Just a short note on our place in the world. Right before I heard Rob speak about the levels of mindset we discussed yesterday, I read a piece by Ashmi Path. She said, “You are not here to fit in this world. Shine with your full strength.” I had planned on using the quote regardless because I’ve been making a ton of personal progress I wanted to share. When Rob’s piece came after that, I knew the two were aligned because in order to elevate the mindset, you have to appreciate and allow yourself to be fully who you are. We are trained to fit in from the day we are born. It makes us seem safe to others and we feel safe if we are accepted by others. But what happens when we have a different idea, a different feeling of where we are supposed to go?
Taking the path alone and allowing our light to shine can be daunting because it isn’t natural for most of us. But if we want to take the next steps and become who we are meant to be, then it takes stepping out of what we know. Ashmi’s gentle reminder is that we innately know who we are and what we are meant to do and in order to do that, we have to fully embrace that and allow who we are to shine outside of the confines we inflict on ourselves. Company that with Rob’s concept of levels of mindset and it makes sense. To get to the next level, we need to break out of who we tell ourselves to be.
For those who don’t know, Rob Dyrdek has a really enlightening podcast where he discusses business, mindset, life, success strategies, and other general tips. I listened to him speak about mindset the other day and he covered the concept of 4 stages of mind. In all the years I’ve studied mindset, growth, and self-development, this is the first time I’ve actually heard this broken down so simply but so accurately. It solidified for me two things: 1. Complex issues/thoughts really can be broken down simply. That’s often how you know you really understand something. 2. I’ve been over complicating the mindset and lifestyle I want to have—I can simply adjust the type of mindset I have. I’ve known what I’m looking for but I’ve muddied the water with fear by getting too specific and rigid on what I want and how I want it. I think most of us do that to a degree because we are taught in language that tries to make the person seem special, like they know more and you need them to get what you want. Not that we don’t need mentors, just that we don’t need it as complicated as they make it.
Let’s walk from the reactive to the magnetic. The first level is the REACTIVE mindset. You’re just getting by. You’re not falling behind but you’re not getting ahead. You aren’t able to see beyond what is immediately in front of you, you’re missing deadlines because you’re too busy volleying different issues at the same time. The second level is the AWARE mindset. You understand what you want to do but whether or not you take action is hit or miss. You know what you’d like to do and you see that you haven’t been making the progress you want. The third level is the PROACTIVE mindset. This is where you’ve moved beyond strictly reacting and you are completely aware of your role in what happens. This is where you take that extra step to intentionally move things forward in your life. The last step is the MAGNETIC mindset where you exist in such a state of flow that you draw the question/answer/solutions in real time are drawn to you. The life you want opens up because you see the path and the doorway before they are visible. It requires discipline in all aspects.
How cool is that explanation of elevating our mindset? So simple. No judgement. Just an awareness of where you are on your path and a decision to elevate for a different result. It’s so appropriate as we head into the New Year. I’m not talking about spreading the resolution, New Year New You mindset. I’m talking about spreading the mindset of making a decision on where you want to go and looking at the choices around you with the question, “Will this decision get me closer to where I want to be?” in mind. That question becomes what guides you forward. The thought of whether or not what you’re doing is actually working is your focus because you see a different goal. And how cool is it to let go of the concept of time and be in that state of flow to the degree you just ARE what you’re trying to be? It’s about letting the real you, out.
I plan on taking this journey this year because, while I’ve done the work for a long time and while I’ve been diving even deeper this last year, and yes I’ve even sought help for these things with my mindset, I want to maintain the awareness of where I’m going over the fear of where I’m at. It is so important to develop that clarity and we’ve taken many journeys with the idea of clarity. This coming year is about practice and these levels of mindset truly make it an actionable concept. Like I said earlier, often times people overcomplicate this practice because they want to make themselves invaluable. The real mark of the ability to elevate is to fly on your own. I will say this does take into account the process I mentioned earlier in 2022 about identifying where you’re at, where you want to be, and how to close the gap. I feel like this is the missing link in closing the gap. Who’s ready to step up?
“You won’t be able to move beyond chronic people pleasing if you aren’t willing to befriend your anger and to be seen as the villain when the situation demands it,” Xavier Dagba. This is important as we wind down this year. Many of us are fully aware of a general melancholy, a desire calling us to do something more in line with what we want. We are becoming closer to the inner knowing, the voice that tells us where to go, the direction that’s right for us. I spoke of it twice this week especially as it related to my son’s safety. I KNOW I want to be closer to him, I know I want to cut my commute out of the picture. It’s for my own peace of mind and it serves what I’m trying to accomplish.
We operate in extremes—where we either totally dive in and self-deprive or we binge shows and food. We work all the time to avoid how we feel or we emotionally collapse. With that mindset, we often find ourselves functioning out of obligation—we don’t do things for the sake of joy, we do them because we feel we must. That creates resentment and anger which we are told we shouldn’t feel, that nothing is done to us, it’s just how life operates. The truth is we are still trying to operate on outdated machinery and software that no longer functions as it did. We’ve tried to shift the purpose to the same result because we don’t know what the alternative looks like and we keep doing what we’ve always done expecting different results. Ignoring those needs creates anger and resentment as well.
Anger isn’t a negative thing: it’s an indicator that our boundaries have been crossed in some way. I’m not saying to fly off the handle at every little thing, but I am saying to develop a different relationship with anger. Understand what it’s really trying to say. The most common adage is that anger is a secondary emotion. It’s a response to something that was done. So, this means that if we are able to better understand the underlying issues around anger, if we are able to recognize what has been crossed, then we are more easily able to communicate and express that boundary. If we don’t know what we want and we are so wrapped up in what other people think, we will never get beyond where we are—and we will continue to harbor and foster that anger.
For me, this was established clearly during review season, with my boss’s reaction to her review, with the threat to my son’s school, being able to leave work early and to do something in alignment with what my soul really needed in that moment. We don’t get what we want by ignoring what we need. Yes, we are meant to help others, yes, we are inclined to want to fit in, and, yes, we sometimes have to do things we don’t enjoy. That doesn’t mean that needs to be our lives or the norm of how we operate. That would mean the total destruction/elimination of who we are. In order for this world to flourish, we each need to bring our gifts to light. We need to love ourselves enough to be who we are. That means following the light inside of us.
So the next time you feel angry, don’t let yourself get carried away with it but don’t let yourself ignore it, either. Get familiar with it. Ask where it’s really coming from. More importantly, ask what needs to be recognized in that moment. That curiosity will bring you closer to the truth than ignoring it or following default expected behavior. Go with it. There is nothing more empowering than developing a sense of recognition of self and who we are as individuals. It allows us to develop our strengths and fulfill a purpose we may not know we have otherwise. We aren’t bad for getting angry, we aren’t noble for denying who we are. We are all human and it’s critical as we move forward to establish the truth of who we are. it isn’t about making others happy or even making our own happiness. It’s about letting the joy and happiness in through being our highest selves. Don’t get angry, get curious.
I came across this question, “What skills or lessons have you learned recently?” and I paused. It’s been a long time in the school of life so it’s been a minute without a continuing education or something. And I realized that life teaches us plenty. My holiday prep is pretty consistent. I’ve learned a decent pattern over the years for how to get things done by a certain time and I threw in a bit more this year now that I could bring home baked gifts again. I brought back the cookies! I love baking cookies and sharing them. I love the act of baking, the chaos, the science, the timing, the smell, the colors—all of it! And my goodness, when a cookie turns out well—heaven!!
So the monkey wrench this year was my work hours shifting back in September along with my husband’s job changing—so his hours changed as well. It means I get home later, have less time with the family, and generally feel more alone because I have to go to sleep roughly 2.5 to 3 hours after I get home. That’s a short window to spend time with the family, eat, unwind, or do whatever I need to. Adding festivities to the mix was going to be a challenge. So this year, I was determined to bring back the cookies not just for gifts but for the party we are hosting as well. I planned out the cookies I wanted to bake and began the prep to bring them to life. All the dough was made on the weekend ahead and then I could bake them bit by bit during the week, still have time to give them out as gifts, and be ready for the party on the weekend.
Well, this is where the lesson starts. It has been a few years since I did the cookies on that scale and I threw in two new cookies this year. That meant that I didn’t know how they would behave in the fridge. I’ve had to leave doughs in the fridge overnight before but not for longer than that. With the schedule I had in place, I could only bake a few doughs a night so some would be in longer. I had no choice but to be ok with it. By the time I got to the last dough Wednesday night, things looked ok, but those were the new doughs. I know common sense would have dictated that I do the new ones first, but these were the most complicated so I saved them for last because I would have more time the evening I was planning on making them. Honestly, they started out fine…and then became a different work of art, so to speak.
Each night I worked on the cookies with my son who is old enough to help now and these are the lessons in a nutshell. 1. Time moves faster than you can imagine. The last time I was able to do these cookies he was learning to talk. Now he is able to help me and understands how to work the mixer. Keep each moment close to your heart. 2. The imperfect makes it perfect. I love it when a cookie turns out really well—but it was so much more fun spreading the knowledge to my kid and witnessing him enjoy what I do. Half the cookies look ridiculous but they taste amazing and there was so much fun in them. 3. Our time is ours—use it how we see fit because it goes fast (see number 1). Our lives are not meant to be divided between what we love and what we have to do. Love what you do and if you don’t, go find it and put your time there. 4. You don’t need permission. We have one life and it is meant to be glorious and bright and joyful and an experience we love. Share it. Share the love, the light, the laughter. Don’t wait for things to be just right or for someone to give you the time to do what you want—we have to create that time. 5. Do everything with love. Allow it to be what it is and enjoy it while you have it. 6. Sometimes what happens is better than what is planned. The universe knows what you need so take it. Don’t fight it.
I share this story after yesterday’s piece because I’ve really had to work to process it, and one of the key points I didn’t fully understand until after leaving work early. The timing of events is the universe’s way of communicating about our focus and driving us toward what’s important. When we are on the right path, often things unfold for us that show us the way.
On Wednesday evening last week, we received a message from the superintendent of my son’s school that a threat had been made by a 22 year old local resident of our neighborhood. While the threat was vague enough and did not call out the school specifically, it was enough to get the guy arrested and charged with disorderly conduct—and to warrant notifying the parents because of proximity to the school and what the statement suggested. I spoke with one of the other mother’s because my initial reaction was this was like the other two incidents we had last year except those had come from kids and no one was arrested even though the police were involved. I didn’t get uneasy until she pointed out that this was an adult and his proximity to the school was very different than the last time. I still had to send my son to school on Thursday, and that was when the emotion hit.
I pulled up on Thursday morning slightly uneasy, a little nervous, but resolved that we were ok. Then the cops showed up. Now, I’m very grateful they were there (especially because the design of the school leaves safety to be desired in my mind) but that triggered me in a new way. The cops hadn’t shown up in the prior incidents—and why were they only outside the entrance for the little ones? Did this guy specifically call out the youngest kids? This was right after the anniversary of the Sandy Hook shootings—was the guy making comments about that? I don’t know—and I didn’t need to know because, while the caution was a good thing, it set me on edge. My son asked about the police presence and I told him they were there to make sure things went ok today—and to listen to anything they said. I told him to listen to anything his teacher said as well. I know he picked up on the fear as he asked what was wrong, but I told him everything will be ok.
That was the worst lie I have told as a parent. While I would never tell him the specifics about what was going on, I knew then and there that there is no control I had that would make this ok, that would guarantee my son’s safety. I fought tears driving away thinking that my son is only in kindergarten and this is the third incident at his school. I called my husband and he shared that he was glad the cops were there. I called my friend who was dropping her kid off as well and she let me know that she spoke with the police and, while they weren’t going to be there all day, they would be around. A little bit later she emailed the teacher asking to keep the kids inside during recess and the teacher replied that she would never let anything happen to the kids. That’s when I lost it. We’ve gotten to this place where educators are normalizing these threats and have to tell the parents they would protect these kids like that.
I immediately started spinning, not only thinking of what’s wrong with society, but about how to protect my kid, how to be closer to my kid, how to work near my kid so I can get to him faster—even if I had to homeschool him. I know it’s extreme and I know it’s not something I can do in this moment, but I couldn’t live with myself if I never saw him again. I couldn’t stand the idea that all parents are dropping their kids off at school and they don’t know if they will see them again. Did I hug him long enough? Did I give him enough kisses? Did I rush him out the door? Does he know what to do if there really is a situation that unfolds? I’ve been uneasy since he started school because of how far I am from him—honestly, even if he falls and bumps his head, it would take me almost an hour to get to him. I’m not comfortable with that any longer.
I started this piece talking about not understanding part of this event until after I got to leave work early. Here it is: our time and our family, (chosen, birthed, or otherwise) are our most valuable assets and the universe responds quickly when we get that level of clarity. I’ve been wanting to be home and work from home for a long time and the opportunity came on Friday—and it was glorious, further reaffirming that is the path I need to take. The incident was horrible and terrifying, but the universe will put us directly on the path we need in order to make us aware of our values in the most concreate way. For me, that is being more accessible for my family, being closer to my family, doing the things I love with my family. That means doing the work I love closer to my family. The universe knows what we vibrate at and it responds.
We will never be able to replicate the people we have in our lives and it is our responsibility to reasonably assure their safety. It is also our responsibility to get clear on what we can do to better align with what works for us. Mostly it is our responsibility to take care of each other. Reach out and check on people, reach out for help when you need it, communicate, find ways to do things you love and spend more time doing that, find ways to connect with others. While we have no control over the state of the world, we do have control how we respond to it and how we can prioritize what’s really important to us. Use the time we have wisely, love our people fiercely, get honest about what you need and follow that.
We are looking for freedom in new ways. I’ve felt the call myself. That it isn’t right to work for anyone else anymore. That we want to be able to call our own shots—because that’s what we are bred to do. We aren’t meant to heed someone’s beck and call or fulfill someone else’s dream before our own. We created this hierarchy to establish power and dominance and we’ve accepted that it’s simply the way we do things for too long. From corporate structure, to political structure, we follow some pattern: do what we are told to do in order to survive. I’m not saying we don’t need some type of guidance, but we don’t need someone else to tell us what to do with our own lives. Ok, I concede, this awfully dramatic for what comes next in this story—but it’s all true!
I got to leave work early the other day. What’s more is that my boss came with me. She’d had a rough day even though it just started, we were the only ones there, it was a Friday, so she said to pack up. So we did. I went and spent time with my husband because he gets out of work early and we met at home around the same time. On the drive home, I found myself thinking, “This is exactly what I want to do.” I want that type of freedom. I want to go where my energy flows, I know the saying is, “Energy flows where focus goes,” but sometimes it doesn’t work like that. Sometimes we are in a situation where we have to put our energy toward something we may not enjoy doing. I know that’s the case for many of us, and we accept it as normal.
Let me tell you what actually ended up happening because leaving early wasn’t just about getting out of work. It cut nearly 15 minutes off of my commute. I got to enjoy lunch with my husband without our son for the first time in two years. We laughed about crap we wouldn’t normally talk about—we got to talk about things we wouldn’t normally talk about and it felt intimate again. We were able to finish shopping for the holidays. We were able to complete a conversation and make decisions without interruption. I got to go and pick my kid up from school and he was thrilled. We got to finish grocery shopping early. All of this was because I had an extra 6.5 hours to my day. What a gift. Time is our most precious asset. When they say it’s about how we spend our time, that is the truth. But so many people leave out the exhaustion of day to day life and talk about powering through when you “really want something.” There is a point to that mentality yes, if you really want something you will find the time for it. But the truth is life doesn’t always work that way. It is exhausting and there are only so many physical hours in a day. There comes a point where you need mental fortitude but not at the cost of physical health.
Life doesn’t work on a structure for everyone because life is chaos. Creation and destruction all at once. We can establish patterns and that’s when we feel the best but our patterns don’t always work for those around us. Sometimes those patterns aren’t even what we want to be doing—it’s what we are told to do (wake up, eat, get dressed, commute, work, commute, zone out). What happens, though, when we are able to take that time doing the things we love, creating an extra pocket to do the things we love, is we connect with ourselves and even the universe—even those around us. That is where the real living is. So, it wasn’t just about getting to leave early, it was about the life that was able to happen because of the focus of the time back. We need more pockets of life and we need to listen and allow them to expand. Our time here is finite and we don’t know when it ends—so every chance I get, I’m taking it. I overspent on gifts but my son is only going to be this little for a while longer and there are people I want to know I’m thinking of them. I didn’t get all the work done, but I got to make my husband feel heard again and we connected. That is priceless.
The world lost Stephen Boss last week to suicide. Many knew him as tWitch and from what I can see, he was immensely loved. I didn’t know the man personally, I didn’t follow his work, but I knew who he was from Ellen. Everything I read about this man fascinated me. There was not one negative thing about him. Complimenting his ethic, his person, his belief, the way he carried himself, this man did amazing things simply by sharing his gift, his essence. I could feel the pain of those who knew him. It’s not unusual for that type of outpouring or the commentary that no one knew what was really going on, or they never would have guessed.
It’s situations like this that bring to light that there is still significant stigma around mental health. The fact that people struggle with mental health is not a secret—we all know about it. How we deal with it and treat it is still a work in progress. I understand that we are dealing with things that are relatively unknown (yes, mountains of data exist, but we don’t have a full physiological reason for these behaviors, especially because different physiological things cause the same response). I also understand that sharing those vulnerable parts of us is more than uncomfortable because, as animals, if we indicate something is “wrong” or different about us, we are at risk. I understand that as a society, we still push this idea that we need to handle it all on our own. I understand we are doing what we’ve always been trained to do because we don’t know any different. It all makes logical sense how we got where we did. Any one of those factors explains it, to be honest. But I understand that now is the time to push for change. Most importantly, I understand what it feels like to be on the other side, to feel like you have nothing to contribute, that he world would genuinely be better without you.
I’ve shared my story of self-harm. For me that included cutting for over a decade, two sincere suicide attempts, one with cutting, another with a bottle of acetaminophen at 15 years old. Now I look at it and ask how someone so young could feel that much self-hatred and have such little self-worth. It’s why my work focuses largely on self-care, self-help, and self-value. As we get older, we do funny things with our value and tying our identity to external factors in some way. We learn that pattern as kids, but as adults, we forget there was ever another option in deciding worth. That’s legitimately why I wrote the piece about my evaluation the other day. I digress. We internalize those external factors and think that defines who we are. Throw in a physiological issue like a potential hormone imbalance, a decrease in chemical flow, or an issue with receptors, and we are talking an actual cesspool of self-hatred.
I share that to squash this idea that suicide is selfish. People see it as selfish from the outside because they look at how people are impacted—a natural response, I guess. What they aren’t seeing is what that person was going through INSIDE. If you’ve never had thoughts about what the world would be like without out, then this is your invitation to either LEARN about it and really do a deep dive, or kindly shut the fuck up about it. Carry your judgement elsewhere. If you haven’t felt those things, if your brain doesn’t operate the same chemically, then you DON’T KNOW. It would be like explaining to Neil Armstrong what it’s like on the moon. We can’t—we’ve never been there. You can’t judge something on surface level. And maybe that is the first place we need to start: learning to reserve judgement.
I hate the thought of losing such a powerful light in the world. By all accounts, tWitch was an amazing human being, loved by his family, friends, and fans alike. They spoke so highly of his ability to share and view the world with kindness. I think of Robin Williams and him talking about how it’s usually the people who are in the most pain who make you laugh because they don’t want others to feel that way. I share my story again to ignite the flame in others and to show that there is a way to get through and to remember value and worth. The more we share, the more we normalize the conversation. That’s how you make changes. Having the conversation, no matter how difficult is how you change it. Until then, take the time to reach out to those you love, offer to volunteer with those who need it, just lend an ear. Don’t take for granted that all is well. Check on people. Let’s start changing the conversation and the behaviors that lead to feeling this way. And if YOU need help, speak up, reach out, tell people clearly. It gets better.
If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741; You can also text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
“You’re fearless, never been afraid, don’t start that now,” Sir Sly, You Haunt Me. Life beckons in different ways. As I’m evaluating next steps (which feels like it’s been forever), the signs are clearer and clearer that it’s time to let the past go. Not just the emotional components, but the physical weight as well. The second-nature, automatic responses to things. If you want something different, you have to do something different. I’m learning that instead of being afraid of a new beginning, or fearing what that first step means/looks like, it’s time to be grateful for it. Life is full of unknowns and it can literally change in the blink of an eye. It’s so easy to talk about the things we would do if the conditions were right, if we had enough money, if we had enough time. We never talk about what we would do right now to make it different. We speak fearlessly, we act fearfully. I don’t pretend that there isn’t a time to plan things out, but I know how much time is wasted talking about it rather than doing it.
If I have to step into the most fearless version of me, I become a different person. That has its own fears as well. Will those who know and love me continue if they don’t know who I am anymore? Will they still love the new version of me? The parts that I’m now willing to share? At what point does that even matter, where you say forget it and move forward regardless? I may not have all the answers to that now but I know what it feels like to waste that time sitting there, and that is the worst thing you could do. I speak from experience. Waiting and waiting for the right time only to be in the same place decades later.
Those pushes, those nudges, that beckoning from the universe is real. It’s waiting for you to heed the call and do what you’re meant to do. Your purpose, not what you’re told to do. I used that line from the song in my opening today because I love it. The intonation and the intention and the meaning behind it feels personal on so many levels. It’s not trite, it’s a genuine call to what we feel inside. We waste so much time holding ourselves back because of what other people think. We don’t want to be embarrassed, we don’t want to step on toes, we don’t want to offend, we don’t want to hurt people if we succeed somewhere else. How much of our life is wasted holding our own reins? I hadn’t heard the song in ages, and it ran through my head the other day so I went and listened, and that line rang out clear as a bell.
When we receive those signs, right on the precipice of change, it’s important to heed it. I’ve talked for a while now about the changes I’ve been working on in my life, the change in focus, the developing who I am, the struggles with my marriage, the struggles at work. When all those things seem to be falling apart it’s time to step up and walk toward the new. It may be hard to let go, and it may be scary, but it’s necessary. Life is meant to change. If it wasn’t we’d be nothing but amoebas. But we live on this giant floating ball, we cohabitate, we reproduce, we invite life in, we CREATE. That is something astounding. That is life. If we can get this far, we certainly shouldn’t let little things like what people think , literally the electrical impulses in someone else’s brain, dictate what we do. Take the sign and take the leap. You will never know until you try. My call is crystal clear now. I am grateful.
It’s review season at work. I hate doing annual reviews. It’s stressful for everyone involved, remembering all the details for multiple employees, the agony of waiting for the decision, the fact that someone’s future salary may depend on how they were viewed/perceived in the year (if the company even decides to give them), lack of introspection on some parts. I think it’s a terrible process because if we were consistent with direction over the year, we wouldn’t need to have a “big talk” at one point determining the fate so to speak. Regardless, it’s mandatory for the company at this time. So, I’ve been giving reviews long enough, and I know how to read people well enough, to address the personal and the professional in my employees and myself. No, I’m not exempt from reviews. Neither is my boss.
I wasn’t thrilled with my review in the respect I think some of the big picture like overall workload, overall focus/direction, and how the needle was moved were overlooked. I have a pretty good gauge on my ethics/habits/behaviors so I know where I fell short. It’s what allows me to be honest with other people as well—my boss actually commended me for that. So I tend to focus on the positive when I give reviews, I think we were a little too harsh as far as leaders. This was a different year, however, and I wasn’t mad because I had already anticipated much of what was going to happen and I’ve been preparing mentally for next steps for a while. My boss wasn’t though.
It was early on Friday morning when I ran into my boss and she immediately exclaimed that she was going home because she just had her review. We talked the whole thing through and I empathized with a lot of what she said. There are other factors at play for her because she has a higher position so there are more politics in the organization since we’ve been bought out, and that is something we’ve ALL struggled with—she just gets it more. There are major issues with communication and that trickles down all the way to us. There isn’t clear direction from above her because we are in this weird state where we have our own initiative as well as the organizations initiatives but we are all supposed to be one. So, truly, I understand, and it is complicated.
But what I explained to my teams, I became the reflection of their work, and what she had to deal with her teams, she became a reflection of that work. I’m not sure she was happy with that or prepared for it. It’s never fun having things pointed out that we need to work on and it’s even less fun acknowledging the truth in it. No one likes to dig that deep when they’re at that level. Not that my boss is a bad boss, but we are all human and need to have the capacity for constructive feedback. When communication is bad, you have to work to be a better communicator. You have to learn to elicit the things you need out of people. Sometimes it takes someone outside to hold up that mirror to understand that to taste the other side.
I think the major point is that we are all in this together. There is no real need to continue evaluating people like this because something will always be missed. We never take the whole picture of who we are or what was accomplished or the things we had to overcome to accomplish them. And there are times when we have to face that what goes around comes around. If we are at the mercy of arbitrary judgement, then so is everyone else. We are actively practicing things that are damaging to people. I mean, there IS value in constructive, timely criticism. There is no value in listing every single thing a person has done and deeming it good enough at one time. No one should have that kind of power and it shouldn’t be a requirement for people to do that to each other. Let’s evaluate each other on our humanity and see how things change…
Today I am grateful to be able to create magic in my son’s life. It isn’t easy in this economy, this day and age (maybe ever), to be a parent. I had this vision of what it meant to create the magic for children, that we were supposed to give them everything. I spent a lot of time buying my son’s love so to speak. I’ve gotten much better about connecting, but when he was super little, those formative years where you really need your parents, I couldn’t physically be as present as I wanted with my baby. I worked a lot, I worked far, and I was always under pressure to be on time. I know people say kids don’t remember, but my son became exceptionally clingy whenever I wasn’t around. To this day he still tells me he needs me all the time. So I try to show him that I care, that I’m always there, that I hear him. With Christmas coming up, I know I went overboard—to be fair it’s for Christmas and his birthday. He mentioned things he wanted and I want him to know that for every “No” I gave him, I still heard him. I could be mad about what I spent, or fearful, but I’m choosing to be grateful. You’re only little once, and that time goes so fast.
Today I am grateful to connect with my husband. We’ve been working through a lot since October, trying to come to a better understanding with each other, a better understanding of each other. I know for a long time I took for granted what he needed because I was so angry about the past. Things that had been done still burned hot and I felt owed because what was done never really was acknowledged. It was something that angered and embarrassed my husband so he preferred to ignore it, I needed to understand it to know if it would happen again. We never saw eye to eye on how to resolve it and it resulted in me demanding things and my husband got resentful over time. I understood THAT. Yesterday I was able to leave work really early and meet up with him and we had lunch, just the two of us, and we finished shopping for Christmas. Those few hours together really make a difference, and we really took our time with each other, talked things over (even though it was just about Christmas). It was needed.
Today I am grateful for continual guidance. I am so fortunate to be learning about my faith and my connection to spirit/the universe. I’m not talking religion—I’m talking about that assurance that comes from hearing the messages for us. I feel blessed to take the leap of faith and do things for others that makes them feel good. I feel blessed to take the leap of faith and do things that make me feel good, too. Life is about taking chances and experiencing things. It’s not about perfection.
Today I am grateful to keep the big picture in mind. Everything that is happening now from the purchases to the preparation to the gatherings we do or do not attend is all a matter of choice. I’m choosing what this season looks like for me and I’m choosing what the season looks like moving forward. I’m grateful for turning a leaf and for the reminders that this is the right thing to do. You don’t get to new places or experience a new mind set by repeating old patterns. There is a future beyond what is visible or tangible right now. There is the future that comes when we take the leap and sometimes that means completely letting go, being present, and enjoying what we have. Attitude attracts experiences and that is key moving forward.
Today I am grateful to have a plan. No, I don’t know all the details, I don’t even know the next step. But I have a feeling of what comes next and I can see what the future vision looks like. Honestly, that’s enough of a plan for me because what comes next is about learning what I feel inside and how to allow this transformation to take hold. This is about me moving in the direction of my dreams and the more I do, the clearer it becomes. Some would say this isn’t a plan—for me it’s the most concrete thing I can do. Stay true to myself, to my purpose, allow the rest to fall away, and enjoy what is in front of me. I spent too much time worrying about the future to the point of trying to figure out every person’s next move. That was a waste of time and energy. Now I am content to put out what I am meant to and to follow my own flow.
The Intentional Dreamer 