Following up on the post from yesterday, I want to talk more about our patterns and how we indoctrinate ourselves practically from birth. There are times I feel so bad for my kid because I try to make him fit into what works for my day. Like anyone else, I’m busy and have checklists a mile long, teams to manage, a household to run, and things I want to do to keep myself as sane as I can. I want to keep things in “order” so I can do all the things I want in a day. Spoiler alert, a five year old doesn’t think like that. He wants to do what he wants in the moment and all that he knows is he wants to play. Of course I find the time to play with him, but is it as much as it should be? Probably not which leads me to the point: why do we think we have to do certain things and why are we so willing to give up what we want to do in order to do something we don’t like? We think we can save the fun for later or squeeze it in somewhere and we willingly live under the idea that the joy it would bring isn’t necessary.
I think when it comes down to it, when the time comes to continue on the path we are told to follow, we don’t know we have a choice. We are indoctrinated with the expected path and the regurgitations of previous generations instead of tapping into our creativity. We don’t even know we can admit the truth: we don’t like what we’re doing anyway! I ask myself why I fight to continue doing things I don’t want to do. Why do I force myself to do something that doesn’t align with who I am? Adversity is a great shaper of character and it teaches us a lot about the direction we need to go in, I get that, but the continual forcing of repeating a pattern I know doesn’t work seems like insanity.
Perhaps the first step is understanding that we can admit these patterns aren’t working for us. Maybe it’s even a matter of simply admitting what doesn’t feel good at first. Then it’s recognizing that we don’t like it. Then it’s recognizing that some things can’t change and making the decision about whether or not that works for us. See, we are indoctrinated with the idea that we need to fit in. We have to find our place in the machine and do as we are told and if we don’t fit then we are “wrong” or “other.” I think those things that make us outliers are the very things that guide us to where we need to be. They are the very things that remind us we aren’t all made for the same path. They are the voice of our souls and we need to re-learn how to listen to them. If we are taught to not trust that inner voice or that it’s not the right time to do what we are told, then we are always waiting for that permission.
Naturally there does need to be some sense of order so we at least manage some decorum with each other, I’m not talking about lawlessness and anarchy. I’m talking about raising up to a new level of acceptance of what is “acceptable” and knowing that it is perfectly normal to not fit in. I’m talking about shifting the perspective of what life is and opening the flow to what it can be rather than restricting ourselves to the daily grind of the same pattern over and over again, never seeing the world, never really connecting with people, never really learning who we are, never really expressing the magnitude of our beings. That isn’t living! That’s a shell of a life. It’s superficial to live on repeat and not actually experience life. I’ve learned that just because you are living doesn’t mean you are alive. Now that I feel this spark, now that I’m not afraid of it, I know I only feel a little potential of what I have inside. But I swear I will nourish it and cherish it with everything in me until it grows into the light I so profess igniting. I’m blessed to feel it and I want everyone to feel it too.