My energy is a little erratic tonight. I wanted to continue the discussion from yesterday about steps to take to embrace our humanity and I had an entire article written but I believe part of embracing humanity is recognizing when a message is coming through. And tonight this message is loud and clear.
I’ve been in a state of “not enough” for a few days now. I feel like I’m not doing enough. My attention is pulled in a million directions with work, my side projects, reorganizing my home, changing my home around, raising a toddler, and five animals to take care of. So not only do I feel like I’m not doing enough, I know I’m not doing enough of what I want to be doing. If I’m really honest, I’m not 100% sure what that is at this moment.
We all have our highs and lows and this is a downsweep for me right now. I know this is about breaking the pattern. The truth is I also feel really motivated but I’m just not sure for what. Maybe it’s a hormonal ambivalence. I love this feeling because it is raw potential but I feel like no action I take right now is going to be enough.
In the spirit of taking care of ourselves in small ways, I wanted to make the conscious choice to accept where I am. So instead of spending hours lamenting how I feel and that I’m not doing enough or that I’m not progressing, I took action. I cleaned the kitchen and organized under the sink. I put together some puzzles with my kid. I started writing. So the feeling isn’t completely gone, but I do feel better. The energy isn’t so stagnant.
I know that any steps I take tonight, no matter how small, are steps. Sometimes they just take a little more effort. Scattered energy isn’t productive energy because it is just movement—it isn’t action. But energy that feels like it takes more effort doesn’t make it non-productive. Accept it, do what you can, and move on. Tonight I’m going to call it early, relax, and start again tomorrow.