“Before you try to fix someone else’s vibe, make sure you’re not killing your own in the process. Protect your own energy first,” via paradise awakening. Wrapping up the conversation on personal calling and dysfunctional communication, I read this and felt finger pointing was another valuable topic. Humans are biologically designed to avoid blame because if we did something wrong in prehistoric times, we’d die. Mistakes literally meant death, and we still carry that primal weight with us. We are acutely tuned in to how other people make mistakes because we believe we are protecting ourselves but we struggle with seeing our own negative traits.
As I mentioned, I used to think my purpose was essentially to tell everyone what was wrong and how to get back on track. It made me a nightmare of a person—and it made my life a nightmare of twisted views on perfection and loneliness. It isn’t until we understand that we have no say in how other people live their lives that we will grasp that we have no control. I’m not talking about social things like what we wear, I’m talking about the decisions we make based on who we are. We get caught up in what our own values are because of what we are told and also because we are entitled enough to believe that the world needs to conform to us that we consider other people “wrong.”
This implies a duality of right and wrong—and that just doesn’t exist. I know that it doesn’t exist outside of the moral code, because the very fact that we are all here at this time, in this place means we are meant to be here. We wouldn’t be here if we weren’t meant to be. The only thing that holds true is that we are all here at the same time and we are all given gifts that we are meant to share. There is nothing wrong with our unique gifts—we have just been trained to fear anything different than ourselves.
Aside from primal programming involving safety, it’s time to let go of the fear. When we embrace acceptance, we are less prone to point fingers at other people or to label them as wrong. People aren’t meant to be fixed, we are meant to be cooperative. Ironically enough, that IS where we are broken. We spend more time trying to fix the individual than we try to fix the system. That is where I went wrong all the way into my early adulthood—I was trying to fix people and their behavior instead of seeing the system as flawed. And flawed it is.
I’ve spoken about it before and it stands here that if you struggle with accepting others, first learn to accept yourself. Having a clear vision of what is right for you makes you less prone to say what is right for others. In fact, when you’re focused on what is right for you, you’re less prone to even worry about what is right for others. There is an allowance for you to go your way and let people go theirs. That is what we need more of.