Category Archives: Advice

Choices

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At this moment you have a chance to make a choice that creates change.  This came from the Law of Attraction, Vibe of the Day and I started thinking about choice in general.  I started pondering why we change, why we don’t.  Why we stick where we know we will be stuck.  Why we fight the inconsequential like the defense of our ego but not the defense of another person.  Why the struggle for power over assuming shared responsibility to make a better outcome for all.  In the cosmic sense of things we look at the small picture, seeking to deal with the emotional implications of the situation in front of us rather than the root of the issue.  We don’t think big enough, meanwhile, we micromanage our days because we seek to control in place of purpose.

I know it’s easy to be overwhelmed by purpose so many people give up prior to pursuing it.  But simply, purpose is connection.  It is alignment, natural and fluid. It is not forced.  We are so attached to outcomes because we fear the unknown.  So we fight to control—everything.  We think if we take control of all of the steps and people we encounter in between the start and finish that we know how something will look and feel.  I want to be clear that I am INCREDIBLY guilty of this—I could have written the book on control issues.  But bringing awareness to the behavior is key.  Understanding why you want to control is huge.  There is a fear somewhere inside that won’t let you rest so it comforts us to think we have control—but that is an illusion.

Quite simply, there are a million better ways to spend the energy devoted to controlling things.  Put it toward self-discovery. Goals. Ideas. We can’t get to where we want to be without putting in the work that will get us there.  Wallowing over the minor details won’t get you there any faster so make sure you’re focusing on aligning rather than dictating what happens.  Like an archer, aim true and let go so to speak.

It’s uncomfortable to let go of control because it’s scary.  The only constant in life aside from everything changing is that we will never be able to dictate the outcome no matter how many variables we try to control.  That alone helped me step forward.  Some other things were starting small.  Start with what feels right.  Start with curiosity if you have to—see how the things you’re interested in all link.  Start with intention.  Let it all develop and evolve into the masterpiece you’re creating.  Above all else, no matter what, no matter how unsure or fearful you may be, LISTEN TO THAT CALL.  Hear the yearning of your soul.  Pay attention to the things that quicken your pulse.  THAT is the direction you must go.

In spite of anything you feel you should do, follow what you are called to do.  Anything less will deplete your energy and drain your soul.  You will live a half-life, never fully awake and with only your toe in the water.  For the love of yourself, when you hear something screaming, “This is it!” go do that.

Make the choice to drop the fear and live your authentic self.  Follow your calling and share your gifts because at the end of the day that is what will make you come alive.  Own the power of responsibility that comes when you dive all the way in.  Own the power that comes with belief.  Belief in your abilities.  Belief in the purpose of your actions.  Make the choice to drop the weight of every half-hearted decision and to live with eyes wide open, making one aligned choice at a time.

Hard Work is…Easy?

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I want to talk about a common misconception that work is supposed to be hard.  Our culture dictates that any work that is worth while requires blood, sweat, and tears.  Because of this we tend to feel that if we aren’t slaving over some project that it isn’t worth our time.  We either chalk it up to a hobby and place it on the back burner in favor of other endeavors, work for other people, or we simply ignore it and fall into a routine.  We need to get that out of our heads.

Over the last few months as I have built this business, I have learned a lot about what it requires to achieve personal goals.  I work full time and I have a family (husband, kid, 3 cats, and a dog), and all of my work on these posts comes after all of that is taken care of.  There are nights I have to work late at my job and this still comes after the fact—unless I have posts prepared from the weekend if I have extra time.  I work on these blogs 7 days a week.  It takes a lot of time and I am often tired because of all of the other things I have to get done in a day but I do it every day.  While I was working on this the other day it hit me, none of this feels like work in spite of the fact that I have to plan and prepare and, again, I’m working on this 7 days a week.  I’ve come to realize that the work we are meant to do, while it is WORK because there is a ton of effort required, doesn’t feel like a labor.  It’s a project that I enjoy and gives me meaning.

Now, as I mentioned, there is effort, even in work we enjoy.  I’m a realist and I know that work isn’t all about joy either.  The point of work is to fulfill a purpose but the emotional reaction we have to it is highly entwined with whose purpose it is we are serving.  I read a quote that stated something along the lines of we aren’t tired because we have done too much, but because we have done too little of what ignites our soul.  I immediately thought AMEN when I read that.  It made so much sense.  How often when we wake up in the morning do we immediately think, “I don’t want to go to work today.”?  It’s no wonder it feels so draining—we are immediately resistant to what we have committed to doing.  When we do the things we are drawn to, the energy is totally different—some say we feel more alive.  We feel willing to do the work and it feels like it flows.

To be clear, I’m not saying that work is supposed to be easy, just that we don’t have to have the misconception that it is difficult.  In fact, like with most things in life, much of the result we get or how we feel about it is how we approach what we are doing.  So, really, the point is that even with work that you may not enjoy, try to approach it with an attitude of openness and a willingness to learn.  Try and spend as much time doing the work you love and limit your time with distraction.  We are allowed to invest in ourselves and we are allowed to be happy.  People don’t have to be miserable or stretched thin in a perpetual state of busy to be worthy.  The most worthwhile work is what brings you joy, joy that you can share with others.  If the work for your passion project comes easy, don’t be fooled into thinking “this can’t be it” because the truth is more likely that this is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.

Sticking With Your Choices

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I read a post today that said, “Be firm about your choices right now.  Don’t go backwards to habits and situations that weren’t helping you evolve.  You have to keep reminding yourself why you even decided to move forward.  Stay positive about what’s to come by being consistent with your change now.”  Law of attraction Live, Vibe of the Day.

This hit a few points for me, the first is that change doesn’t happen overnight.  It’s easy to fall back into those old habits because you’re not seeing the result you’re hoping for.  It’s also easy because we know our comfort zone like an old friend and are scared to leave it.  We don’t know what is on the other side once we make the decision to be something else.  The other thing I thought about is how change makes people around us uncomfortable because they have to change to match your energy.  Some people can’t handle that and they will fall away.  Don’t ever make that about you.  Don’t give up what you have accomplished to appease someone else’s comfort zone.  It’s bad enough that most of us suffocate within our own little bubble, don’t ever do it inside of someone else’s.

The other side of this is that taking actions that are good for us tend to make US uncomfortable because we don’t want to hurt anyone.  We feel like our successes diminish other people’s chances to accomplish their goals.  The latter part is simply not true because the more we flourish, the more we have available to help others.  And something we are scared to admit is that your life is worth more than someone else’s temporary feeling.  You are allowed to breathe and create and flourish even if it makes others upset.  That energy should elevate others around you, not cause them to bring you down.  So we can’t take it personally when those around us are uncomfortable with our growth.  The only thing we should take personally is our relationship to ourselves; the longest relationship we have is with ourselves so worry about disappointing yourself.  You can walk away from the rest, no matter how hard it is, you can change your story at any time.

It can be scary to walk the path alone for a while but the resilience you build, the confidence you foster, and the skills you develop are unparalleled.  They will serve the person you are meant to be so you can open up to serve your purpose.  So take control of your space—mental and physical.  Set your goals and intentions.  Do the work and watch what happens.  When you think you need to stop, keep going.  The lessons you learn and share with the world can hold the key to someone else’s evolution as well.

These are hard lessons to swallow because we feel guilty—I just talked about that the other day.  The key to get past this is to practice self-acceptance.  Practice pride in who we are as a person.  I’m not talking about ego and arrogantly thinking that what we do is always right I’m talking about being happy for the chance to exist and make something good in our lives that can impact others.  We have a gift in that we are all here now and we have the means to create and we all have unique gifts to share.  Sharing those gifts with the world will ultimately make the world a better place and we can shift to a new state of being.  So focus and when it gets hard or uncomfortable, keep going safe in the knowledge that you are doing what is right.

Small Wins Make Big Results

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I think it’s important from time to time to take a moment and observe.  No pushing, no desiring the next level, no desperate actions.  Just being where you are.  Just looking at where you’re at and acknowledging the accomplishments you’ve made.  Recognize that you are where you need to be because you’ve already made it this far.  It’s ok to enjoy the pause and to celebrate where you’re at.  When you can acknowledge your successes it opens the door for more.  Plus it gives you time to regroup and prepare for the next level without hustling for it.

It’s important to remember that this is how it begins: small.  Innocuous, even.  One breath at a time.  But it begins and we are moved from the before to the after.  One day we are working to make it and then we have made it.  We are changed, we are no longer what we were before.  We are no longer who we were in the before.  We often don’t realize they are happening.  It’s a subtle shift.  What was once tolerable no longer is.  What was funny no longer is.  What used to appeal and the things we wanted no longer seems important.  We grow, and we act according to this new information.  Don’t limit yourself to the confines of what your fears tell you.

Believe in the possibilities because there is real magic in the world.  We can reawaken it.  We show that belief by showing appreciation in the steps along the way.  I’ve spoken before about how we have been trained to only celebrate the big wins, or the overall win.  That mentality diminishes the work we do along the way.  It undermines the small victories.  We have every right to celebrate the steps we take toward our goals because there are people who are afraid to even honor what they really feel let alone take a single step toward what they want.  In a society that trains us to deny what we want, this toxic trait is making people cynical toward themselves.  If we expect to feel any sense of happiness we can’t wait for one moment, one grand goal to bring that to us—every step counts.

For me, I want people to see the beauty in the little things.  The simple things can often mean the most.  Honestly, when I started looking at what I had accomplished it gave me a boost to continue working on the things I wanted.  It gave me the confidence to continue working toward my goals.  I’m talking about everything from being grateful to breathe, to having clothes, to doing something fun that day, to doing whatever little thing it may be that you enjoy—and being in that moment.

There are a lot of moments in life that we gloss over as unimportant.  But when we stop and look at how lucky we are, how blessed we are, you understand that each moment is a gift, not just the end result.  No matter what it is, there is something to be grateful for.  Take the time to find that in every day, celebrate this life because that is where the joy is.  We have to create it—so create it as beautifully as you can.  Start where you are—that’s all you need to do.

Breaking Dysfunction-Haircut Talks

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In nearly every one of the billion self-help books I’ve read, they discuss at one point or another the importance of recognizing your own bullshit.  It goes from every extreme—no one is as pious as they seem and no one is as much a sinner, either.  The point is that regardless of where you are, you have to recognize that position and where you want to go from there before you can move on.  If you don’t own your behavior and accept the responsibility for your role in your own life, you will repeat the lessons until you are forced to.

Yesterday I reached out to my cousin to have my hair cut (and my husband and son’s as well).  After a lot of conversation, I came to realize that we are here to break generational patterns of dysfunction.  We are the people who are here to fix what was done before us.  We are here to bring light to the dark and to work with the tough stuff—not to run from it.  We are trying to make it better.  After our talk, I came to realize a few things:

  1. I can slow down a little. This is my entire life we are talking about—it’s ok to slow down and enjoy it. Constantly wishing to be somewhere else is just wishing my life away and that is a sad waste of time.
  2. I am in a great place to move forward. With a little bit of elbow grease, I can move closer to goal.
  3. Putting continued pressure on my family and myself for things to be a certain way is just going to break us. It’s going to break me because I never leave much time to relish or take in where I’m at.  I just keep looking at the next goal.  I look at achievements as stepping stones—they aren’t a foundation.  They add to it and build it, but one stone can’t support the weight of a dream so you need to keep building.
  4. I need to take much better care of myself. I really love my life, I want to be healthy enough to enjoy it.
  5. My choices and actions, big or small, determine the result. If I don’t like how something is, I can change it.
  6. Everything changes. We are responsible for adapting.  We can plan and plan but the universe will have its way so we need to find balance between what we want and what is.  Make the choice to be flexible.
  7. Let it go. Let it flow—but don’t get sloppy or lazy.  Just because we can’t control it all doesn’t mean we don’t control our reactions.  You have to move with it.
  8. I don’t need to keep this anxiety. It’s not real anyway.  I have a lot to be grateful for and I am on my way to more.  My energy is much better spent on things that benefit others rather than on inconsequential or perceived things.
  9. As everything changes, nothing is permanent. Life is always in flux so where we are at now is not where we will always be.  Don’t let the anxiety over a current situation take over.
  10. Living in the past or future doesn’t change where you are. Learn to be present

In the spirit of transparency, that talk with my cousin kicked me in the ass.  I saw things in myself that I’ve created.  I barely slept last night thinking about it over and over again and I knew the repeating thoughts were also my choice.  They were the same useless thoughts repeating and inflicting new wounds.  Truth is I felt like I deserved to hurt for a long time because of the blessings I have.  I used to think that to have something good, you also need to hurt and that was just how it worked.  All of this fear, anxiety, and negativity I inflicted on myself and on others was for nothing.  Everything is fixable—I had to learn to look at it another way.  Making mistakes comes with being human so we have to learn to take ownership of the learning opportunities as well.

The other thing I know I need to own is that I’ve had the habit of pretending to be a victim and holding myself back while blaming other people for me not moving forward.  I know I have to own my power and accept it.  I know that I can do better and that I haven’t taken the full, fearless leaps.  I haven’t taken them because I am afraid of having responsibility for something when I’m not even sure what it is yet.  I have had a hard time garnering support around my home so it’s easy to let the things I want to do fall to the wayside in favor of the things I need to do.  But it isn’t an excuse.  Marie Forleo wrote on her page the other day “If it’s that important to you you’ll make the time, if not you’ll make an excuse.”  Yes it’s tiring to do it all, but if it’s getting me closer to what I really want to do then I have to do it.

The last thing that went through my mind in all of this was how we are simultaneously too hard and too soft on ourselves.  We are hard on ourselves for the every day mistakes, the things that can be fixed but we attach some sort of stigma to.  We are too hard on our mental state as we push ourselves to the limit in so many ways to keep up and our minds, bodies, and souls just can’t handle that speed.  At the same time we allow ourselves to talk about what we will do someday (without taking action) and binge watch T.V. or eat another package of cookies because we don’t feel comfortable dealing with what brought us here.  We aren’t comfortable looking within and finding the answers we need to tap our full potential.  We are afraid to stray from what we know and what it will mean if we do something different.  Believe me, we are strong enough to say “I need to redirect my focus and I am no longer going to do things that don’t serve my purpose, my soul, and the life I am trying to build.”  That is the scariest step to take because it puts us on unfamiliar ground with a lot of people.

The truth is that unfamiliar ground can be molded into what we need for a foundation.  It puts us in a position to dig deep and figure out what we can really do.  It shows us where the depth is.  If you want to make changes and do something different with your life, you need to do the uncomfortable work.  Learn where you are strong and figure out a way to play to that.  Learn where you are weak and try to strengthen it.  Above all, don’t take any crap, least of all from yourself.  Life is hard enough so be gentle enough on yourself to allow the course to unfold, but disciplined enough to say, “I can do better.”  And then do better—it will only bring you closer to who you want to be in the end.

Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for completion.  We managed to finish several projects we’ve been procrastinating on and it feels amazing.  I also was able to do a ton of food prep this week—not just lunches, but dinners and a snack as well.  It felt like an incredibly productive day.

Today I am grateful for the amazing little moments.  This morning while I was doing all of my meal prep, my son came in the room and he helped me put together the last of the snacks by rolling them in coconut for me.  He had an absolute blast and it was the first time he got to do more than just watch me—which he loves doing that as well—but he impressed me and really helped out.  It’s pretty awesome to watch my little man grow up.

Today I am grateful for spontaneity.  While we were waiting for laundry to get done and for a few other miscellaneous things to finish, we had the opportunity to run as a family and get our hair cut.  It was nice to get all of our hair done at once.  Since my cousin cuts hair, it was also a nice chance to see her and catch up.

Today I am grateful for extra snuggles.  Right before we decided to go get our hair cut, my son and I snuggled on the couch together and laughed and got cozy under the blankets.  I feel so fortunate to have such an affectionate son.

Today I am grateful for a level headed husband.  There were a lot of emotions today and a lot of chaos but he kept going forward.  I had wanted to get some of this work done yesterday so I was a little frustrated but we managed to pull it off today.

Today I am grateful for trying a new routine.  The last two mornings I have been up relatively early and the first thing I have done is take care of the dog and then the cats.  After the dog ate, I then took her out for another walk.  Moving my body first thing in the morning isn’t something I usually have the time to do and it felt amazing.  It made me realize how much I sit and how much more I need to move.

Today I am grateful for the new perception of time.  I struggle with anxiety related to time and not getting things finished when I feel they should be.  As I was enjoying the walk/run I took with the dog this morning, I realized that all of the pressure I put on myself related to time is just that: pressure I put on myself.  Things always get done.  Always.  Going with the situation and doing what needs to be done is much easier than fighting it.

Today I am grateful for my bed.  As I write this, I’m thinking of what a busy weekend it has been and I am looking forward to sleep.  I’m proud I’ve been moving things forward again because it means that I am working toward my goals—and making progress.  But I am enjoying the process.  It feels better taking action than it does sitting and waiting for something to happen.  Small Steps for Big Results.

Guilt

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I woke early this morning, well before sunrise.  I felt the wheels spinning in my mind without even trying.  Thoughts of how I spend my money, how I’m not sure going to be able to live the life I want, whether or not I really deserve a vacation, am I a selfish person, am I a good partner, am I a good person, do I do enough for others and to achieve my dreams, coupled with all of the things I have to do today all jabbed my brain at high speed before I had my eyes open enough to realize I was awake.  I’m well aware that this is an all too common occurrence for people.  Our minds are our own worst enemies and uncontrolled, they can create far more damage than anyone else ever could.

After the week that I’ve had, wrestling with emotions about my role at work, my role as a daughter, and my role as a wife and mother, those waking thoughts pushed me.  I know that when my mind spins, there is something I can do about it because my thoughts are the only thing I can control.  This is still an incredibly challenging task for me because there are still times I’m not sure I’m allowed to do take control and think something different.  Being raised the way I was, guilt was a staple in our home.  If you felt bad about something then you probably deserved it.  As an adult working on breaking patterns to create a different life, I know better, but the habit is still there.

Regardless, I got up, fed the cats, put the dog on a leash and we went for a walk.  I knew I had to get moving because I was too much in my head.  Removing the focus from the mental and bringing myself back to the physical immediately stops the thoughts from swirling.  It felt good.  I started thinking about why these thoughts still pop into my head and all I could come up with is that my brain still doesn’t know any other way than guilt.

Guilt has driven me insane because I question nearly every action I take—and I mean every action from what time I went to bed, to how much I read, to how much I ate, to what I wore, to the amount I played with my son, to how much writing I accomplished, to how I treated people and every conversation I had.  Again, I know logically that I can’t function like this but it is challenging to stop it when it is so innate.  It’s so important to bring awareness to it, though.  And maybe that is my first step—being aware of where my actions are coming from.  Are they from guilt and a sense of “I should be doing x” or are they coming from a place of peace and trust and knowing that I am working from alignment?

Guilt is a useless emotion when it is overused and when it is used in the wrong context.  The spinning thoughts that still bring me out of bed don’t serve any purpose other than to disrupt my peace.  So why bother with them?  Why continue to allow them to have any part of my day?  The short answer is I don’t have to—no one does.  Any thought that creates any damage in our minds needs to eliminated.  So get selective with your thoughts and with building the mindset you want.  You are allowed to change your habits to create a positive inner space.  All it does is create a more positive outer space as well—and that is something that radiates out to the world.

I think the topic of guilt is touchy because so many people feel like it is an emotion they are supposed to feel on some level and they’re not comfortable thinking they don’t need guilt.  Brene Brown talks about the topic of guilt in great detail, especially in reference to its uses and the difference between guilt and shame.  I tend to agree with her that guilt CAN be a useful emotion because it alerts us to the fact that something we have done is wrong and we have an action to rectify or that we are astute enough that we WOULD feel guilt if we took a certain action.  It gives us the wherewithal that our actions impact others.  But the guilt I’m talking about here, the guilt that wakes you up for no reason is deadly.  I’m talking about the high gear guilt that takes free range in the mind and tells you that your existence is something you should be repentant for, that every action is something you should feel guilty about because you could have done better.  I don’t think guilt is a great motivator because when we act only from a place of guilt, our actions are never our own and that skews our aligned purpose.  It’s not coming from an authentic place and can lead us to do things we shouldn’t be doing up to being taken advantage of.

So in those moments where we are spinning or when we are taking action because we feel guilty, pause and think about where you want to be.  Living authentically comes from understanding clearly what our motivation is and what we want to do, how we want to feel.  It means knowing that you’re not obligated to feel guilty for your own existence.  It means knowing what you want to feel like throughout the day and doing what it takes to feel that way.  This morning, I knew I didn’t want to start my day like that and I didn’t want to spend my day wallowing in it, so I took care of the animals and I moved my body.  I stepped out of myself for a little bit to reset myself.  I know what I need to do today, and that is what I’m going to focus on.  Accomplishing one small thing at a time.

Reasons to Take That Chance

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“Go ahead, you never know what can be on the other side”  Life is too short and there are too many options for us to constantly play it safe.  There is no reason to not go after what it is we want most in the world.  90% of the fears we feel we were taught or are in our own head so it stands to reason that if our own limitations are what stops us then we need to learn to get beyond those limits.  Nansia Movidi says, “Be true to yourself and watch how captivating life really is.  How beautifully everything aligns just for you.”  I truly believe that when we find what we are meant to do that authenticity radiates to the universe and shows us the next step.  We wouldn’t be given the idea to pursue an action if we weren’t capable.  Step out of your own way and see what happens.

Speaking from experience, I can say that everything changes once you take a chance on yourself.  All it took for me to garner some confidence was actually seeing my dream through and pushing the “publish” button on my first post.  I did it with minimal knowledge of how to maintain a blog or even the direction it would be going in but I still did it. The point is to take that action whether you are an expert or a novice.  You learn a ton from taking that first chance.  There is a huge stigma about being our own cheerleaders as if it is something to be ashamed of.  Like we aren’t allowed to take action until we have approval that we are good enough.  Trust me, most of those who are pointing critical fingers your way are those who didn’t take a chance on themselves.

You don’t need permission to do something you love.  No one has the right to tell you what is good enough or what you should be doing.  And quite frankly, we only get one ticket on this ride so make it count and take the chance you want to experience what you want to experience.  There isn’t a right time or place, there is only what we have in front of us and where we are at.  We can either work with that and take the steps to get where we want to be or we can stagnate.  I believe we are meant to experience magic while we are here and we have lost sight of that because we are taught to see value in things, not experiences.  The fact that we are here at all is magic and we shouldn’t take it for granted.

People so often regret the things they didn’t do while they had the chance so don’t wait for someone to tell you it’s ok.  You are here right now and you can make it happen and the right people will always find you to help your dreams along the way.  Don’t think that you need to wait for everything to be perfect before you try something new.

This life is a gift.  Don’t waste it being part of a broken machine.  Take the time to get honest with yourself and see what ignites you.  Once you see that little spark inside, there is no going back.  Life on the other side of what you fear is a whole new ballgame.  The opportunities we see when we let go of what we think has to happen are far greater than what we contrive in our minds.  We can always add value to where we are by being who we are meant to be.  Don’t ever think that what you do isn’t a gift or isn’t needed.  There are always people who need your input and the message you deliver speaks to them.

So, be the flame, be the instigator, ignite your life and let your spark shine.  Don’t be afraid of what other people say because if they think you’re too bright, they aren’t meant for you.  Take your time and don’t let anyone hold you back.  Be authentic.  Be real.  Just be who you are meant to be without fear, shame, or concern for whether or not it is the right thing.  You can’t go wrong when you are authentic and of service to those around you.

Change of Plans

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I had a post prepared and ready to go for tonight but I realized that I needed to do something different.  Today was an incredibly challenging day.  Short version is that it started with feeling just slightly off—a little out of alignment.  Nothing that couldn’t be fixed and I didn’t let it weigh me down in the slightest.  As the day progressed, a series of events unfolded that I couldn’t make up if I tried.  I felt myself giving in and ready to wallow in it.  I even started asking what on Earth I do that attracts this kind of stuff.  Then it hit me:  I give into it.  Even though I maintained my cool through the first 10 crises, I couldn’t keep a brave face after that and I started to speak negatively, “knowing” more bad things were coming.  So they did.  It truly took me until now to see that.  In the spirit of ending this day on a positive note, I believe that some gratitude is needed.

Today I am grateful to breathe.  In spite of all the complaining and frustration today, I have air in my lungs and I have a functioning body.  I still have the opportunity to turn things around and create a life I love.

Today I am grateful for my friend’s happiness.  A good friend of mine received some amazing news that she shared with me today.  Hearing how happy she is made me feel amazing for her and so grateful that she chose to share this news with me.  Even with all the icky-ness in the world, there is still a lot of room for good things.

Today I am grateful for my husband.  Even though he couldn’t help me solve the issues that arose throughout the day, he still helped me in his own way.  He made food for me and took care of our son while I decompressed and took a shower.  It didn’t change anything that happened, but it gave me enough time to take the edge off.

Today I am grateful for my son.  Parenting is challenging—my word it is SOOOO challenging.  But that little human is a heart-weasel and he makes me laugh (probably at things I shouldn’t find funny) and he knows how to have fun.  He knows how to show love.  His little hugs are the biggest source of warmth, love, and kindness I know and I am lucky to have that.

Today I am grateful for divine intervention.  With all of the “no” that happened today, with all of the challenges, this is an opportunity for me to look at this as a redirection.  Clearly the path I was going down was not right for whatever reason.  I know I did my best and I worked from a place of the highest good for all.  This is, perhaps, an opportunity to focus on the areas that I’ve struggled with all along and approach this from a new angle.  An opportunity to work on the areas that I still need to develop as a leader.

Today, more specifically tonight, I am grateful to have the chance to start again-now.  I will keep breathing, I will keep gratitude at the forefront of my mind, and I will keep moving forward.  I will work toward my goals and not let the setbacks get to me.  I will not take other people’s insecurities personally.  I will take the lesson and turn it around.  I will let go and let the rest fall where it needs to, and I will begin again.

Tonight I am grateful for rest.  I’m taking the rest of the evening to put everything aside and get clear with myself.  I am going to spend time with my son and then I am going to read.  Maybe cap the night off with some junk T.V.  After that I am going to sleep and let it all go away.  The day is done—I am not.  😊

Growth as Adaptation

bloom blooming blossom blur

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“Learning to unlearn, growing to outgrow” Roxanne Vibes.  I’ve never made it a secret that I spent most of my life as a control freak.  I adamantly wanted certain things to be a certain way because it made sense to me so I did what I had to do to make that happen.  I’m not proud of it, but I felt like things were supposed to be a certain way and I felt comfortable when that happened.  We all have our reasons for behaving as we do and sometimes it takes a long time to own up to it.  For me it started with a general feeling of discomfort when the day to day stopped feeling good. I subconsciously started looking for other things to control and that quickly stopped feeling good too. I noticed that a lot of the things that should have been routine for me and things that should have gone off without a hitch started falling apart.  When it became a pattern of things just not going according to plan, the frustration escalated to the point where I knew I had to re-evaluate.

It was a learning point for me because I understood that people operate from their point of understanding so what makes sense to me may not make sense to them.  I had to learn that it wasn’t my job to control people.  If I’m honest it never really worked anyway.  That understanding made me look at the pattern of my life so far.  It made me look at what else needed to shift for me.  The behaviors we take with us, including our control issues, are learned.  That means we can make the choice to change them.  We have to unlearn patterns we’ve repeated for years.  And that is a process.

The desire to change has to be greater than the comfort of repeating what we know.  The life on the other side of our known patterns is so much bigger than what we have in our safety zone.  Our comfort zones feel good until they suffocate us.  When we learn to lean into the discomfort of learning something new, we open up our space just a little more.  Practicing to grow beyond our comfort zones will lead us where we need to be with each choice we make that aligns with the decision to move forward.  It is reinforced with every yes or no we say.

It takes time to recognize our part in the results of where we are at in our lives.  We are afraid of the power we have in our own lives because it means we are accountable for something.  This often manifests in a couple of ways: 1. We often spend more time telling other people what they should or shouldn’t be doing than looking at what we are doing.  2. We become hyper-critical about ourselves without taking action on it.

We all fall into both categories at one time or another because for the former, it’s easier to look at what other people are doing wrong because we see it from the outside.  We don’t take the time to look at the entire situation surrounding their actions and we are now trained to assume the worst in people.  For the latter, it’s easy criticize ourselves when things don’t match what our perception of them says they should be.  For example, we have no issue complaining about the way we look but we don’t discuss that we eat like crap or that we stopped working out or that we don’t sleep more than three hours a night.  Which leads to the next point which is that it’s easy to play victim, it’s hard to take ownership.  But shifting that perspective makes all the difference in the world.  That ownership is a reclamation of our power.

It is far more satisfying to operate from a place of knowing the patterns you need to break than it is to continue to move feeling like you have no other choice.  There is freedom in that because when you’re a victim you have no options.  When you look at your actions in the situation, you know you can change that.  There is power with accountability.