A Year Gone

Photo by Eugene Shelestov on Pexels.com

I’ve been working a side gig for almost a year now (it will be a year in October) and I’ve been relatively lax about it.  I didn’t embody the full belief in it, I allowed outside interference and fear to distract me, and I quite frankly didn’t want to play ball with some of their directives/operations.  As time has passed, however, I’ve heard more and more of the group discuss how they didn’t take it seriously their first few years and it wasn’t until they adopted the beliefs and practices that they saw real success.  I spoke with my mentor the other day and she reiterated her own experience with delaying jumping on board and that’s when it hit me: she said she didn’t take it seriously for her first few years and she’s a major leader on the team now.  I’ve already been doing this for almost a year now and I’m not much further than I was when I started.

Time goes so quickly and I think I’m understanding my fear of time better than I have previously.  See, it’s not just the passage of time that makes me afraid: it’s the passage of time not spent well. If we are doing things we love and get the results we’re looking for, or if we are assured we are on the right path toward our purpose, the time we spend doesn’t feel like a waste.  I realized how much time I’ve wasted doing things I don’t want to do.  I’ve done them out of fear and out of the need for validation and out of the hope that someone would come along and grant my wishes as I struggled to fulfill theirs.  I’ve wasted time betting I would have more or that I would understand later.  I’ve skimmed books I wanted to dive into because I didn’t think I had time.  I avoided going to concerts and venues and associating with people because I didn’t think I would fit in or I didn’t trust my ability to get there.  I’ve lost trust in people thinking I would do it all on my own (and that I could do it on my own) and I’ve invested in the wrong people thinking they would jump on board and help me. 

When time is spent well, we don’t worry about how much time we have.  When time is spent well, we never question if it was worth it or if we are where we want to be.  When time is spent well we know that all will unfold as it’s meant to and we don’t necessarily worry about the return because we know there is a return whether a lesson or the intended result.  So I think about this past year and it feels like a blink.  Most years feel like a blink now.  And I see that I’ve been fighting for the status quo because I felt like it was the safe and responsible thing to do.  But I see now that it really takes a few moments, maybe even one moment, of total abandon and trust to really get what we need.  To really understand where we are meant to be and to follow through on it.  We are given a finite amount of time and we don’t how how much that really is.

So don’t waste another moment doing something that doesn’t take you on the path meant for you.  Even if it takes time to turn around, make sure you’re doing something to pivot a little bit every day.  Do something that takes you closer to your goal every day.  Eventually the overwhelm and regret will fall away and they need to if you are going to focus on what moves you forward.  Move forward.  There is always still time.  But make sure you remember this lesson: time spent doing something that isn’t for you or isn’t fulfilling to you is the waste.  Time spent doing things you love and that direct you toward your purpose is an investment. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s