Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for honesty and understanding.  I have goals that I’m working diligently to achieve and to some, it may look like a hobby.  But I’m serious about seeing these things through.  Today as I sat and worked on some projects I have for the upcoming week, my husband asked if I wanted him to leave the room.  Normally I say no because I enjoy sitting and talking with him in my office in the morning.  But I know the more I allow my work to be treated as a hobby, the more people are going to look at it as a hobby.  So I agreed and told him this is a super creative time for me and I like to get my thoughts down early in the morning.  He didn’t take any offense to it and he let me get some work done.    

Today I am grateful for clarity and planning the future.  I’ve always been a control freak—and yes we could go into the deep seated psychological issues with it, but it’s a matter of misguided direction in getting what I want/fulfilling my purpose.  With that, it is also an attempt at controlling the wrong things, and the focus on the issue being off.  There comes a time when you’re working toward a goal that you need to remember your focus.  Take your hands off the wheel of the external bs that you have 0 control over and turn inward.  That is where you can take your steps and exert your control.  You have 100% control over the mind and your reactions and how to navigate this life.  You have no say in how others do the same.  So if there is something you want, let go of the attempt to control outside circumstances and work on yourself.

Today I am grateful for connection to self.  I’ve spent the last year working on huge projects.  I’m absolutely blessed to be part of it and I am thrilled to have the opportunity to bring this to my family.  That doesn’t change that it has been a ton of work and it’s exhausting.  In order to get the things we want we have to know where we’re going and I’ve had to make some difficult choices and sacrifices over the last year.  Now as I’m seeing where I’ve made progress (and where I haven’t), I know I need to make some additional choices.  I need to work in a way that functions with my life and my family and find a way to make things work and that means spending time in a way that is conducive to both worlds.  I’m learning to say no where I need to and I’m learning to say yes to what feels right.  That has been a challenge for me because I feel guilty and like I’m letting people down.  But there are times I have to and I can say I’ve been on more than not, so I’m taking a breather for myself.

Today I am grateful for life.  My son lost his first tooth today and I’m dealing with the passing of time—again.  But I am so grateful to be able to witness it and I am thrilled he is growing on a healthy track and becoming such a grown up.  I struggle that he is my only child so all of these firsts are also the last—I spoke about that a few weeks ago when he started school.  We can never guarantee how much time we have and it is so important to be in the moment and appreciate what we have while we have it.  Life is a gift and that is a gross over simplification of the magic we are allowed to partake in while we are here.  We are all living, breathing, miracles and it pains me to think of the time that is gone but I am beyond grateful for what we have coming. 

Today I am grateful for some peace of mind and communication.  I’ve struggled the last few weeks with what to do—what to do with work, my relationships, my career, my family, where I see myself, defining how I want to impact and help people.  I’ve blamed my husband because of his lack of vision and his lack of commitment to what he wants the future to look like.  I’ve blamed myself for thinking we need to repeat the same patterns and being so demanding of answers from everyone.  I’ve blamed being impatient and indecisive.  Overall, I’ve just been crab-tastic.  But today, I sat with my husband and clearly told him how important it is for me that we develop a vision of what we want for our future.  We can’t continue aiming blindly and hoping it will hit something we like.  While we hardly scratched the surface, it felt good to communicate and share the importance of the decision we have to make and the actions. 

Today I am grateful for presence.  With the struggles I’ve mentioned above, being crabby, getting emotional about time again, and frustrated with lack of clarity, I realized the importance of slowing down and getting my bearings.  It’s advice I’ve often shared here.  And it is important to take the time to figure out where you’re at so you can determine where you’re going.  That requires diligence, honesty, and awareness of self.  It means paying attention to how you’re feeling.  Today I took the time to figure that out.  I knew I needed clarity, I knew I needed to stop blaming others, and I knew that I needed to find the discipline within myself to commit to what I want.  I needed to come back to my body and hear what I actually needed: movement, rest, and self-care.  I just needed to get out of my head and de-escalate from the constant state of doing and needed a deep breath and some patience to HEAR instead of talk.   

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

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