Anxiety and the Heart

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“Sometimes anxiety is the friction caused by your heart saying, ‘I need you to stop holding back.  I’m ready to open up again,’” Xavier Dagba.  This is my favorite piece.  This is the last piece of the puzzle.  All the things you’ve used to protect yourself for all of those years, all the proving, all the worry, all the fighting can lay in ash around you as you become exactly who you are. This is when you rise up from the ash of what you’ve allowed to burn.   All of that requires an immense opening and allowing for the universe to enter us.  It’s the allowing of who we are to be reflected back to the world.  We aren’t meant to be caged.  We aren’t here to perform for others.  We aren’t here to put on the same show that has been playing for millennia.  We are here with our own intuition, values, love, creativity, hope and all of that needs to be shared with the world.  The heart doesn’t want to be closed.  It doesn’t operate under constriction.  It operates with flow and excitement.  So allow yourself to hear and feel the beat: that is purpose.

Learning to give over to it and follow what it’s telling you is all we are meant to do.  We are born worthy.  We don’t need to prove anything.  Again, that isn’t a lesson we are taught.  We are shown that we need to be accepted in order to move forward.  We are shown that we all have to be the same because that is safe and normal.  We are taught to pull our punches because someone else may be more deserving than we are and we certainly can’t shine our full light on the world because it’s too bright.  We’ve been taught to dim everything, so when the slightest beacon shines through, it’s too much for us.  Ironically we are naturally drawn to people showing their best selves, their authentic selves.  Who doesn’t watch some type of rags to riches reality/competition show?  So why do we hide our own authenticity?  Even if that best version isn’t what the world is ready for, it’s about how you feel.  The world will eventually catch up.

All our innate nature wants is full expression.  Our purpose wants to be fulfilled.  We want to feel happy doing what we are meant to do—we are literally drawn to it every day.  When we depress that portion of ourselves, we feel…you guessed it….depressed.  We learn to be happy by listening to our hearts and souls and learning to trust what it’s telling us.  Let it out.  Don’t hold anything back.  When you don’t allow your full expression to release, it’s like driving a car with your foot on the gas and the brake at the same time.  You’ll keep moving, but you’re going to wear out quickly and you will never find the right rhythm.  You will never find the flow.  Here is the greatest secret we were never taught: there is no need to hold yourself back. It is that simple and that difficult.  For those who feel others are too much, I am sorry you don’t feel enough love and security for yourself to express that same level of self.  Let’s work on that.

We are born with a beautiful guidance system between our heart, our mind, our nerves, and our soul.  All the information we need for our journey is there including what we are meant to do and how to navigate what doesn’t feel right as well as what does.  We are here to remember that guidance system.  As I get in touch with mine and learn to hear exactly what it’s saying, I’m amazed how willingly we give it up.  I mean, I know as a child I practically slashed it to bits in favor of listening to those around me.  I craved freedom to do what I wanted as a reward for doing exactly as I was told.  I kept waiting and waiting for the results I wanted to come—and they never did.  It hasn’t been until very recently and well into adulthood that my eyes opened to the possibility I could take control of my destiny.  And I realized that those people “guiding” me didn’t have the same interests, heart, or goals that I did.  I could no longer prioritize their goals over my own and no one was coming to help me with what I wanted to do. 

It actually was subtle for me at first.  I began to get frustrated repeating the same day over and over.  Then bored.  Then annoyed.  Then angry because no matter what I did to break things up, it was still always the same thing.  Then I started doing some work and looking at my conditioning.  I began to make space for the things I enjoyed doing—and I’m still finding ways to make more time for those things.  It has only recently been that things are taking off and that is because My heart began to SCREAM that it didn’t want to be held back anymore and my soul joined in.  The more I didn’t do what I wanted to do, the more uncomfortable and anxious I felt, and based on what I was reading, I remembered my nature and knew this was distinctly what was described: I wasn’t allowing myself to be who I was meant to be.  So I make efforts every day to get a little bit closer. This is a journey and I know I will continue to find ways to get closer to myself every day until the day comes I am fully me.  Listen to your heart and get closer to who you’re meant to be.

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