Today I am grateful for family. For the first time in four years the entire family is together. My sister is in from out of state and staying with us and we were all able to get together and spend quality time with all of us under the same roof. I think of the moments that have been lost over the last four years, two because of COVID, and yes, it hurts. But I think of the moments we just created together over this weekend and I am so grateful. They will be remembered forever.
Today I am grateful for the reminder of where I come from. I did some cleaning the other week and I found a tape of an old school project that I had done. I had to interview someone about what it was like growing up in a different era. I chose my grandmother at the time. When I found the tape I couldn’t really bring myself to listen to it. My grandmother has been gone four years now and there are moments it’s surreal. We had a complicated relationship because, as loving as she was, she was also not the nicest of people. Now that my siblings are all together, I decided it was time to listen. Each of us experienced something different, but I know we all appreciated hearing her again. I am grateful for the reminder of a different time, the person she was, and the love she carried in her own way.
Today I am grateful for feeling complete safety. My husband had a really rough day and there is a lot of crap going on for him at work so he is a bit more stressed than usual. He got home and we paused in where we were, didn’t let the fear get us, and we stepped into the little pool we have set up with our son. We didn’t allow panic to overtake, we simply enjoyed each other, together, in the moment. Those moments are so important to reinforce the idea that safety comes from within. We create our little nests, our groups to get us through. Safety is within ourselves and in our network.
Today I am grateful to learn to love who I am. I understand that the greatest experience of freedom comes from letting go of what people think of us. We spend so much time worrying about what we look like and what people think of us that we forget what it really means to make our own decisions. I’d bet it’s safe to say that we never really know what it’s like to make our own decisions. We are given the illusion of freedom under the guise of fitting into a mold, all doing the same thing. When we let go of the idea that others need to give us permission to be who we are, we learn something about ourselves and that is a gift.
Today I am grateful for life. There are so many things we don’t understand. Sometimes we are gifted with a good inkling, others we learn about the connection after the fact. But the truth is we aren’t really sure of the purpose on this floating ball in the middle of space. I wanted the answers, and yes, the curiosity is still there, but I am grateful in this moment to simply be alive and enjoy it. There are so many things we can choose and I am grateful to have those choices and I am grateful to put together the life I envision for myself. I am grateful to have the luxury of figuring out who I am and how to put that in place. I am grateful to feel life in me and witness it around me.
Today I am grateful for ground. I know where I stand and I know who I am, perhaps more than I thought I did. At the same time I’m in this weird place where I’m figuring that out. In spite of all of that, I am grateful to know exactly where I stand and the ground I want to be on, the space I create for myself. I am grateful to have the life I do and the opportunities to create. I am grateful for the experience and the love and the life that I feel. I am grateful for everything that is me.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.