Future

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“You’re fearless, never been afraid, don’t start that now,”  Sir Sly, You Haunt Me.  Life beckons in different ways.  As I’m evaluating next steps (which feels like it’s been forever), the signs are clearer and clearer that it’s time to let the past go.  Not just the emotional components, but the physical weight as well.  The second-nature, automatic responses to things.  If you want something different, you have to do something different.  I’m learning that instead of being afraid of a new beginning, or fearing what that first step means/looks like, it’s time to be grateful for it.  Life is full of unknowns and it can literally change in the blink of an eye.  It’s so easy to talk about the things we would do if the conditions were right, if we had enough money, if we had enough time.  We never talk about what we would do right now to make it different.  We speak fearlessly, we act fearfully.  I don’t pretend that there isn’t a time to plan things out, but I know how much time is wasted talking about it rather than doing it.

If I have to step into the most fearless version of me, I become a different person.  That has its own fears as well.  Will those who know and love me continue if they don’t know who I am anymore?  Will they still love the new version of me?  The parts that I’m now willing to share?  At what point does that even matter, where you say forget it and move forward regardless?  I may not have all the answers to that now but I know what it feels like to waste that time sitting there, and that is the worst thing you could do.  I speak from experience.  Waiting and waiting for the right time only to be in the same place decades later. 

Those pushes, those nudges, that beckoning from the universe is real.  It’s waiting for you to heed the call and do what you’re meant to do.  Your purpose, not what you’re told to do.  I used that line from the song in my opening today because I love it.  The intonation and the intention and the meaning behind it feels personal on so many levels.  It’s not trite, it’s a genuine call to what we feel inside.  We waste so much time holding ourselves back because of what other people think.  We don’t want to be embarrassed, we don’t want to step on toes, we don’t want to offend, we don’t want to hurt people if we succeed somewhere else.  How much of our life is wasted holding our own reins?  I hadn’t heard the song in ages, and it ran through my head the other day so I went and listened, and that line rang out clear as a bell. 

When we receive those signs, right on the precipice of change, it’s important to heed it.  I’ve talked for a while now about the changes I’ve been working on in my life, the change in focus, the developing who I am, the struggles with my marriage, the struggles at work.  When all those things seem to be falling apart it’s time to step up and walk toward the new.  It may be hard to let go, and it may be scary, but it’s necessary.  Life is meant to change.  If it wasn’t we’d be nothing but amoebas.  But we live on this giant floating ball, we cohabitate, we reproduce, we invite life in, we CREATE.  That is something astounding.  That is life.  If we can get this far, we certainly shouldn’t let little things like what people think , literally the electrical impulses in someone else’s brain, dictate what we do.  Take the sign and take the leap.  You will never know until you try.  My call is crystal clear now.  I am grateful. 

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