Anxiety and Knowing

Photo by Abdel Rahman Abu Baker on

“Sometimes anxiety is the friction caused by your unwillingness to surrender to the knowingness of your heart,” Xavier Dagba.  This one gave me pause for a minute.  Trying to find the distinction between the knowingness of the heart and your intuition or your values is such a fine line.  Because the knowingness of your heart is exactly where intuition and value come from.  But I realized the key in this phrasing is the “unwillingness to surrender.”  As animals we are taught to constantly fight.  We are primed for it all the time whether it is defending our opinions or fighting for our children.  We are taught to be on guard all the time.  We are also grossly misinformed about surrender.  We look at the word and immediately assume it means give in.  Ego doesn’t take that well because ego likes to be right.  We also don’t take it well because that means giving up on what we think we’re obligated to defend.  Who knows, maybe that’s ego too. 

I’m not a fan of surrender.  I’m definitely guilty of the, “I got this,” syndrome only to find myself drowning more often than not.  I’m also guilty of the desire to prove that I can handle anything.  I hate when people see me and assume I’m physically weak, or because I look younger than I am that I’m actually younger than I am.  So I find myself trying to prove something every day and it’s become such a habit at this point that it’s engrained.  I do it without even realizing it.  But as I’m getting older, and I’m taking the time to listen to my heart more, and to trust my intuition more, I’m slowly letting go of the idea that other people’s opinions matter.  Of course I KNOW that, but my mind hasn’t caught up with it yet.  So.  For those reasons, I struggle to let go and just do what works for me because I don’t want people to think I’m a certain way.  But I had to ask myself what happens when I allow myself to fully embrace who I am?  That’s when the magic happens. 

When we give into who we really are and embrace our path, that is a form of surrender.  When we give up the façade of who we were taught to be and become who we are, that is surrender.  When we decide to listen and ACT on what we know, the full power of who we are is unleashed and shared with the world.  And we have to remember that just because things don’t go the way we want them to, that doesn’t mean something better isn’t in the works.  It also doesn’t mean that we won’t eventually get what we want.  Sometimes we just take the long way.  Gabby Bernstein says that surrender isn’t giving up, it’s giving over.  It’s giving over to the idea that there is another way.  It’s giving over to the idea that things are possible even when we can’t see them.  It’s giving over to the idea that we don’t know best and in some circumstances we aren’t meant to.  The times our plans align creates flow.  When they don’t align, we can choose to fight it or we can choose to go with it.

Don’t confuse what your heart KNOWS with what your mind knows.  Our mind works on perception and interpretation.  It can lie to us.  It can create false beliefs if we let it.  Our heart works on intuition and connection with spirit/universe/the divine etc.  So when we learn to listen to our heart, we are learning to hear what the universe has to say.  That can’t be wrong.  All of our training isn’t designed to serve us, it’s designed to serve the system.  So who benefits from you not listening to your own soul?  Everyone else.  This life is about service, not necessarily sacrifice.  It’s about supplying your gift to the world and creating light and hope.  It’s not about giving up who you are in order to say you did what you were told.  We are meant to create and in order to do that we need our connection with the divine.  It’s ok to give in.  It’s ok to surrender.  It isn’t weak.  It often takes the greatest strength to step into who you are.  The more practice you have with listening to your knowing and aligning with your integrity, the easier it is to surrender and give over to your heart.  The answers are always there—we just need to clear the air to hear them. 

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