A quick note on healing. One of my neighbors made a comment about getting together and she said, “no littles were allowed,” referencing my son. It’s not the first time this has happened and I got angry. She doesn’t know what I went through to bring my kid into the world. I did not have a child to let him raise himself. SO. I drew some cards and they said the greatest experience of freedom is in letting go of what others think of me. And I’m worthy of feeling good and the universe works fast when we’re having fun.
Those cards were a perfect reminder (and perfectly timed) that our timing is just different. We are allowed to be at different points in our lives. She can think what she wants—it doesn’t change MY life. She had kids early, we did not. We explored and spent time with each other and learned what we wanted to do with our lives. So yes, she did spend her early years with her child—we are enjoying that time with our son now because these are HIS early years.
After reading the cards, I found myself thinking, “If she can’t accept the whole package, my family including my son, then we aren’t meant to be in each others lives that way. I’m ok with that. This time I am not adapting my life to someone else’s expectations. Certainly not with my son—he isn’t going anywhere. This is who and where I am—meet me or leave me, I’m on MY path.
I’ve spent my whole life trying to be accepted. Bending and contorting for whoever I meet while they took what they needed and never reciprocated. I’m tired of the show. I’m getting off the performance train and I’m being who I am. I know my priorities: me and mine—especially my son.
In the way the universe works, I had a meeting this morning after reading those cards and one of the main people we needed didn’t show up. At first I felt angry—again. I wasted time, energy, and gas getting out there and I didn’t even get a message that he couldn’t make it until after I was there. I’m grateful now, though. It shows me that if I can be dismissed, if I can contort my life to fit and accommodate EVERYONE else, have my time labeled as invaluable, then I can reclaim it. That isn’t tit for tat, but it IS about maintaining boundaries.
I can relax more. I’m living my path and those who want to join welcome. Those who don’t or who don’t respect where I’m at, you need to make way. I don’t need to meet anyone’s expectations or demands but my own. Build my life around MY life. I don’t need to jump at anyone’s beck and call—NO ONE DOES. I have a say in what I allow in my life. Period. And THAT feels amazing.