I’ve been working through Jen Sincero’s book, “Badass Habits.”  She talks about aligning your actions with who you want to be—we’ve talked about it before—but I really love how she breaks it down.  She talks about identifying a single trait rather than trying to overhaul your whole identity at once.  She walks through the words you use to describe yourself in your current state.  Then she takes you through breaking down your thoughts surrounding that identity.  Then she goes deeper into the beliefs you have about that identity and then the feelings.  Finally she wants you to look at the repeated actions you take that keep you where you are.

The cool thing about this process is you can look not only at your current state, but where you want to go.  Using the exact same steps above, pick an identity that you are striving to become, a new part of your personality you want to make your own.  Then work through what it would take to become that person by breaking down the steps above.  Slowly strip away the things that don’t align with that. 

In short, it’s about focus.  Eliminating distractions and bullshit stories (we’ve all got ‘em…too short, too fat, not enough time, not enough money, ‘I don’t know’ etc.).  To align with Sincero’s premise, it’s about being intentional with habits and knowing what you need to let go of as well as what habits you need to adopt to get where you want to go.  STEP INTO YOUR POWER!!

A good check point is to look at your gifts and see where you can use them.  Get serious about what you can offer and do that.  I challenge everyone to consider what you are willing to change to live the life you want.  Our routines also become habits so it is SO important to choose well, to choose how you want to feel—see above 😊 When you feel your life is stagnant or there is some part you can’t tolerate any longer, enforce that power to choose and recreate your habits.  It won’t all happen in one day but that one step will make you feel better than a million years running blindly on the same track.

So listen to that call.  Listen to those nudges inside that say, “It’s time to do something more” and shove fear aside to break free.  We have a limited time on this Earth so there is no reason to not go for it.  In 100 years we will all be gone anyway so take the chance and do what you are called to do.  Even if it starts with 15 minutes of dedicated action a day you will see a shift. 

Roughly five weeks ago I found out I had some health issues going on.  I went to the doctor yesterday to continue the process of following up and determining next steps/finding conclusive answers.  I am so grateful that I got positive news that guided me in the right direction.  I also got some unexpected news that essentially put the issues squarely in my court.  Meaning I am going to have to take decisive action to make sure that I stay healthy—it’s a choice and it is something I’m going to have to commit to.  It is completely manageable—as long as I do what I need to.

I’m actually thrilled about it because it isn’t anything that I can’t take care of.  But it is a huge lesson in accountability.  From now on anything that happens is a direct result of what I do, and that is the perfect place to start any endeavor. Understand your role in the choices you make and where it’s taking you.  The other side of this is the personal toll and doing some real soul searching.  You see, the issues I’ve been having are not a result of what I thought they were—hormonal issues to put it simply.  This means that all those years of dealing with the feelings I’ve had, the emotions, the fluctuations were all engrained in me—they were not organic.

Again, it is a good thing because I have the option to make things different.  But I feel sadness that I didn’t recognize it earlier.  I think of all the pain I caused, the anger I felt, the sadness I felt as a result of my actions.  I feel guilt that that I behaved in a way I thought was justified and regret that I may not be able to explain it to anyone.  I also feel a tremendous sense of loss because I clearly made wrong decisions from ego that could have been different, could have changed the course of my life. 

I know this isn’t uncommon and we all have to come to terms with our demons.  I just didn’t expect a physical condition to bring them so clearly to light for me.  I’m not perfect and I accept that.  But I know I’m supported in working through this.  They say we face the same lessons until we learn them.  I feel terrible that I thought I would be able to excuse some of my behavior with a medical condition.  But I am so grateful to have the chance to make it right—or at least try to.  I’m also grateful to reaffirm that this all starts with us.  That we need to dig deep and find that truth inside of ourselves.  I am human and I have made the wrong choices previously but I am learning from them every day.  Those days that I’m feeling regret over now are honestly lessons in humility and witnessing the grace of others. 

When things aren’t what you think they are, or when they don’t go how you think they are supposed to, that is often a mirror being held up for you to witness what it is inside that needs to be addressed.  For me, it’s many of the ideas I’ve been sharing already—witness the self, accept the imperfections, learn from the failures.  I’ve felt at home speaking about it for years and I’ve so often seen the need for so many people to examine themselves.  That is my mirror.  That is what I need to witness and work on—putting into practice what I preach.      

Continuing the theme of beginnings, I was working through one of my books and I found a quote: “Focus not on doing less or doing more but on doing what you value” Gretchen Rubin.  I feel like this is a good time to reiterate that we need to take a pause from how things have always been and look at what we are trying to accomplish.  We have a tendency to feel like we always need to be in motion, doing something.  That makes us get lost in activity, not productivity.  Anyone can run in circles but that doesn’t get them any further. How far we go means nothing if we are going in the wrong direction.  And if it’s not something you value, it’s going to feel like wasted time regardless because the end result isn’t something you have value in. The key is to take purposeful and meaningful steps. 

As we are entering the second full week of the new year, now is the time to take a few moments and consider where you want to go.  Not with the pressure of it being a new year, not even with the pressure of finding the right “word for the year.”  But a well considered look at where you want to go with your life and the steps you need to take to get there.

This is also the point of recognizing what is good for you.  There is no competition between anyone and there is no track you “should” follow—this is about letting down your guard and digging deep.  Pausing on everything you are rushing to complete and prove and looking at the person you want to be. 

I’m the kind of person who gets distracted easily because I start a million things at once—I really struggle to stay in the moment even when I’m putting in a conscious effort. I find myself back on that track that has been so engrained in my mind and it takes real effort to pull myself back to where I need to—heading in my direction.  Sometimes it’s lonely because you have to blaze trails alone at certain points.  It’s also scary because sometimes you have no clue what’s coming next.  Having massive faith is key because that is what keeps you moving, one foot in front of the other.  And I’m working on solidifying that faith as well.

I have a strong conviction that synchronicity is real, that the universe speaks to us, that there is a divine plan/order to things, and that we are ABLE and MEANT to find that flow to fulfill our purpose.  I am guilty of falling off the faith train and throwing tantrums when things don’t seem to be going my way because I always try to do what is right.  But I never deny that order when synchronicity shows itself to me again and to recognize that we are always given second chances to reconnect.  That is my faith.

Knowing that we have the ability to connect and find our individual purpose means that we can choose purposeful action at any time.  It’s a matter of waking up and deciding what is valuable to you.  Take yourself off of the activity train and make the choice to take actions that are right for you.  So what steps are you going to take? 

Today I am grateful for clearing.  I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and cluttered lately.  We live in a beautiful space but it isn’t big by any means and we have managed to fill pretty much every inch of it.  While I feel completely blessed and grateful for what we have, I have struggled to keep it organized.  Today I spent a huge chunk of the day organizing my son’s toys and putting some storage spaces together.  It felt amazing.  They say the outside is a reflection of the inside and I was definitely feeling chaotic.  Clearing the space helped a lot to clear my mind.  It’s really empowering.

Today I am grateful for time spent with family.  Yesterday I was able to see my sister and really talk about things.  Needless to say we need human interaction and it has been a long time since I was able to talk with anyone on that level.  It was so cathartic and validating as well as inclusive because we feel the same way about so many experiences we’ve shared.  I need my sisters so much and I’m so glad I’m able to talk with them. 

Today I am grateful to share—these words, my time with my son, my time with my animals.  Having that talk with my sister yesterday gave me a clear example of what I wrote about on New Year’s Day.  If you want love, you need to be love.  So to be an example of sharing to witness our common humanity, I am absolutely willing to share more.  I am willing to be with my son and help him learn and grow and play.  I am willing to love my fur babies because they need it.

Today I am grateful to remember the purpose of play.  I tend to be a pretty anxious and driven person where I’m constantly going from one next “to-do” to the next.  Being with my son is a constant reminder to find joy in everything we do together.  He said to me today, “Do you know who I like spending time with? You.” Melts my heart and I love having that little reminder of how important it is to be present with him. 

Today I am grateful for the support of the universe.  I had been wanting to join a 21 day manifesting challenge that started on January 1^st and I wasn’t able to partake in that.  So I’ve had a to-be-read pile for quite a while and today I started “Badass Habits” by Jen Sincero.  It turns out it’s is a 21 day guide to creating and sticking with new habits to get the life you want.  I HAD NO IDEA that was the structure of the book; I thought it was a discussion about a series of new habits, not a practical 21 day guide about manifesting your life through new habits.  Love that synchronicity.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

“Your life doesn’t have to be perfect to inspire people.  The world needs to see you as human, not perfect,”  Power of Positivity.  I’ve struggled with perfectionism for years, always worried about how people would perceive me.  I played the game of trying to be exactly what was expected at all times.  Charm the room, be who they want you to be.  That may be one of the biggest regrets of my life: being anyone but myself for so many years. 

Perfectionism infiltrated my life and made me hard and brittle and bitter in my constant pursuit to be right and to be liked.  It tore me down on so many levels.  I could no longer relate to people—I genuinely didn’t give off any kind of receptive vibes to anyone.  The people I did let in used me for their own gain so I became distrustful of everyone.  Then I truly started to buy into the lies I was telling myself and thought that I needed to be perfect at all times.  I got angry at people for their lack of attention to everything and for not hearing what I said. 

I see now how much of my perfectionism was/is tied to my anxiety.  When you’re an anxious person you often feel terrified that people will leave you at the drop of a hat do you become the chameleon with everyone, adopting whatever identity you think they want to see.  That messed with my head terribly because as I tried to break the habit of needing to be perfect, I confused what I always did with my true voice so making decisions became agonizing.  I’d become paralyzed trying to figure out what to do.  There was no identity to claim because I had fragmented so much of myself along the way.

When I had my son I was still in the throes of striving to always be right because THAT was the identity I chose: the woman who knew it all.  Anyone with kids will tell you there is NO order to anything anymore.  There is no way to know everything especially when you’re learning someone new.  It has taken me years to integrate the knowledge that I am not in control and knowing everything isn’t just impossible—it’s a joke. 

Children go against every structure we have set up because they are well aware and understand that there is NO real structure to this world.  There are patterns, seasons, ebbs and flows, storms and sunshine—but any structure we speak of is man made.  That is why it is so painful to children when we can’t stop and play with them or when we make them adhere to any kind of schedule: it isn’t in them.  We are given time with these amazing gifts of life and light and we indoctrinate them with the same routine and expectations as early as we can.  How tragic.  Because children are also the perfect example of needing humanity over perfection.  We may feel like we are failing and falling apart and those kids will still come to us like we’re a lighthouse in a stormy sea.

I’m trying to be gentler with myself.  The more I let myself get in flow the easier it is to see grace in simply living and to let everything fall away.  And the world needs more grace right now.  Grace in ownership and reconciling the past.  Grace it letting it rest.  Grace in acknowledging that it’s time to move on.  Grace in welcoming a new foot forward.  It’s going to be messy but life is messy and that is where we learn.  We learn when we have to build something—and we learn to get stronger when we are authentic.  To being authentic enough to let our perfection drop and love the perfection that we are…        

“I am willing to see my sameness with others.  This opens my awareness to oneness” Gabrielle Bernstein, Spirit Junkie Deck.  I struggled with what to say tonight so I drew a card for inspiration.  It would seem that the universe would like to remind us all that we need to continue to look within ourselves for those common threads we all have.  That we need to remember at the most basic level, our humanity.  If we want to create a better system for all then we have to start there.

I’ve often been a loner, doing as much as I could on my own and never really wanting help.  From the time I was a kid, I was the one who took over the group project because I knew no one was going to do their part anyway—or they wouldn’t do it right.  While it made me capable, the truth is, it made me selfish and fearful.  I still have some of those tendencies, especially because I struggle with trusting people.  Lately I’ve been feeling the need to reach out more.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I really feel what other people are feeling.  I know there are a ton of people looking for that connection as well.  We all need that contact and that sense someone understands us.

Maybe those base needs are the initial rumblings of recognizing how similar we are. Listening to that little voice can be the push we all need to start waking up.  The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield speaks of a critical mass of people to bring awareness.  A certain number of people needed to tilt the scales in favor of a new paradigm built on understanding energy, our drive for power, breaking ancestral and personal dramas, and collaborative living.  Our message in the card I drew seems to support that theory.  I’ve always said we have far more in common with each other than not.  So that sameness/oneness is the little spark to see things differently.

I spoke yesterday of the opportunity we have now to change the story.  I whole heartedly believe that.  There is no denying the world is filled with myriad disastrous events right now but I have believe it is all for a greater purpose—to break down that final wall, to lift that veil of what keeps us in this sickening pattern: fear.  Even the greed and need for power that drives so many of our ill-advised actions stems from fear.  We search for security in material or control over people and things and in doing so we have lost all sense of value.

It’s time to rip that band-aid off and dive in to the work of creating something new.  To shed the weight of generations of imagined obligation and self-imposed debts, tests of worthiness, and striving to prove and gain. To see the humanity in everyone again.    

Intention can be summed up like this “Don’t focus on what this year will bring you, ask yourself what you will bring to this year,” Jay Shetty.  We have been given an opportunity on both a personal and social level to re-create the intention of this year, our lives, and our society.  We can’t allow the actions of yesterday (quite literally after the madness in the Capitol) determine or set the course for how things will be. 

It is time to step up and step in to what we really believe in.  As I said yesterday, that starts on an individual basis.  You want more presence?  BE present.  You want more love?  BE love.  You want to be more productive?  Be purposeful with your time.  You need to be more attentive to others?  Listen to your gut and get out of your head.  If you want to go somewhere, MOVE.  You need to change?  Decide and commit to that vision.  You want to live more authentically?  Take personal accountability.  You want more peace?  Get organized in everything and clear out all the clutter (mental and physical).  You need more faith?  Make time to connect with source. 

There is always a solution.  And given the importance of connection, it seems logical that connection is the first step.  It struck me that we are in a position now where we are in desperate need of knowing who we are again, to come back to love.  In knowing ourselves we can come from a state of love again.  As I was writing today a phrase came to me that seemed really appropriate: Please help me love myself enough to bring my gift to the world.  Hate is born of fear and it’s easy.  Love is born of courage which is why the word stems from the heart.  When we let go of the fear of who we are and step into the vulnerability, we unleash a powerful force of hope onto the world.  That is the only power we need to fight for and it is available to all of us.    

I will say it over and over again no matter how redundant: we can make what we want of this life.  My question is why in the hell would we choose hate?  Why would we choose misery?  It’s such a better view from a place of worth—and we are all worthy.  It is not our role to undermine or belittle each other until we forget who we are.  It is our role to soften and remember who we are so we can lift each other up.  We haven’t made that a natural feeling yet, but with practice it will become innate. I hope you are all strong enough to love yourself well enough to share your gifts.  We need all we can get.      

On this day, with everything going on socially and politically, we need some positivity.  We need to remember to be stronger than any of the heinous, needless rage being demonstrated today.  It’s sickening to see people behave like this—and these are the actions of scared, lonely, pitiful men.  It is our time to stand firm and demonstrate we will no longer tolerate this deadly nonsense.  And one way to do that is to let their destructive behavior take down the root of what is really the issue: the incessant systemic racism and lusting after power at any cost.  It’s ALL on display today—there is no denying it.  So let’s do something different.

We need to be stronger together than the push to divide us.  Hate can do a lot of things if you let it, things you never thought you would do.  Love can do even more—more than hate ever could.  What we are witnessing is the dying cries of a wounded animal, the last fight before its last breath.  Now is not the time to lament what is happening.  The very nature of these people perpetrating this disgusting behavior tonight would suggest that this was inevitable.  So tonight is the night to stand firm in the conviction that what is best for the whole will prevail.  I don’t mean to suggest that we simply stand by and let this happen—I suggest that we allow this ugliness to be exposed for all it is because we all know what it is really about.      

“Stepping onto a brand new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation which is not nurturing to the whole..” Maya Angelou.  This is a new path for all of us and what that requires now is the steadfastness of our belief in what is coming and the conviction to follow through on our belief for the betterment of ALL.  The first step in the betterment of the entire entity is to make sure you are the best version of yourself, that I am the best version of myself. 

I’m remembering that my very existence is alchemical, and my role is to continue that magic.  That means integrating and accepting what won’t change, taking radical ownership of ourselves, and moving on.  For everyone, remember to be real with yourself and accept your role in your situation.  Even if it was as a spectator, now you know you need to be active.  Your choices get you where you are.  So make the choice to participate.  To commit.  To do your best.  To change your routine, your thoughts, your perspective.  Make the choice to live your life and don’t let life live you.  You get to say what you want and what you don’t want.

We are all experiencing a shift right now.  We feel the underlying pull that something isn’t quite right.  So, like the river, we move to the other side and continue our flow.  Determined.  Unrelenting.  But also entirely flexible.  The universe never said we had to be a certain way—we did that to determine our worth in an archaic system.  To see the worth in others, to make at-a-glance decisions about who people are so we could love/hate them or respect/despise them. 

We never looked deeper because we were afraid.  Afraid of losing ourselves or our possessions.  That call, that subtle warning (now visible on a large scale) is now telling us to go deeper.  We have to get beneath the surface and question our standards and our values.  All it takes is one different choice, a new curiosity.  It always starts with us.  We’ve been selfish about the wrong things.  We needn’t be selfish at all.  We need to be purposeful and curious and open and accepting.  These are the lessons we need to teach.  Let’s be the example for good.  May we all find love again.   

Today was a rough day.  I woke up after a deep sleep—a deep sleep but not enough of it.  Honestly, I couldn’t get back on track from there. My mother literally cut me off and changed the subject in the middle of a conversation today so I immediately felt disregarded.  I got irritated at work—by everything.  I fought with my son because he didn’t nap at my mom’s today so all of his four-year-old-ness was running high.  Which made me feel upset at my mother again because I feel like she is undermining me as a mother.  I know—a melodramatic mess.

I knew throughout the day that I needed to press the reset button (several times) and I just couldn’t find it.  I tried.  I really tried but my energy just sucked today—I will own that.   And I know that this is one of the first challenges of the year.  When we set our minds to something the universe often sends little tests to see how determined we are, how serious we are.

I am serious about the decisions I’ve made for this year, even if I had to take miniscule steps today.  My energy, while it was low, was still strong.  I felt myself stepping into a new part of me, a part of me that enforces boundaries.  My boss had asked me about a certain task that we hadn’t discussed before and I felt the reply I got didn’t give me enough information.  Normally I would struggle through it but I got upset.  A bit later, I ran into her and told her I needed clarification.  Simple, clearly stated, and direct and I got the answer I needed.

When we got home my husband and I talked with my son about his behavior when I picked him up.  My son looked at me and said, “I love you Mommy and I’m sorry I was being naughty.”  And I knew that I had to work on my emotional control because it is impacting my boy.  He knows he made a mistake but I made him feel scared because I was so upset.  Sometimes the things he says just absolutely melt me.  They always put me right back where I need to be—in the moment.

So I’m shaking it off.  I took a shower, I built legos with my kid, and I’m watching trash TV for the rest of the night.  It may not be anywhere near what I had planned, but I am keeping myself level.  And I’m practicing some kindness to myself.  Today is clearly not a day where pushing more is going to help.  Tomorrow is another day and I will take another microstep forward.  Another chance to practice kindness and perseverance.  Rest well, everyone.  It is earned. 

I listened to an IG live from Glennon Doyle today and she dropped some awesome truth bombs that really got me thinking.  First, she said something to the effect of, “Life is the delta between how we are told it’s supposed to feel and how it really is.”  She went on to say that, “The problem is life, it’s the picture in our head that was placed there purposefully.”  It’s so easy to fall into the trap and believe what we are supposed to have because of what we are told and what we see from other people.  The other thing she said that stood out was about being ok with our life as “stet”—the writer’s term during revisions for leave the work alone, this is what I meant to say.  Meaning, accept where you are at and stand firmly in it.  And that is when you level-set what your expectations are, quite literally what you will and won’t accept.

It’s easy at the beginning of the year to get swept away in goals and things we want to do.  As I mentioned the other day, I’m not big on the “New Year, New You” thing because I feel like it sets us up for disappointment.  I wanted to talk about level setting our expectations.  That is where the magic is because you find the ground between what you want and dreams and THEN you put it into action.  Don’t get so taken by the picture of what things should be that you disregard what things actually are.

My advice in navigating the delta is to keep going.  Get familiar with it and don’t try to avoid any of what you’re experiencing.  It is only in knowing yourself that you can get where you want to go.  I had no clue for the longest time what I wanted to do with my life.  I bought into what I was “supposed” to want and I hated anything about myself that didn’t fit the mold.  But I kept going (and I’m still going) and I found parts of me that I wanted to explore. That was six years ago.  I started writing but didn’t think I was good enough.  But I knew I wanted it and I knew I had to cut the bullshit.  14 months ago I committed and wrote every week, sometimes every day.  A little over a month ago, I doubled down, dove in, and started planning, honing, and refining my work. 

The difference between being all in and what we mistake for commitment is life altering.  Level setting is all about your mindset.  That and knowing you can’t expect your world to change overnight.  It’s effort, drive, and design, and purposeful action.  Liz Gilbert calls it the 10 year overnight success.  

Changing your mindset means setting the expectation that looking a certain way or buying a certain thing will make our lives everything we are told it will be—or should be.  There is no magic pill.  The magic is in the living.  The dance between the ups and downs and the curve balls that will inevitably happen.  There is no guide for this life so it is safe to move away from what you’re told it should be and move into how it really is.  To live in the delta, the gap we’ve created.

Once we are in that space, it’s easier to see how it’s all in your head.  It’s SO important to see how very real something in your head can be.  JK Rowling said, “Of course it’s in your head, why should that make it any less real?”  Choose differently.  Make peace with your life and your desires and know it is ok to want what you want.  It’s ok to NOT want what you’re told to want because you know what is best for you.  It’s not about finding the ideal—it’s about finding what is ideal for you.  That is magic.