Today I am grateful to celebrate.  We don’t get to see my husband’s side of the family often and we got to spend the afternoon with them.  When I was younger we used to have this rigid structure to how we did things.  Certain celebrations were at certain times and that was just how we did things.  I love the flexibility of learning as I get older and I love seeing things done differently.  This may seem like a pretty basic learning curve to most of you, but celebrating at a different time is newer to me and I really enjoy it.  I love to celebrate anyway and having time with family is really special.

Today I am grateful for things turning out.  I was in a near meltdown spiral yesterday about getting things done.  The house has been a disaster for weeks with setting up and preparing for the holidays and it finally got to me.  With having the different schedule for celebrating I mentioned above, the only issue that truly does arise is coordinating the big events/prep before they happen.  Like, having presents bought and wrapped at different times or having major portions of food ready at different times.  My husband never really grew up celebrating the way I did (and he’s naturally more flexible than I am) so he is more comfortable in chaos.  Also, he doesn’t do any of the prep so it’s easier for him to navigate.  Regardless, I communicated with him, and while it didn’t get done on my timeline, it all got done with his help with the exception of a few little things.  But all is well.

Today I am grateful for change.  As time moves on, I am acutely aware of how much time has passed.  It does no good worrying about that window, though because we can’t go back.  I spent a lot of time preparing gifts for my great-nephew and we are passing on some of my son’s toys.  It breaks my heart to see them go.  I have all of the memories associated with them, I see my son at that age, I know how excited he was to have those things and it’s challenging to put that all away.  I am grateful for what I have now, and the way to enjoy now is to be present.  So, I spent a lot of time playing “I Spy” with my son last night and we laughed and laughed and cuddled.  It was a real moment of presence.  So I am working on not getting wrapped up in the THINGS that hold the memories and working on creating and holding the memories. 

Today I am grateful for focus.  I’ve said this a million times, but I feel the gratitude every time I’m able to come back to the realization that all is fine as long as I focus on one thing at a time.  I always think I can take everything on at once.  I mean, it’s becoming a toxic trait in that I overwhelm myself, I let myself down, I probably let others down to a degree, and I get frustrated.  I know this, I try to practice this awareness, and I still fall back into this habit at every chance I get.  I think it’s an escape from doing the self work, and it’s also a means of proving that I haven’t been able to let go of.  In so many ways I find my worth in doing more and taking on more than I can chew, going above and beyond.  I want to be the one to do it all because that’s how I’m seen as capable.  The reality is, it makes me miserable and frustrated, and it keeps me stuck, and it feels heavy. So I’m grateful to do things that require I slow down and care for myself.  I’m grateful to find the practices to be healthy.  I’m grateful to trust I can still get where I want to go doing one thing, one step at a time.

Today I am grateful for limits.  Along with focus, I am grateful to understand my limits better.  I’m grateful to understand where I want to spend my time and, quite frankly, where I am able to spend my time.  Our rabbit passed several months ago and the couple who sold him to us reached out through some friends yesterday to let us know that they have another rabbit they would give us for free.  My heart swelled because I love animals and this poor guy was surrendered by his owner.  Plus, the couple are SUCH sweet people, they were really upset hearing that the original rabbit they sold us had been sick and they didn’t know it.  Surprisingly, my husband’s initial reaction was to take the animal and my first reaction was no.  Yes, it hurt to say that, but I got really honest and told him I simply don’t have the time or capacity to do it.  He offered to help with this rabbit and I still said no.  It isn’t fair to take him on and leave him in his cage all the time.  It comes down to focus and learning how to not overwhelm myself and to know what is best for others.  I may have the best intentions but it wouldn’t be right for others. 

Today I am grateful for learning me.  I’ve been too delicate and sheltered on certain things in my life.  I realize how much trauma I faced as a child and I’ve been seeking to protect myself ever since.  I witnessed things no child should have seen and it really did a number on my mind.  I spent my whole life taking on and doing and doing to find my worth, to show others my worth, but I found excuse after excuse to not move forward on the things I wanted to do because I didn’t feel safe in my ability to navigate through that on my own.  Now I’m learning a new vulnerability.  A new way to find myself.  It’s harder than I thought it would be and it’s embarrassing.  I see videos of 20 somethings taking on the world and here I am double that just taking these steps.  But I’m still glad I’m doing it.  It’s better than sitting in my shell forever.  This is the experience of life, and it’s better late than never.  So I move forward, as slow as it may be, and I welcome the life that is waiting for me.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

I happened across an article the other day about gaslighting and it stopped me in my tracks.  The article was titled, “Word of the year 2022: Gaslighting.”  First of all I never knew there was such a thing as “word of the year.”  Secondly, what a word.  I had written a piece on gaslighting a while back as well, so this is definitely on the brain.  They chose this word because searches for this word in particular on their website have spiked by 1740%.  Yes, that is an almost 2000% increase in searching for gaslighting.  They define the word as the act or practice of grossly misleading someone, especially for one’s own advantage (merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/word-of-the-year).  I think the timing of this word couldn’t be more appropriate.  The act has always existed.  People have always sought to manipulate things for their advantage and people have always turned other’s beliefs/kindness against them.  I’m using people as a general term, not to reference the entire population, just that the act of gaslighting itself has always existed.

What I also noticed is that people are trying their hardest to define what is happening in the world right now.  We are evolving and interacting with each other differently.  We are learning that human behavior can change and we are acknowledging our inner knowing more—including when we know someone’s treatment/behavior towards us is wrong.  We have a greater understanding of the manipulation happening to us and that it’s ALL around us know via media, work, people we aren’t that close to, and even those we are close to.  And the truth is, we even do it to ourselves.  How often do we feel we aren’t able to do something?  How often do we feel we need to be perfect before sharing something?  How often do we feel we need to be perfect before we shar who we are? 

I started asking other questions around this as well.  Why do we gaslight?  WHO gaslights?  Do we love to live in this victimhood to a degree?  Especially if we ARE doing it to ourselves…I mean, why would we stay in the habit if we didn’t like to garner support somehow.  The act of being gaslit can turn into more gaslighting based on the definition above.  Well, when you’re learning to love yourself again, and you see how you’ve played a roll in your victimhood, you have to learn to tell a new story.  What happens when you know you deserve better?  Suddenly gaslighting isn’t an option anymore, for yourself, or to accept it in your life.  People tend to know when they are doing something wrong and a relationship can’t survive if one person doesn’t have that self-awareness to see the pain they are causing.  So when you tell a new story, we have to be open to receive it and we have to be willing to walk away.

It’s also key to recognize this behavior in other people.  We can’t have expectations that they will wake up to what they do (I mean, it WOULD be nice).  We have to set the boundary ourselves. We have to stick with that boundary as well.  I think the reason gaslighting is word of the year is because we are waking up to what is happening around us and we are waking up to the fact that we deserve better in all arenas of our lives.  We deserve more than asking for permission for time off, we deserve more than begging our partners/friends/family to hold their weight.  We are creating an awareness around things that no longer serve.  The human animal is complicated and we need to put language to what is happening.  The more we understand, the more we can evolve and change and redefine what is acceptable and what isn’t.  It’s not just about who we are, it’s about what we do.  And we are clearly saying we are aware and want a different human experience.  So let’s stop gaslighting each other, and let’s stop doing it to ourselves.  Wake up to our power and believe in it—don’t let anyone take that.  

I woke up the other morning, and not unlike other mornings, the list of tasks rolled around in my head.  As we are smack in the middle of holiday season, that list seems to have expanded exponentially.  The ironic thing is that the list of things on today’s agenda are all things I LOVE doing—and I still found myself stressed.  I’m working on a timeline that isn’t realistic to most people let alone to me and I’ve partially done it to myself.  As I said, I thoroughly enjoy the holiday season and we host a lot.  It’s my favorite thing to do at this time of year but I set the bar pretty high.  We have projects for my son to do this weekend, I have baking, cleaning, finishing decorating, I’m running a business, I’m working full time on top of that.  Plus we have multiple family obligations on different timelines and my son’s birthday and my husband’s birthday are right before and immediately after the holidays.  It requires a lot of organization and more dividing and conquering that I am able to do.  But as I was going through this list of things, I remembered what I wrote yesterday—I don’t need to force my joy into two days.

My schedule is incredibly tight.  I am booked from 4AM to 6PM and that’s before I even include anything that needs to be done at home or with my business let alone decorating or prepping for the rest of the season/birthdays.  But there are simply things I love doing and, as I said yesterday, humans aren’t meant to force joy or experience joy on two days a week.  It isn’t realistic and it isn’t healthy.  So, in spite of being overbooked, I’m learning to go with it.  If I enjoy it, don’t treat it like a task.  I don’t want anger or resentment in my heart ever, let alone at this time of year, and I especially don’t want those feelings around something I genuinely love doing.  This is the fun stuff even if it’s hectic, and as I really thought about what I wrote yesterday, I realized I’m not going to give up what I love to satisfy someone else’s perception/priority at this time of year.  Their poor planning isn’t my emergency.  I have things I need to do, and more importantly, I have things I WANT to do.  My family is first.

So as I said above, don’t treat the things you love as a task.  It’s so important to keep your joy and your peace high, especially during the hectic seasons of life.  Don’t allow others to drain you with their nonsense.  And don’t let your own nonsense get in the way.  That list may be a mile long—but can you delegate it or do you really even need to do all of it?  And if you can’t seem to trim it down, how do you chunk it so it’s more manageable?  Part of keeping your energy high and following your joy is not allowing the focus to shift away from the feeling you get while doing the activity.  Be aware when it is getting too much, and be aware when your brain is playing it’s little game of creating overwhelm.  You choose what you do and HOW you do it.  You choose the energy you bring to the floor.  I’m choosing to be patient with myself and to take one task at a time.  There is love and joy and perhaps not as much time to experience that as we would hope, so I’m choosing to relish in what I have and to take on what needs to be done with joy.  It’s always worth it in the end. 

We aren’t meant to force our joy into 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 hours.  We shouldn’t have to make time for the things we love.  The things we love should be our driving force.  The things we love should support and sustain us as we nurture them.  We shouldn’t have to choose between joy and survival.  We’ve been brainwashed to believe we can’t have what we want without hard work.  The reality is we need focused work.  Purpose driven work.  Yes at times that is hard.  In fact it can be some of the hardest work we will ever do. But it will be the most joyful work we do.  We shouldn’t have to try and live multiple lives in one day in order to feel some sense of worth, accomplishment, or joy.  We should be allowed to flow and have that be enough.  There are people who manage that.  But I’m talking about managing it without extremes like not sleeping, eating, etc.  People aren’t meant to be on the go 24/7.  They aren’t meant to prove 24/7.  We should be able to live our lives as we see fit, not as we are told.

That is the bottom line.  I’m tired of being told what to do and how to spend my time.  I’m tired of the majority of my day being taken up with reminding people of what they are supposed to do in the respect that they don’t want to do the work either, so they waste time.  I’m ready to commit to the things I love, the life I love.  This is the core of why self-work and self-care is so important.  It allows us to be who we are and we no longer seek outside validation or performative ways to validate ourselves.  We know our worth, we do the work we want to, and we create the lives we want.  On the surface, I know that sounds so straightforward and easy.  I know the reality is very different because I wrestle every day with what I want to do and what I have to do in this moment.  I’ve often been told that everything we do is a choice, and that is true.  But when it comes down to having multiple bad choices or choosing between the lesser of two evils, that really isn’t a choice.  That’s being stuck.

We all feel stifled, I’m not claiming I’m alone in this or that my situation is worse than anyone else’s.  I know it’s quite a first world problem, a luxury to some even.  That doesn’t take away the fact that we willingly subscribe to giving up/over our time in exchange for money.  We need to take back control of our lives and focus.  When we focus with immense clarity and purpose, the rest falls away.  I no longer want to ask permission.  I had this revelation many times over again and I needed the reminder today.  Our lives aren’t meant to be lived asking for the time and things we love.  We are meant to learn to resonate and exude the frequency of who we are, of what we want in order to attract that life.  Who we are naturally knows what we need.  We know what we need even if we go against what other people tell us.  Joy isn’t a temporary thing, my friends.  Yes, there are fluctuations, but we aren’t meant to fight what we know in our hearts.

“This is no longer the story of you trying to prove them wrong.  From now on this is the story of you choosing to let them believe what they want to believe about you.  From now on this is the story of you choosing your resonance regardless of how they perceive it,” Xavier Dagba.  We’ve talked many times on the immense power that comes from owning our identity.  When we know who we are, it is no longer about proving anything to anyone.  It’s about simply taking the steps you need on your own path and seeing how things naturally unfold.  We can’t waste our time trying to prove to others that our way is the right way.  Number one, it may NOT be the right way for them.  Our paths are for us.  Number two, those who are meant to be with us will never leave us. 

We can’t spend our lives waiting for everyone to see our point of view.  That will never happen.  When you intentionally put the pause on your life waiting for someone else’s acceptance you’ve given them control and you will wait there believing you have the upper hand when really there is nothing to gain and only time wasted.  Our stories are always about us.  They are always about finding our path and living the fullest expression of who we are.  It’s about accepting and understanding that, more often than not, there is no right or wrong.  It’s all so subjective on our experience and who we are. People will do what is right for THEM.  Allow yourself to do the same.  That isn’t to say disregard people and their needs, but it is to say follow the beat of your own drum rather than someone else’s.

When we accept our own rhythm and our own needs and abilities, we become something different.  We move differently and we operate from a different space.  It isn’t about other’s acceptance, it’s always been about accepting ourselves.  There is genuine power there.  Proving gives the illusion of strength while we are in it and it feels like we’ve won the fight, but we’ve wasted energy that could have been spent building our own path.  With time you learn that what people think of you has such a little impact on your life.  It is 100% possible to live our lives without ever knowing what other people think of us.  The truth is the vast majority of people will never know who we are anyway.  Don’t waste your time trying to be something you’re not or trying to make people see it your way.  Their experiences define them just as yours define you.  Allow.  Then you will attract your path naturally and authentically.  That’s all that’s required in this life.      

Those who love to walk will go further than those who love the destination. I wrote a piece a long time ago about not understanding those who become swayed on their journey and don’t just go for the goal.  I believe I shared my experience reading a story about someone who wanted to go to a museum but they stopped to look at all of the shops and stores in between so her husband got mad because they were supposed to go to the museum and she made them miss it.  She said that she learned to see the joy in the detours.  That story made me so frustrated while reading it.  I’ve ALWAYS been that person who if we say we’re going somewhere, that’s where we’re going.  We aren’t getting stopped or distracted, we have a goal, a destination so let’s get there and enjoy what we said we were going to do.  If we miss what we said we are going to do, then what was the point in planning anything ever anyway?  In general life doesn’t work like that either.  If you want something then you have to set your intention and do the things that make it happen.  You can’t say you want to go to Bali and book a trip to Florida and expect to get to Bali—that isn’t reality.

There is value, however in practicing and understanding flexibility.  The HOW we get there isn’t that important if we are headed in the same direction.  That is key.  When you set your intention and start on your journey, it isn’t about the how you get there.  I just struggle with people who are given the right opportunity to get exactly where they need to be and they ignore it and then blame whatever happened on something else.  I struggle with the matter of choice in that people can always choose to do something differently—we do have some modicum of control in deciding what happens to us—but if they don’t do what they know they need to do, they try to blame others.  So, like, if you wanted to get to that museum but you stopped at every other place BUT the museum and you missed an opportunity to get there, that isn’t the museum’s fault.  That isn’t the universe saying you weren’t meant to see the museum. 

At the same time I understand that we are meant to explore and learn and incorporate new lessons.  Those who love learning will see opportunities others don’t.  They will see possibilities in situations others don’t.  Loving walking will take you endlessly further than those who simply want to get to a place and call it quits.  When you love the activity itself you can keep yourself motivated to moving forward.  Sometimes there are not goals in those circumstances, you simply have a direction and you have no idea how far it will go.  That is a pretty cool concept.  If you have no limit to how far you can go, there will be some amazing opportunities along that path simply because you enjoy the act of walking that path. 

Maybe there is a middle ground at the end of the day.  There is a time for focused and driven action and there is a time for enjoying the journey.  There’s a time for deliberate and stubborn focus and there is a time to take our hands off the wheel.  I’ve had a steep learning curve in regards to control and I’ve learned that sometimes things you think protect you and habits you develop that you mistake for who you are become things others see as too controlling.  Awareness is key.  The same is said for your path.  If you struggle to move forward make sure it isn’t because your feet are stubbornly dug into the ground making things look a certain way.  Sometimes you have to take in what’s around you and, as Tabitha Brown says, “You can’t skip any steps because you need a strong foundation.  Just because it’s taking a long time doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.”  Enjoy the process of building that foundation, learning the lessons required, and taking the journey further than you think it can go.    

I created an unrealistic expectation in my relationship years ago.  Maybe more than one if I’m honest.  Fine, a ton of expectations.  I romanticized a lot as a child and I had this dream vision of what my partner would be like, what he would do.  It functioned with a combination of a princess being rescued and being the light in the dark for a guy who in turn wants to do everything for me.  I wanted to be the tough independent woman who didn’t NEED a man, but then realized she wanted a partner and he would be the guy to make me realize that everyone deserves a chance. Again, it started when I was young so I will give myself some leeway.  Reality, as we know, is very different.  Not in a bad way by any means, but reality gives us what we need, not what we want, and that shapes us into who we are meant to be.  That impacts our choice of partner as well as the partner we attract. 

I’ve been thinking long and hard over my relationship.  I’ve been with this man for over two decades now.  We’ve been together longer than we were alive when we met.  We’ve been through the gamut and I’ve stuck with him and he has stuck with me—and I started to ask why.  Comfort? Familiarity?  Real love?  Was I holding on to the hope of something all this time? Well, the truth is layered and complicated.  I had such unrealistic expectations that simply aren’t my husband and it created a rift.  While I know he was capable of those things, he was missing the “wanting to be/do that” part.  It was even worse with each actual transgression he committed.  I kept hoping after each incident that he would learn and change and see things my way.  I thought I was owed something for what he did to me, for what he did to us, to our family.  I was still looking for him to validate what he felt and to prove to me that he knew MY worth by shaping his actions and making better choices. 

But the universe gives us what we need.  I got a man who taught me that I am not a princess, that I need to remember my own worth, and that I am capable.  I thought I would learn those lessons through supportive talk and shared experiences.  Instead I learned them through frustration and heartbreak and necessity, and more time alone that I wanted in a relationship.  But I learned that I can carry my own bag.  I wanted to be the woman who didn’t need a partner, and I got someone who taught me that.  Yes, we all need help at times, but we can’t expect a partner to carry our way through and we can’t carry them.  I expected my husband to do that for me because of the things he had done, like some penance.  But it gets too heavy and it creates an uneven relationship for each other and around expectation in general.  Like, I carried you, now you carry me.  And that was exactly what I did to him.         

I was never helpless, I was angry and hurt for a long time.  And in learning to love myself, I developed this understanding about projection and expectation which is what we talked about yesterday.  No amount of loving him will show him how to love me and it will never make him love me if those feelings don’t genuinely exist already.  The reality is relationships fluctuate and change and grow or they collapse depending on the growth of the people involved.  That is why it’s key to know who we are and to learn to be whole in ourselves before we enter a relationship with someone else.  A partner isn’t meant to fill our gaps to make us whole, partners are meant to complement who we are and we work toward something together.  But we need to be able to hold our own on our own first.  Once we can carry our own bag, things get a little easier.

Today I am grateful for help.  There is so much in this world we take on alone.  Just because we logically know something, just because we know we are capable, doesn’t mean we have the capacity to do it.  It doesn’t mean that will be at the front of our minds every day.  We all need help.  Even though we all have infinite power and capabilities, we don’t have the capacity to do it all at once.  We all need someone to remind us to keep perspective and to take things one step at a time.  We can’t do it all at once nor do we really want to, if we are honest with ourselves.  We feel we only have ourselves to rely on, and that may be true in some cases, but we always have the option to reach out. 

Today I am grateful for joy.  I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the commitments that we have coming up over the holiday season. It’s coinciding with a lot of end of year activity at work as well as projects for my son and I’m not quite where I want to be in the scheme of things.  But I am grateful to remember that even though I have a ton of things to do, they are all things I do with joy.  They are things I love doing.  Yes, it can still feel like too much, but I still hear the song while I’m working.  I’m still seeing and feeling the joy of doing what I do.  That is reason enough to keep going. 

Today I am grateful to have the ability to bring joy to others.  Part of why I do what I do is because I thoroughly enjoy seeing other people happy.  I love seeing their excitement and wonder at what I’ve created.  I love witnessing the feeling that I brought back some of their happy memories as we are making our own new memories.  I am grateful to have the capacity to do those things and to experience joy myself.  I love that my message is received and that I’ve done this work with love.  As stressful as it can be, as much pressure as I put on myself, it is literally always worth it.  Time is precious and you never know when life happens, so taking the time to bring a little magic to the world creates a beautiful memory and spreads some happiness and light in a sometimes dark world.

Today I am grateful for expressions of love.  Life is never a straight line.  Even when you think you know someone, there is always something that takes us by surprise.  A few months ago I wasn’t sure which direction life was going for us.  A few weeks ago I nearly lost my mind, I was emotionally drained, and I felt like I was at rock bottom.  I had to learn how to take care of myself in a new way.  Today I spent time with my husband and son and my aunt and uncle, doing some reminiscing and exchanging stories.  We took an old Christmas tree off their hands and spent the rest of the afternoon setting it up.  My husband normally lets me do all of the decorating on my own—I know it overwhelms him to a degree.  Today he helped me and, for him, I know that is showing me he loves me. 

Today I am grateful for this moment of flow.  It’s later than normal, I’m still going for the evening, I still have to make dinner, but I’m doing ok.  I got some wonderful advice today which was prioritize what needs to be done now.  There is no possible way to do it all at once so take care of what needs to be done in this moment.  So that is where I’m at now.  I’m taking things one step at a time and taking care of what’s in front of me.  All will get done as it needs to.  There is plenty of time to get it all done—and there is time for what doesn’t get done now.  All is well.  So stay here and enjoy this moment.

Today I am grateful for being ok.  I’ve been waiting for that grand moment when all of life clicks together and all makes sense in the world.  I’ve been heading in the best direction I know trying to get to where I think I can flourish and there are some days it feels like I’m treading water.  And that is ok.  I spoke the other day about being goal oriented and my frustration with getting side tracked and not accomplishing or getting where I want to be.  But the reality is once we achieve all of those goals, what’s left?  We can’t spend all of our time stagnant and reliving the glory days.  We can’t spend our time projecting into the future, living in fear.  All we have is now, and now is ok.  If we are breathing, have a roof over our heads, water, food, clothing, if we can take one step forward—we are ok for now and that is enough. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

No amount of loving him is going to make him love me.  No amount of loving him is going to make him love me HOW I need to be loved.  I realized this in deep self-work.  I lacked so much love for myself I demanded it from my partner.  I took everything he did as either a validation of his love for me or a slight on who I am.  I gave so much love and made so many allowances for his transgressions and slights that I expected the same from him and thought I was offering love.  There is unconditional love but that doesn’t mean unconditional acceptance.  When you are the sacrifice for another person, that isn’t who you need to be with.  We all deserve love and respect.  Unfortunately, we can’t make people love or respect us.  When that happens, we need to be strong enough to walk away instead of making allowances.  It’s hard.

In dealing with control issues, we learn to think that we can make other people feel or behave a certain way.  We think if we treat them how we want to be treated we are teaching them what the “right” thing to do is and how to behave.  The reality is all that’s doing is pissing people off and making them see our controlling behaviors and creating resentment.  Now, if someone is intentionally not meeting our expectations or a mutually agreed upon expectation, then that speaks to their character.  But if we don’t have clear definitions of what our “absolutes” are, then the other person isn’t likely intentionally hurting us.  I fought for things my partner didn’t know I was fighting for.  I did it to try and make him love me, to make him see that he had something valuable in me.  All he saw was my disappointment any time something didn’t work out how I expected it to.  That was never my intention.  That was an overwhelmed and overworked nervous system creating issues that didn’t exist.

But the real point is that we have to learn to supply love for ourselves before we can demand it of other people.  We have to learn what love really means and how to give it freely before we demand it of other people.  Love is an inside job before it comes from the outside.  Eventually we have so much love it simply flows from us.  We exude it instead of consume it.  We learn to sustain ourselves and to share what we have at the same time.  We shift from need and desperation to a desire and ability to do it for ourselves.  It starts with building our own foundation first rather than expecting someone to hold us up.  What happens if they had a shaky foundation to begin with? They can’t offer what we need. So learn to give for yourself, learn to do for yourself.  That is where the fulfillment comes from.  That is where we build the lives we are looking for.  Love ourselves first.      

“Your presence is not found in what you do.  It is found in the natural frequency of being fully you,” Ashmi Path.  So appropriate to follow our discussion on magic of the soul, magic of healing.  It isn’t to tout the greatness of being female, it’s about reclaiming what we were told to forget.  Ashmi’s message is about remembering self and honoring who we are seems more for women.  Too often we sacrifice ourselves for something else, namely to be accepted by something or someone.  I’m not discounting the human need to be accepted, but we need to be more discerning in whose acceptance we seek.  When we are fully who we are, that is an energy that can’t be faked or replaced.  It feels natural and life truly flows.

I think women willingly give up who they are because they are attempting to keep the peace.  They are attempting to keep the perceived safety alive, the perceived order.  Women can’t show weakness any more than men can, it just looks different on a woman.  The irony comes when we show vulnerability, we are automatically labeled weak or emotional.  It’s still the double standard where we are supposed to have it all and that means doing it all.  We are meant to support each other and that means getting in touch with that vulnerability.  Women are here to remind us of that but we are taught to forget it for the sake of proving we are worthy and capable.  The message isn’t to show that we can’t do it, just that we at least have the opportunity.  That doesn’t make us emotional wrecks.  It makes us humans who need to be validated as any other human.

I would like to add that sometimes it IS what we do.  When we align with who we are we naturally do the things that we love.  We find that our purpose and identity align.  We don’t have to do things for others, to make others happy, or to meet other’s expectations—because that isn’t the presence we are talking about.  That’s a temporary high of approval from others and we are always looking for the next hit.  When we align with our true selves, presence comes naturally and who we are follows.  The things we want to do follow.  The purpose follows. We are all capable of great things and we are meant to be.  We don’t have to be great at everything to be considered worthy-we just need to be greatly who we are.  Allow that out and watch your life change.