Today was a rough day. I woke up after a deep sleep—a deep sleep but not enough of it. Honestly, I couldn’t get back on track from there. My mother literally cut me off and changed the subject in the middle of a conversation today so I immediately felt disregarded. I got irritated at work—by everything. I fought with my son because he didn’t nap at my mom’s today so all of his four-year-old-ness was running high. Which made me feel upset at my mother again because I feel like she is undermining me as a mother. I know—a melodramatic mess.
I knew throughout the day that I needed to press the reset button (several times) and I just couldn’t find it. I tried. I really tried but my energy just sucked today—I will own that. And I know that this is one of the first challenges of the year. When we set our minds to something the universe often sends little tests to see how determined we are, how serious we are.
I am serious about the decisions I’ve made for this year, even if I had to take miniscule steps today. My energy, while it was low, was still strong. I felt myself stepping into a new part of me, a part of me that enforces boundaries. My boss had asked me about a certain task that we hadn’t discussed before and I felt the reply I got didn’t give me enough information. Normally I would struggle through it but I got upset. A bit later, I ran into her and told her I needed clarification. Simple, clearly stated, and direct and I got the answer I needed.
When we got home my husband and I talked with my son about his behavior when I picked him up. My son looked at me and said, “I love you Mommy and I’m sorry I was being naughty.” And I knew that I had to work on my emotional control because it is impacting my boy. He knows he made a mistake but I made him feel scared because I was so upset. Sometimes the things he says just absolutely melt me. They always put me right back where I need to be—in the moment.
So I’m shaking it off. I took a shower, I built legos with my kid, and I’m watching trash TV for the rest of the night. It may not be anywhere near what I had planned, but I am keeping myself level. And I’m practicing some kindness to myself. Today is clearly not a day where pushing more is going to help. Tomorrow is another day and I will take another microstep forward. Another chance to practice kindness and perseverance. Rest well, everyone. It is earned.