guessing the answers I received. 

I never anticipated what it would take to feel a connection with myself.  I’ve muddled through self-appreciation and some cursory attempts at hearing my heart but I never understood what it means to have a real connection.  I’ve talked about flow and purpose—all of which remains true—but the experience of being in that position is unlike any other.  For my Potter fans, it’s like being on Felix Felicis. 

The major benefit of feeling that connection is being in the moment.  There is always a past and a future and those thoughts may still linger, but you are very connected to where you are.  You feel what you are doing as you’re doing it.  And you learn to appreciate the beauty that is here now.  It’s a minor change in focus that changes everything.  For an anxious person always living a million miles ahead, being in the moment can be a scary thing because you have to bring your brain back to what is in front of you rather than fixating on how what is in front of you will impact the future. 

Life is a series of moments, each one filled with potential for a million different versions of the future.  When we learn to sit with ourselves, we better define what we want our future to consist of.  Being with ourselves in the now doesn’t take away from the future, it helps write it.  The truth is, we will never know what our future holds and all we can do is make the best decisions with the information we have at the time.  Appreciating where we are and learning to connect with who we are creates an unshakeable force of love and faith, first in ourselves and then it ripples throughout the world.

We are all vulnerable in so many ways and when we slow down we can appreciate both the fragility and resiliency that is the human experience.  Rupi perfectly captures that when she says, “I will never be this version of me again.”  Time passes and we change.  We evolve.  We lose those we love and we win and we create new life and keep moving forward.  All of that is necessary.  Who we are now is not necessarily who we will be.  I love the quote from Jim Rohn, “If you don’t like how things are, change it.  You’re not a tree.”  I would like to add to that even trees have learned to change four times a year.  We get to be who we are and we get to change—but taking the time to slow down and recognize ourselves instills an appreciation that will guide us forever.  So love yourselves.   

This week has been an immense struggle for me.  There were moments I didn’t know what I could possibly be grateful for.  There were moments I felt like I brought all of this on myself.  There were moments I felt like the most terrible person in the world because I knew I couldn’t get anything right.  There were moments of hope mixed in the sadness.  But this was a week where I felt pulled under by the waves.  I’ve always said in those moments it is the most important to still look for things to be grateful for.  This one wasn’t easy.

Today I am grateful for introspection.  Over the last week I have learned so much about myself and the things I need to do.  I have spent so much time putting on a façade of strength and knowing everything and having it all under control that I never once took the time to master my emotions.  I feel horribly weak and behind and the anxiety is ramping up.  But I’ve also realized that just because I’m not the same as others or I can’t do the same things as other people, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure.  It means I have opportunities to learn.  Sometimes I wish I didn’t see so many opportunities because it feels like I’m failing at everything, but keeping things in perspective is what matters.  

Today I am grateful for sticking with it.  I broke down a lot this week and I’ve been up and down emotionally in other aspects as well.  But I didn’t give up for a single second.  I’m well aware of the mental health issues I need to address and I am doing the work to get the help I need.  I leaned on my husband a lot and I focused on work.  I made some time to play with my kid and I read a lot.  I even got to the book store to do something for myself. 

Today I am grateful for self-care.  With as sick as I was, I feel how my body has deteriorated over the last two months.  I’m sluggish and feel weak and I still can’t eat very well.  But I’m improving every day so I did some self-care yesterday and massaged my feet with some really nice oil.  Today I took a long shower and shaved and I oiled my entire body to give myself some love.  I took some time to recognize everything my body has been through in the last couple of months and to appreciate that I am still here.  As much as it hurts, I still have a purpose.  Letting myself fall apart isn’t an option. 

Today I am grateful for my health.  My son asked to go for a walk and at first I didn’t want to go, but sometimes we have to follow the wisdom of toddlers.  I agreed and we took a slow walk through our entire neighborhood.  My body hadn’t moved like that in a while and it felt amazing.  It was definitely needed and it got me out of the house and connecting to my own skin again. I also took the time to meal prep today for the first time in over six weeks.  It wasn’t anything fancy as I’m still struggling to find things that appeal, but I managed to put something together for myself.  I’ve made a commitment to take care of myself and I am getting back to that place. 

Today I am grateful for steps.  One of the things I needed to address was the disaster my house has become.  I know we are all human and we don’t always keep up with things how we hope to, but I have let everything fall apart because I couldn’t keep up.  I physically couldn’t do it.  On Friday we completely cleaned out the freezer and it felt SO good.  That little bit was enough to get me moving.  Yesterday I was able to help in the garage and condense and remove boxes and start purging things we no longer needed.  On some level it might be that cleaning is something I have control over, but it felt like I was addressing things I’ve been putting off for far too long.  It felt good.

Today I am grateful for a better tomorrow.  Right now it is really hard—harder than I thought it would be, to even function.  I’m doing it so I can do what needs to be done, but it feels empty.  It feels false and disembodied to be going through the motions.  I’m constantly reminding myself that this is temporary and I will eventually get through this.  There is no time limit, but this is something I will work through.  The more I am able to do what brings me back to myself, the more human I will feel.  Humans are resilient creatures, and I am no exception.  I will be ok.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week.               

“The energy of miracles can’t manifest in your life if you don’t act miraculously,” Rachel Wolchin.  Even at my lowest point this week, I am proud of myself for at least attempting to see the positive.  I sincerely took the time to connect, to ask for signs, and to believe when they were brought to me.  As painful as this week has been, I know that from the moment I decided to move my life in the direction I wanted, everything aligned.  The universe really does move to make things happen.  I can no longer NOT believe that there isn’t a reason for everything.

I made the mistake for most of my adult life believing that miracles were only the big things or getting the things you wanted—on a side note I am owning my attachment to materialism which I will address later.  Miracles are everywhere everyday.  The fact that we exist is a miracle; all of the events that had to be in place to create our specific existence are nearly countless.  From the moment the universe exploded into existence, to the timing of the creation of all of your family members up to the moment of your creation, we are all the result of divine timing.  Our bodies and how they move, how they are so full of life is a miracle.  Every living thing around us, the concepts we create in our minds, the art we view—it is all miraculous.  The fact that this world naturally provides what we need—it is all miraculous.

There are ways to train yourself to see the miracles in your life.  The one I practice the most is gratitude.  Gratitude tied to a why is one of the most powerful ways to keep the miraculous nature of the earth at the forefront of our minds.  The goal of a gratitude practice is to be present in the moment of all that is and to appreciate it for all that it is. 

If you want to see more miracles, get connected.  Develop a new understanding of what a miracle is.  And believe. In a “need to see it to believe it” society, belief in the miraculous is challenging.  We aren’t taught to act from faith, we are taught to demand proof.  Ironically, proof is exactly what got people into trouble centuries ago.  And we whittled down the beauty of this existence to something so clinical, that we have now lost touch with the softer (but no less powerful) faith.  I am super guilty of this.  There was a point I had so little faith in life that I could literally be holding something and not trust it was real.  What a limiting belief, and how sad to live without magic.

No one is at fault for that incredulity, but it is our responsibility to resurrect that connection and that trust in the universe.  I’ve never been a particularly religious person, but I’ve always maintained some faith.  I see now how little faith I had, but I kept it.  We all know tragedy and pain but that does not stop the world form moving and those thing do not devalue the miracle that is life.  In fact, those things give life more meaning.  They make life more precious and they make us pay attention and keep us presence.  And presence is where life is—because it is all happening now.  That is the miracle: we get the now, and we can make it what we want.

Slow down and listen to what your body is telling you.  Hear your heart and your breath.  Feel the twitches and twinges.  See yourself and really acknowledge your existence.  Then be grateful.  You have a body, you have a mind, you can create the means to do whatever you want.  It doesn’t matter what it looks like, it only matters what it feels like.  Learn to be in your skin for a while and to really connect with yourself.  Then be grateful again. 

“The most powerful thing you can be right now is patient while things are unfolding,” via Be spiritual.  Patience is my biggest struggle by far.  I’m constantly looking for the next thing rather than simply being present where I’m at.  It’s a combination of being Type A, high anxiety, high energy, a lot of creative energy, and mis-channeled habits.  As we get older we see how much grey is in the world.  The drive I had as a child and into early adulthood was all about getting things done, finishing the things I was supposed to be doing. I had very little follow through on the things I wanted to be doing because I assumed once I did what I needed to do I would have time to do what I wanted to do.

They never tell you that there will ALWAYS be something else that “needs” to be done so we have to make the time for what we want to do.  At least, I was never taught that.  I was also never taught that the experience is sometimes more valuable than the goal and I still struggle with that today.  I always thought the point was to get to the end and I’ve lived my life like that for a long time.  But if that is ultimately the goal, then the end is death.  I know for certain there is more in between the beginning and the end than finishing a series of arbitrary goals that are not our own.

I’ve looked at patience as a concept but never really put it into practice.  I thought that was for other people who had time to mess around or who didn’t have “serious” goals.  I also looked at it as something for people who had more time than me.  I see now how ridiculous that is because we never know how much time we really have, regardless.  I also misconstrued patience as a sort of punishment.  That you would have to endure all of these trials in order to get the prize when you were deemed worthy.   

Patience is really the acceptance of the universe in its divine order and learning your place in it.  It’s learning to accept who we are in all forms and all parts of ourselves.  It’s feeling the difficult emotions and not shying away from them.  Patience is the ultimate surrender and trust.  Knowing we made the best choices we could at the time with what we had.  And patience is being open to our humanity. 

I’m learning to integrate this new definition of patience.  It’s easier to swallow than my previous beliefs.  I know I won’t get it perfect, but I see the value and the necessity in slowing down.  We have to let our minds and bodies align in order to apply this type of practice.  And I like how that feels.  So let go of what needs to be done tomorrow and address what needs to be done now and the rest will fall into place. 

We are able to turn tragedy into something beautiful if we sit with it —and if we decide it was something beautiful.  The biggest lesson I’m taking from the events of the last week is that I know what I need to do next.  I need to get my shit together and stop pretending like all of this was irrevocably decided for me.  I need to get my shit together and love every ounce of me.  I need to get my shit together and start taking responsibility for my overall health.

The facets of my life that I want to address are areas I’ve neglected for a long time for the sake of pushing through.  The areas of my health I want to address are mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.  It is so easy to get off balance, especially when we are taking on the things that are not ours.  We are taught so much, regardless, that we lose sight of what is ours and what isn’t. 

I’ve finally incorporated what it means to take care of me.  There was always a reason why I didn’t have time to work out, or go to the doctor, or to do the things I wanted to.  There was always a reason why I couldn’t get started on my projects and then there were reasons why I couldn’t finish them.  There was always a distraction that took precedence, someone who needed something, some reason why my things had to wait.  THAT is what made me sick.  I set the precedent that I came last.  That my needs weren’t important, hoping that someone else would meet my needs for me because I met theirs.  I allowed people to believe that my time would eventually come if I just waited.  I’ve learned that I need to take care of me so my needs ARE met, so I get where I need to be, so I can do the work I need to.    

I’m not 100% sure how I want to tackle all of these areas, but I know this is a big evolution.  This is the solidifying of my foundation.  So when I say a big evolution, I mean that this is a new direction from anything I’ve done before.  Take every ounce of emotion and put it into action.  I listened to “Armchair Expert” today and their guest was Daniel Goleman, the author of “Emotional Intelligence.”  For me this was another sign of the areas in my life I need to work on.  I can no longer let my emotions determine which way this goes because I feel deeply.  That isn’t always a bad thing, but I know I allow myself to be pulled along by the current rather than going with it. I let it consume me rather than float.

This life works out in some really fucked up ways sometimes.  It’s painful and beautiful all at the same time.  We will never know all the answers.  But if we find a way to cognitively get our house in order, if we learn to have a little faith, if we learn to trust ourselves, those fucked up moments become just that: a moment.  If we really rely on those tolls (faith, trust, action) then we may be lucky enough to see the lesson.  And if we are patient with ourselves, we can incorporate the lesson.  We learn that those moments don’t define us—we define ourselves.  We have an incredible amount of resilience in our souls.  The heart continues to beat.  Air still flows in our lungs.  Take care of those precious gifts, take the fucked up moments, and love every ounce of life. 

“Before you try to fix someone else’s vibe, make sure you’re not killing your own in the process.  Protect your own energy first,” via paradise awakening.  Wrapping up the conversation on personal calling and dysfunctional communication, I read this and felt finger pointing was another valuable topic.  Humans are biologically designed to avoid blame because if we did something wrong in prehistoric times, we’d die.  Mistakes literally meant death, and we still carry that primal weight with us.  We are acutely tuned in to how other people make mistakes because we believe we are protecting ourselves but we struggle with seeing our own negative traits.

As I mentioned, I used to think my purpose was essentially to tell everyone what was wrong and how to get back on track.  It made me a nightmare of a person—and it made my life a nightmare of twisted views on perfection and loneliness.  It isn’t until we understand that we have no say in how other people live their lives that we will grasp that we have no control.  I’m not talking about social things like what we wear, I’m talking about the decisions we make based on who we are.  We get caught up in what our own values are because of what we are told and also because we are entitled enough to believe that the world needs to conform to us that we consider other people “wrong.”

This implies a duality of right and wrong—and that just doesn’t exist.  I know that it doesn’t exist outside of the moral code, because the very fact that we are all here at this time, in this place means we are meant to be here.  We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t meant to be.  The only thing that holds true is that we are all here at the same time and we are all given gifts that we are meant to share.  There is nothing wrong with our unique gifts—we have just been trained to fear anything different than ourselves.

Aside from primal programming involving safety, it’s time to let go of the fear.  When we embrace acceptance, we are less prone to point fingers at other people or to label them as wrong.  People aren’t meant to be fixed, we are meant to be cooperative.  Ironically enough, that IS where we are broken.  We spend more time trying to fix the individual than we try to fix the system.  That is where I went wrong all the way into my early adulthood—I was trying to fix people and their behavior instead of seeing the system as flawed.  And flawed it is. 

I’ve spoken about it before and it stands here that if you struggle with accepting others, first learn to accept yourself.  Having a clear vision of what is right for you makes you less prone to say what is right for others.  In fact, when you’re focused on what is right for you, you’re less prone to even worry about what is right for others.  There is an allowance for you to go your way and let people go theirs.  That is what we need more of. 

There are some moments where there is so clearly a before and an after that it feels like you’re being sucked through a hole to the end, seeing nothing around you. It’s been 36 hours since I left off writing, trying to get some work done.  36 hours since I broke down with the reality of losing my child.  36 hours that I would not have gotten through without tremendous support.  I woke up at 1 in the morning from a bad dream and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I finally came downstairs at 3 o’clock and decided to get some work done.  As I began working in a piece about patience, I wrote something along the lines of, “I’m always rushing and I never slow down to listen,” and I completely broke down.  The tears flowed uncontrollably as the weight of what I went through hit me, the finality of it, the fact that there is no turning back time.  I thought about what the future would look like, and for a moment an immense heaviness settled on me. 

As I struggled with the guilt and the anxiety, my thoughts twisting like knives, realizing that part of my life is over, I felt scared and uncertain.  And it hit me that I will never know anything different than this because this is how things played out.  As the thoughts continued, I tried to feel instead of talking my way through it.  I felt this heat spread over my chest, something I have never felt before.  The thought, “This is your release,” hit me.  I know that thought was not my own. 

I went to my mother’s house with my son and on our way there, I asked for a sign that everything was as it should be.  “Dog Days are Over” by Florence and the Machine came on and I saw a hawk fly across the sky—hawks are always a symbol to me, a messenger.  The sky lit up bright red as the sun tried to come out all through the rain.  I thought it appropriate weather considering the physical relief I feel mixed with the emotional weight.  When we arrived at my mom’s I told her what was going on thought wise, and I broke down again.  It’s been less than 72 hours since everything happened, and I think I allowed myself to actually feel today. 

I admitted I needed help.  I’ve always been the kind of person to try to grin and bear it or I’ve pushed through.  This is something I can’t carry alone.  I’ve been trying to ignore the real feelings underneath and to live logically—every step we took forward was met with 10 steps back and the situation was deteriorating rapidly.  There was nothing else to be done, nothing I could do.

I went to my doctor’s office to arrange another appointment and ran into one of the practitioners in the hall as I was leaving.  I told her everything and she listened and coached me and asked me if I wanted a hug.  I held on to her like my life depended on it and cried.  I went downstairs to my office and called my dad.  I called my husband.  I talked to my coworkers.  Words started leaving my mouth without any apparent control from me.  I cried more and I received support in so many ways today.  And all at once I knew that I am incredibly blessed.  I have a support system all around me—all I needed to do was ask for help.

For over a month I have felt so many different things, I couldn’t even begin to process what was happening on some levels.  Not until the aftermath of the very end did it hit me how much it impacted me.  All of the feelings I’ve held onto for 6 weeks came fast and furious.  I know I still have to process them and I know that there may be more to come.  Sometimes it happens slowly where you feel like your entire life is dragging out.  Sometimes it’s the blink of an eye.  For me, it was 36 hours.  That’s what it took for me to go from feeling like my entire world had crumbled to seeing the new foundation built beneath me.  I know it’s brand new, but I feel it beneath my feet.  I am so incredibly grateful. I am strong enough to move on, but I am also fragile now. I am working to take this in and move forward–because this is the after.  

“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short-term discomfort for long-term dysfunction,” Peter Bromberg.  We teach ourselves that it’s better to save the other person’s feelings or to avoid changing something—that it’s easier to go along with something that hurts us rather than doing the work to reach a mutually beneficial agreement.  This is a skill I’m still learning.  When I spoke of being called in a certain direction and going with it even if it makes you uncomfortable, I mentioned that I thought my calling was to correct everyone.  So while I was bold enough to tell people they were wrong, I was never bold enough to tell people they were wrong when they wronged me.  I was still the girl doing their homework in hopes they would befriend me while they ignored me until they needed help again.

We learn to have or avoid difficult conversations when we are very young.  A toddler telling the adult they don’t want to eat a certain food or that they do want a certain toy, to wear certain clothes is a beautiful example.  Children have no fear about letting you know how they really feel.  They feel something and express it.  The adults in our lives can either support those decisions or they reinforce the idea that we just need to listen.  Depending on what you are taught, you can either learn to believe in your own decisions or you learn to mistrust your own instincts.  I was taught the latter in a very conflicted way.  I learned it was important to be right but to not hurt people’s feelings.

As an adult, and as a leader at work, I see where I fail at the difficult conversations.  I wanted people to understand what I expected of them without laying out full expectations—which I know is completely unrealistic.  But I see now how that sets the precedent for the behavior to continue and to constantly set myself up for frustration when my unspoken expectations aren’t met.  Plus, it isn’t always about my expectations, period.  Difficult conversations happen around us all the time and we have the opportunity to learn from them as we experience them.  They help us set boundaries, and yes, expectations, but they help us arrive at a mutual agreement.

The ramification of not having difficult conversations are absolutely dysfunctional.  Everything from creating a one-sided relationship, to being taken advantage of, to saying yes to things we don’t want to do—and saying no to opportunities meant for us, we learn to shy away from life.  It’s key to understand that not everyone is meant to like us.  Our job isn’t to be liked, it is to fulfill our purpose and if we spend our time dysfunctionally, we won’t fulfill our purpose.  So challenge yourselves.  If the food is bad send it back.  If someone crosses a boundary, tell them.  If you care for someone, tell them.  It’s necessary to build an honest relationship based on who you are rather than a false relationship on who they think you are. 

Today I am grateful for rebirth.  The symbolism of this day is not lost on me this year.  Yesterday was my birthday and I miscarried what would have been my second child.  There had been issues from the beginning with my hormone levels, the size of my baby, the heart rate, profuse bleeding, polyps, and an inability to keep anything down or function.  I had been living in an in-between, waiting for my body to recover or release and it took weeks.  I knew the day was coming and I know that having it happen on my birthday was a sign of cleansing and moving into the next phase of my life.  As difficult as it was, I feel relief.  I’m no longer feeling ill, I can function again, and I can move forward.  It will take time to recover, yes, but I am in a better place to do that now.

Today I am grateful for love.  With everything I’ve been going through I have felt such an enormous outpouring of love from family, friends, and coworkers.  I truly have never felt so supported in my life and it is an amazing feeling. 

Today I am grateful to see the sun again—in more ways than one.  It’s a gorgeous Easter Sunday—72 degrees, sun shining bright and it is such an uplifting day.  I feel so happy to see such a beautiful day and spend time with my family.  I miss the tradition of the day since we aren’t all together, but I am so happy to pass on some love and hope and to share some time together. 

Today I am grateful to step back into my purpose.  The last 6 weeks have been so hard, emotionally, and physically.  I could barely play with my son, I spent every day sick, I was missing time from work, I had infusions, endless bloodwork and ultrasounds, I was on tons of medication.  I didn’t even feel like me.  I kept my work going, yes, but it was no small feat.  For that I am grateful as well.  But the way things have worked out have brought me closer to something else: my truth and what I really need to do.  The release of fear, the understanding of miracles looking different than we expect, and appreciating what we have. 

Today I am grateful to see truth in others.  I’ve begun the process of evaluating the content of my life including people I thought I looked up to or aspired to be like, or even people I considered inspirational.  I understand we don’t get to see all sides of everyone’s story—that isn’t possible nor is it necessary or healthy.  But when you experience life at its most vulnerable and raw and are forced to deal with your own bullshit, you start to see through the bullshit everywhere else.  I’ve seen tons of people talking about cleaning up your feed—it’s the damn truth.  If someone is spouting crap in your life, you’re taking that in—let it go. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.