How can you enjoy life if you always want something else?  My ADD brain went there on a drive this past weekend.  We were in the car, it was a gorgeous day and we were heading toward the store.  The entire time, I kept going over the things we needed at the store.  It hit me, I’m not even in my body in this moment.  The weather is perfect, it’s a gorgeous Saturday, and I’m not even enjoying the moment.  I have a shopping list, with me, why am I obsessing over it and then why am I thinking about work on top of it?!  I had a brief epiphany—I have never been fully present in my entire life.  I nearly always want to be somewhere other than where I’m at.  Even if I don’t really feel that way (like if I’m doing work I actually enjoy doing) my brain starts kicking in with all of the other things I need to be doing.  Being pulled in that many directions is unsettling and takes away from the joy of where we are.

I want to be able to enjoy my life and that means being present.  If I have a moment of inspiration and need to write, then I need to be able to do that.  If I want to hang out with my kid or go for a bike ride with him, I need to be able to do that.  I don’t want to be at the constraints of someone else, or someone else’s goals.  We have a finite about of time here and I think that is why I allow myself to get so distracted.  I’m trying to fit two lives into one.  I need one to support and sustain us but I need one to keep me thriving mentally and to fulfill my purpose.  That is where the disconnect happens.  I never get to do exactly what I want and I always feel guilty and obligated to be doing something else. 

When you dedicate a third of your day to someone else’s dreams, that limits the time you have to work on your own so there is a sense of urgency and pressure to find time to do what you want to do.  The best advice that I struggle to take is slowing down.  There isn’t anything we can do about the time we have in a day, but we can be intentional about how we use it.  Setting specific time and creating blocks to achieve work allows us to take action toward a goal.  In order to do that we have to slow down and really look at what we are trying to accomplish.  We have to get in touch with who we are and listen to what we need to do, what we are called to do.

We see the details and the truth of who we are when we listen to that voice.  We learn to enjoy through presence and attentiveness and fulfilling what we are meant to.  We enjoy by embracing fully who we are and living unapologetically.  We enjoy life when we are fulfilling our purpose and not someone else’s.  If we are always between where we are and what we want to be doing, we miss a lot of life.  We don’t see what is in front of us because we are fantasizing about something else.  But when we start feeling the mind wander and feel those pulls to be doing something else, we can take that as a sign to decide and to re-focus on what we DO want.  We can’t live two lives, we aren’t designed that way.  The brain isn’t built like that.  But we can decide to let go of what we don’t want and pick up who we are.  That is how you enjoy life: take what you need, fulfill your purpose, stay true to yourself, and let the rest go.  Live.   

Today I am grateful for painful truths.  There is nothing more equalizing/sobering/humbling than finding out the truth about how other people feel.  We have no say in how people think about us or what story they tell themselves about us (and there is a good reason for that).  But there are times we may have a suspicion that the surface isn’t entirely true and then we may get a glimpse in the form of an off comment, something that sticks out.  They may try to brush it off as humor, but we know there is a bit of truth in every “joke,” even the ones at our expense.  Yes, it is painful, especially when it’s someone you trust, or someone you thought was clear on how they felt and you find it was the opposite.  But it gives you exactly what you need to level-set.  The truth puts you in reality and allows you to move forward.  You can’t move forward if you’re not starting from where you are.  Honesty gives you a foundation, so let your little tower fall and build anew.  You want something authentic anyway—at least I do. 

Today I am grateful for time to myself.  My husband left the house early to go fishing.  After an emotionally tough week, I’ve felt like I ran a marathon.  My mind is tired and confused.  I’ve felt a deep calling to do nothing and recharge.  A deep sense that I need to ground and connect.  I’ve spent so many years living up to people’s expectations and doing what they want me to that I have spiraled out into confusion about what I really need.  When you are striving to create a new life, there is a period where you are straddling the old life and trying to walk into the new life.  We can only stretch so much before we have to let go of something.  So having some time to pause and really reflect on what I need to do is helpful.

Today I am grateful to take a moment to recognize what is good about me.  This past week really weighed me down and had me questioning my worth.  The echoing words of someone close to me being “disappointed in my actions” kept flowing through my head and that just led to replaying every crappy thing I’ve ever done and feeling completely worthless.  As I’m taking time to re-center and decide what I need to do next, I listened to Mel Robbins as she is promoting her High 5 Habit right now.  She talks about how hard we are on ourselves and it hit me in that moment I’ve never taken the time to really respect and appreciate all I’ve done.  Maybe THAT is why people feel it’s ok to undermine me: I undermine myself by downplaying my achievements.  I’m balancing quite a load of stuff and trying my best to keep it all level.  But I’m seeing it isn’t meant to be level.  So I will start with I’m proud of my skill to re-evaluate what is important.  I’m proud of my ability to re-frame events that have happened. I’m proud of my dedication to finding the truth, not what is convenient to get a middle ground.  I’m proud I still have the ability to see what is good around me in spite of what’s happening.     

Today I am grateful for my resilience.  My presence in this world has felt tenuous at best, like I’ve been on borrowed time.  Like I don’t belong in any room I’ve been in (I have a piece on that coming up).  I’ve tried to prove my worth to so many people, people I never even knew.  I’ve worked twice as hard as some for a quarter of the recognition, and even then, I’m not taken seriously.  So I’ve spent a lot of my time living a very serious life, making serious decisions, and taking on serious tasks all to prove I’m capable.  I know there are people who have had it far worse than I have and I will NEVER undermine true tragedy for my fragile ego—but I can no longer discount the damage that amount of work and ridicule and the energy spent trying to find validation has done to me.  I’m grateful for the strength to stand up and try new things.  I’m grateful for the capacity and capability to do what is right for me.  It may not look how I want it to, but fuck it, I will do it on my own.     

Today I’m grateful to recognize where I’m at.  Granted it’s not where I want to be, but seeing the reality of where I’m at gives me space to move forward.  That has always been one of my tools.  When it gets too overwhelming or there is too much input or confusion, I stop and gather my bearings.  Right now, that’s what I’m in the process of doing.  All of this hurt is leading me to something.  It’s pointing something out.  And that is something I need to work on and address, in me.  I’m working on finding the nerve that all of this hit, the nerve that has been so exposed for the last few weeks.  I can move forward and heal from there.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“You don’t get to choose how you’re going to die.  Or when.  But you can decide how you’re going to live now,” Joan Baez.  I’ve been spending more and more time evaluating what is important to me and how I want to spend my time.  I’m still filled with guilt every time I do something I’m not supposed to.  Like if I’m working at my 9-5 and some inspiration hits so I take a few minutes to jot down some thoughts.  But the truth is, no one has ever policed me and I’ve always been a high performer.  So why do I waste time that I have now to feel bad about what I’m doing now?  The only way I’m ever going to change myself and my circumstances is by taking action aligned with what I need to be doing.  From time to time that means jumping on the inspiration when I need to. 

I’ve heard it said that at the end of your life you don’t regret what you did do, you regret what you didn’t do.  I used to live in a state of feeling like I constantly needed to be perfect because we only have one shot at this life.  I didn’t want to disappoint anyone.  And then as I started doing some deeper work, I realized that I was disappointing myself more than anyone.  I wasn’t embracing things I valued like taking chances and having fun and developing things I wanted to.  In spite of preaching it constantly, I missed the point that we each have our own purpose in this world and I spent my time helping others fulfill their purpose instead of recognizing my own. 

There is a certain fulfillment and reward in helping others, but the regret from not focusing on your own goals is heavy.  We are trained that it is selfish to work on our own things but how on Earth are we to improve anything if we don’t spend time developing what we need to in order to contribute and sustain ourselves?  The needs of society as a whole are shifting and we have to shift our expectations as well.  It is not selfish to develop personal creativity or personal service in order to provide needed support in a way that is aligned with who you are.  End of story.

To circle back to regret, It’s an empty feeling at first, and maybe even a little angering or sad, when you see how much time you’ve spent on someone else’s dream or living to their expectations.  The truth is we are all on a clock that we never know when it runs out.  And being a society that lives on either end of the spectrum, that can illicit fear and make us selfish that we have to obtain as much as we can with the time we have or it makes us lost.  We have to put the meaning into what we do.  We have to feel our way through what is right for us.  And we aren’t trained to manage our emotions any longer.  We aren’t taught to feel and respond to them, we are taught to ignore them or control them.  And there is a difference between management and control.  Management means you are working with them to guide yourself through.  Control means you’re forcing something to behave according to expectations. 

So.  Live with no regrets.  You do not need permission to live your life as you see fit.  Live aligned with what matters to you and let the rest fall into place.  You are who you are meant to be and the world needs you to be that person as well.  Embrace that person and express that identity fully.  Don’t waste your time trying to be something you’re not or making others into what they are not. Choose yourself every day because you can either spend your life happy that you’ve attempted to go after your dreams or you can look back and wish you had.  The only thing for certain is our time is finite—so make the best of it.  And make the most of it. 

A quick note on healing.  One of my neighbors made a comment about getting together and she said, “no littles were allowed,” referencing my son.  It’s not the first time this has happened and I got angry.  She doesn’t know what I went through to bring my kid into the world.  I did not have a child to let him raise himself.  SO.  I drew some cards and they said the greatest experience of freedom is in letting go of what others think of me.  And I’m worthy of feeling good and the universe works fast when we’re having fun.

Those cards were a perfect reminder (and perfectly timed) that our timing is just different.  We are allowed to be at different points in our lives.  She can think what she wants—it doesn’t change MY life.  She had kids early, we did not.  We explored and spent time with each other and learned what we wanted to do with our lives.  So yes, she did spend her early years with her child—we are enjoying that time with our son now because these are HIS early years. 

After reading the cards, I found myself thinking, “If she can’t accept the whole package, my family including my son, then we aren’t meant to be in each others lives that way.  I’m ok with that.  This time I am not adapting my life to someone else’s expectations.  Certainly not with my son—he isn’t going anywhere.  This is who and where I am—meet me or leave me, I’m on MY path. 

I’ve spent my whole life trying to be accepted.  Bending and contorting for whoever I meet while they took what they needed and never reciprocated.  I’m tired of the show.  I’m getting off the performance train and I’m being who I am.  I know my priorities: me and mine—especially my son. 

In the way the universe works, I had a meeting this morning after reading those cards and one of the main people we needed didn’t show up.  At first I felt angry—again.  I wasted time, energy, and gas getting out there and I didn’t even get a message that he couldn’t make it until after I was there.  I’m grateful now, though.  It shows me that if I can be dismissed, if I can contort my life to fit and accommodate EVERYONE else, have my time labeled as invaluable, then I can reclaim it.  That isn’t tit for tat, but it IS about maintaining boundaries. 

I can relax more.  I’m living my path and those who want to join welcome. Those who don’t or who don’t respect where I’m at, you need to make way.  I don’t need to meet anyone’s expectations or demands but my own.  Build my life around MY life.  I don’t need to jump at anyone’s beck and call—NO ONE DOES.  I have a say in what I allow in my life.  Period.  And THAT feels amazing.   

“You aren’t broken, you’re just blocked.  Shift your focus from what you’re trying to fix to what you’re trying to create,” Mel Robbins.  The last few days I’ve been really struggling with my writing.  I’ve been struggling with my focus and motivation.  I’ve been struggling to feel like I was doing anything worthwhile.  All this time I’ve been wanting to motivate people to find what calls them and to abandon the lies we tell ourselves about why we can’t achieve our goals and now, I couldn’t find the words.  Even taking breaks felt futile because it wasn’t what I wanted to be doing.  What the hell did I want to be doing?  Nothing felt….right.  And then this quote came along.

Sometimes, even when we are in the throws of creativity, we hold on so tightly to the vision of what we want something to look like that we lose sight of what is right in front of us.  We crush what we are nurturing with the weight of our expectations.  And the more we struggle to move forward, the more we bury ourselves and block the potential ways out.  That’s what I was doing.  I’ve been moving through my days like I’m running out of time.  Constantly worrying about everything.  Trying to fit it in.  Trying to find a schedule that works for me.  Trying to still prove that I’m productive at my 9-5 as well as capable of running a business.  But if we don’t allow the process and if we try to confine it to what we think it needs to look like, we can still block ourselves. 

The simple truth is we aren’t designed to operate at full capacity 24/7.  The brain needs variety, it needs input, it needs output, it needs rest.  We have to take care of ourselves.  And care involves recognizing what we need and doing it.  There is no nobility in reaching the grave first.  This isn’t a race.  I digress.  We push ourselves to the point we don’t recognize who we are or remember why we started in the first place.  We convince ourselves that we aren’t functioning well if we don’t live up to the expectations set by our incessant, insta-gratification, always-perfect, always visible culture.  My friends—that isn’t real.  Don’t let that be your gauge to success.  No one lives that way in real life.  And if they do—they have HELP.  No one does it alone.  Either that or they can’t do it for long…hello burnout.

All of that was to say, we have a misperception about what “broken” is.  Just because we aren’t living up to an imaginary expectation, that doesn’t mean we are broken.  It means that what we are trying to accomplish is a lie.  Our very need to be in motion blocks us because we cut off the opportunities that may reveal themselves if we just stopped to listen and to get a feel for what we should do.  And we have to stop believing that if it isn’t happening in the moment that it isn’t happening at all.  THAT is a huge block as well.  It is in those moments when you need to shift.  Like Mel says, shifting from fixing to creating.  That opens a new way of looking at it because you’re changing the intention.

We all have moments when we feel broken.  We feel defeated and like we can’t possibly go on.  That is your body and your mind letting you know you need some rest.  You need a chance to recoup and move forward.  Take that time to recharge and listen to what comes next.  You aren’t broken—you’re drained.  Maybe unfocused or even unsure—but you’re not broken.  You’ve just blocked yourself.  And remember, you’ve been in that position before (we all have) and you can get out of it.  We all get a little stuck sometimes.  Look for the tools and build yourself a new way.   

“There are do-overs in life—you get one every morning,” Mel Robbins.  We aren’t meant to be perfect.  We are meant to be in a state of constant learning and adaptation.  That is simply how the world, how nature works.  My anxiety leads to a lot of controlling behaviors and, while I know logically that I can only control myself, my incessant need to soothe my fears make me control outward situations and people—or try to.  We all want our lives to look a certain way and I know first hand that if you want something, you have to do what it takes to get there.  For example, you can’t simply wish to be successful, you need to put in the work to create.  You have to define what success looks like to you, and you have to meet your own metrics and expectations to determine if you’ve met your goal.  I’ve personally taken it to the extreme at times and that control has bled into areas it shouldn’t have. 

But that is the beauty of this quote.  Nature doesn’t get disappointed in us—that is our ego and our training to believe that if we don’t succeed the first time around that we are failures.  If we fail to meet our own metrics, we have the ability to adapt and try again or we can change the metric.  Nothing has to be static.  We get to take the opportunities that don’t go our way to learn and go the way they are meant to be.  Even if it isn’t a “failure,” we are fortunate enough to decide we want something different and to try a new way.  WE DECIDE.

There’s a line in Bittersweet Symphony from The Verve that says, “And I’m a million different people from one day to the next,” and it hits so beautifully true.  We live our lives based on beliefs we were either taught or picked up somewhere and we don’t often look at the source.  Human nature is to go with the crowd so we don’t feel lonely and don’t make waves.  But when we look at the context and realize what is and isn’t of our own doing, we start to question our ability to adapt.  We are meant to be adaptable and flexible and to learn.  That is why each day is different.    

The point is even if we don’t succeed in what we set forth for ourselves on one day, we are given the gift to try again the next.  Creating our lives isn’t a destination but so many of us decide to stop moving one day.  We achieve the minimum of what is set for us or we believe the next step is out of reach so we get complacent.  We get fearful.  We lose faith—in ourselves and in the universe.  But those rumblings of our true nature won’t let us rest.  We can either heed them or hide from them. When we listen to our true nature, we are answering the call and we know the magic of following the path laid out for us even if we are the only one to see it. 

Don’t spend too many days wondering what things would be like “if only.”  Recognize the precious gift we have in waking up and live your life to the fullest.  Take advantage.  That is the thrill of life—trying things out.  There is too much pressure and value put on routine.  I will caveat that with there is a time and a place for routine but the secret is to make it our own.  Don’t wait for someone to tell you when to go to bed and when to wake up and drive to work and sit behind a desk for eight hours a day and then drive home and not work on your own dreams.  Before you go to bed, find a way to carve out time for yourself the next day.  Plan out and make room for the pieces of you that need to be expressed.  When you wake up, do it with intention and love and gratitude.  And take the step toward your life.   

“Our identities are open systems and so are our lives.  We don’t have to stay tethered to old images of where we want to go or who we want to be.  the simplest way to start rethinking our options is to question what we do daily,” Adam Grant, Think Again.  Change is a beautiful thing.  I feel like I’ve changed a million times since I started this project.  I’ve changed millions more throughout my life.  I’ve tried to shape an identity based on who I thought I was and when that didn’t work, I fell apart and tried another, and another, and another.  I came to the conclusion that there are facets of our personalities that define who we are—but we are never just one thing. 

Humans are complex creatures and we like to put things in boxes because that serve our primal brain Because it simplifies the complex. Being able to determine if something is “good” or “bad” means we know if we are in danger, if it is safe, if we will survive, or if we will die—and that clearly serves a purpose.   We like simplicity and we like perceived clarity even if it’s forced—we like 140 characters or less or 30 seconds or less to get the message across.  But life isn’t like that.  There isn’t always safety in quick decisions.  Yes, things happen and we have to adapt and change on a dime, but one thing we are gifted in this day and age is the ability to take in and interpret a myriad of differences and options and DECIDE for ourselves.

As Grant says, we don’t have to stay tethered to one identity.  What we decided as children doesn’t have to be our fate.  Lord knows that is a good thing otherwise we’d have a surplus of princesses and ghostbusters running the world.  While it may be convenient to decide quickly and early on, it isn’t always realistic.  We have experiences and we learn and grown and assimilate new information.  We evolve.  There are things in life we simply can not decide on without the proper experience.  And there are certain experiences in life that we are meant to have by ourselves because they are meant to determine the trajectory of who we are, to define our unique purpose.          

I’ve preached a lot about flexibility and openness and embracing who we are.  I haven’t always been the best example of it because, like all humans, I have my own doubts and fears.  I enjoy my perceived security as much as the next person.  I love to try things out, but I am weak on the follow through and I am impatient so I often don’t give things enough time to bud into what they are meant to be.  But one thing I AM skilled at is taking in other people’s points of view and understanding how we got where we are.  I am crystal clear on the idea that there is no one right answer when it comes to the human condition.  But I am emphatic that there is a limited set of behaviors that fall into the category of “for the good of all” and I believe that we should behave that way.  But that “should” word gets us all in trouble. 

I digress.  The point is that if you ever feel stuck, know that there are options.  We are not obligated to be one thing our entire lives, no matter who it disappoints or concerns or frightens.  As I said in the beginning, I’ve changed myself a million times.  Little bits of each manifestation have stuck, but I’ve never been only one thing.  Neither are you.  Embrace the multi-faceted, creative, ever-changing person you are.  Explore for a bit and learn something new about yourself.  Learn, adapt, explore, create, repeat.  And do it over and over again until the real you breaks through, all facets shining and sparkling, brilliant and bright as we are all meant to be.  Little stars in our own lives.  When we create our own light, we shine.  We are meant to ignite the world.  Share that light. 

“You could leave life right now so let that determine what you do and say and think,” Marcus Aurelius.  I’ve always been afraid of death.  I know it’s ironic considering I battled self harm for over a decade.  Maybe it wasn’t my death I feared, but the lack of legacy.  Or it was simply the fear of losing those close to me and having to move on without them, not knowing if I could.  I wasn’t trained to find inner strength, I was trained to find my weaknesses and hide them rather than develop them.  I still struggle to believe that I am capable of handling what life throws my way, but I am getting better at accepting that if they are shown to me, it’s a door meant for me. 

When I first read/heard this quote, a pit formed in my stomach.  Heavy like lead, I felt its weight as real as if I swallowed a brick.  My fear of time and never having enough of it ran front and center.  Thinking of how I wasted time and that I haven’t accomplished all I wanted to made me feel weak.  Like, what am I waiting for?  How has so much time gone by so quickly?  If I’m honest, I still don’t like it and it still makes me uncomfortable, but they say that those feelings are messages.  So what really bothers me about it?  It’s my own inaction.  It triggers the knowledge that time IS finite and we don’t know when the clock runs out so it’s time to stop screwing around and do something, anything that will bring me to the next level. 

Looking at the quote in that context, it isn’t quite so morbid.  It’s a reminder to appreciate the time we are given and to take whole advantage of it.  It means that yes, there are sacrifices we have to make in the present in order to get what we want, but if you want that reward, you must go for it.  It also goes to the kind of person you want to be.  Are you someone who gets things done?  Are you someone who expresses compassion and empathy when given the opportunity?  Or are you someone who has a hair trigger and expects the world to give you what you want?  Do you have a fragile ego and feel threatened by other people simply existing?

We get one go round and we never know when that time is up.  We are all waiting in line and when our number is called there is no going back.  Yes, it is still terrifying and slightly morbid, but that shouldn’t deter you from going for what you want.  It isn’t an excuse to say that it’s all futile because we all die.  It’s the impetus to make something worthwhile while you are here.  Take advantage of the opportunities that come your way because if they are there, they were meant for you.  I mean, you can choose to take either path, accepting life as meaningless or giving it as much meaning as you can.  I know this raises the whole half full half empty question, but I truly do think this is where we have to be grateful we have a cup.    

Thinking that all of this is going to end is actually comforting to some.  If we think about money and attaining material things, it is quite comforting to know none of that matters.  When we die, no one is going to check our credit score, so that is pretty damn arbitrary.  That is a standard and a stressor we put on ourselves.  So learn to treat those things like a game.  The truth is we really don’t know for certain what comes after our time here.  But that is also comforting because you can live knowing you did your best and that is enough because the reality is that is ALL you can do.  You have your shot, take it.  Let the knowledge that this all ends some day be a comfort and a motivator rather than a fear or a deterrent from living your best life.  Let it encourage you and take that action.  That’s probably exactly what you need to do so let go of fear, and do it.

Today I am grateful for getting back to basics.  This world provides so much for us and we insert complexity to make it more.  I’m not saying advances in technology aren’t amazing or necessary.  But I am concerned about the pace and the purpose behind some of it.  For example, we are given food and water directly from nature.  We’ve adapted and created mass production.  But we’ve also created pesticides and a slew of other issues.  We have the ability to communicate with each other world wide, but we don’t mind our words.  So, after weeks of pushing and burning the candle at both ends, I slowed down.  I took my time and picked out some good produce to reintroduce meal prep into my life.  I took the time to read and write. AND SLEEP.  I’ve also started taking some me-time again.  Connecting to self is where it all starts.

Today I’m grateful for my health.  As I mentioned above, I needed to get back to basics.  I quite literally bought food from the Earth instead of packages, and I’ve been working out a few days a week again.  Reclaiming and sustaining my physical health has helped ease the mental strain I’ve been under.  I will say the resilience of the human body and mind is unbelievable.  I’m not short of trauma responses or defense mechanisms—but I appreciate everything my mind and body have endured and taken me through.  I’m learning to love taking care of this vessel. 

Today I am grateful for spontaneous projects.  We’ve been a little lackluster on finishing details on the house and this weekend I decided we could at least paint one room.  We had paint leftover from when we fixed up our townhouse so we used that to finish our living room.  It was a wonderful time to reconnect and put my focus on something other than my spinning thoughts.  It was also really nice to get something done around the house.  I also found the perfect chair for my office so it completely feels like mine now.  It feels more like home putting those finishing touches in, the touches that are mine.  I’ve been feeling some imposter syndrome since we moved in, so it feels comforting to settle in.

Today I am grateful to adapt.  We’ve had issues with our refrigerator since we moved in and today the water line started leaking.  We knew it was coming, we just didn’t expect it today.  But all things happen for a reason and we simply started moving forward with working on getting a new refrigerator.  I’m looking at it as another opportunity to make the house ours. 

Today I am grateful to witness the innocence of my child.  One of the groups I follow drew a card about connecting with our inner child as a way to spark joy and to inspire creativity.  While we were painting, I watched my son turn paint stirrers into swords so he could “rescue” me, I watched him curl up on my chair and pretend to wake up to “go to work in the morning” and greet the day with a, “What a beautiful day,” and I watched him, and I watched him play with a vintage record player from one of my friends and he asked me to sing for him and he told me one of the songs reminded him of me.  There is something so pure in the infinite possibility of life.  A reminder that joy comes from how we look at things, not what happens.  Kids are amazing at practicing life.  Why do we ever teach them to forget?

Today I am grateful for time with my family.  This is not a new one, but I will always express it.  I got to spend time with my parents today (we watched the dog play in the yard and talked about the future), I got to talk to my sister for about an hour (it’s been longer than I care to admit since we’ve talked), and I got to work on my house with my husband (creating what we want).  It’s all about being intentional and planning out what your goals are.  For a long time I didn’t acknowledge how lucky I am to have these people in my life.  Now I’m much more intentional about spending time and going out of my way to make time to be together. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

“Sometimes you need to take a break from everyone and spend time alone to experience, appreciate, and love yourself,” Robert Tew.  Following up on our discussion of solitude as an anxiety remedy, I want to remind you that there are times you need to separate from the crowd simply to reconnect to yourself.  This is something I had to do personally over the last few weeks.  The amount of input from people around me was simply too much.  All of the opinions and feedback and people needing things with no consideration for returning got to be too much.  We all carry heavy burdens and when the demands outweigh the ability to recharge, the balance is too far gone. 

We are absolutely powerful creatures and we have the ability to shape our lives.  The more we appreciate those abilities and recognize them for what they are, the more we are able to appreciate ourselves.  The day to day world has gotten more and more chaotic over the last few years.  That isn’t to say chaos never existed, but we are a culture in hyper drive, always connected and always on.  The beauty of being connected to each other is that we can share in ways we never have before.  But that connection does have a cost.  We feel the pressure to always be on top of things and to constantly consume.  We aren’t designed to bring in and fill our minds with extraneous details day after day, stressors of the world, or compete and compare 24/7.  We are designed to co-create and build.  There has to be a balance between input and output and we take in far more than we produce.  Marie Forleo has an entire philosophy about producing before consuming and it is true.  We have to discharge the uncomfortable feelings inside of us and deflect those around us in order to connect with the energy of creation inside.  We are meant to bring ideas to life and to share them.

Sitting with ourselves can be a scary thing.  I know when I’m quiet with my thoughts, I feel surges of energy that I confuse.  I mean, I feel like I can do anything and I want to harness my mind but then I feel like I can run 10 miles and make meals and play with my kid and run the world.  It’s chaotic and overwhelming.  This is where the ability to discern what needs addressing first comes in.  I still get scared at this point and the urge to control comes in.  I struggle to decide what to do first.  While I feel like I can do anything, I have a hard time seeing where to start.  And there are days I disappoint myself either from not taking advantage of the energy or from starting too many things and not seeing them through.  I’m working on not taking it too hard and forgiving myself for mismanaging that energy.  But it’s hard to see it for what it is when I want to get results.  I know I’m not alone in this.

So one thing to look for is where the energy is coming from.  Is it genuinely a surge of inspiration that you need to act on or is it a compulsion?  A need to move for the sake of movement or is it something that will yield results.  The silence is helpful there as well.  If you’re not sure which way to go, start with thanking your mind for producing so many opportunities.  Then appreciate yourself for the ability to see one of them through.  Then thank the universe for the means to connect and create.  But if you feel like your mind is running rampant simply because it has no focus or you’ve been around too many people or looking at too much social media, then take a moment to do nothing.  Perhaps take the time to start journaling the emotion behind it and find the truth.         

There is peace in solitude and there is comfort in learning what works for ourselves.  Simplicity is key to finding what we really need.  My sister shared a beautiful visualization with me as a grounding exercise.  Imagine your brain is a room that has all of the dials to what happens in your mind and body.  When things get too loud or too busy or even just if there is just too much outside stimulation, pause and go to that room.  Look closely at the dials and start turning down the ones that are too much.  Feel the noise lessening and listen to what remains.  We do have control of what we allow in our lives and that starts with what is in our minds.