Whim and Will

Photo by Ahmed Aqtai on Pexels.com

A woman shared a story about two kittens she found on an adoption site and how she struggled with whether or not to get them.  She didn’t realize how much she wanted them until she saw them disappear from their site.  After searching a bit more she found them on the site and decided to get them.  After bringing them home, she realized they were a perfect fit for her family.  She ended her story by saying, “Sometimes my whims are your will.”  She was referring to a higher power, but I feel it’s appropriate to any sense—source, energy, universe, spirit, etc.  Any sense of knowing or guidance that we get.  Sometimes the things we don’t understand, the things we get are exactly what we need.    

Her phrasing (my whims are your will) brought me back to those moments when I really wanted something.  The moments I could feel the excitement, I anticipated, I fixated and I obsessed on some things.  I felt guilty about wanting some of those things and others, I completely gave into.  I never considered it was the will of something else compelling me—quite frankly I thought I may have a problem with compulsion 😊.  When I really thought about it, there were whims I know I could have refrained from.   But after reading that piece, I knew I had to reconsider some things.  Maybe things happened exactly as they were meant to.

I thought of the other side of the argument: If I gave into my whims and felt guilty, how often have I denied myself things I really wanted, thinking I would get it another day or I would have another chance?  How many things did I miss out on because I didn’t think it was “really” for me?  How many things did I watch pass me by because I didn’t think I was capable?  Or that I didn’t deserve it?  Ah.  Again, more things to reconsider.  If I felt guilty for getting things and regret for passing things over, then where is the middle?

What good does deprivation do us?  I’m not talking about self-control.  I’m talking about actually denying ourselves things that we know are for our own good or at the very least won’t hurt someone.  What about the things that are supporting our growth?  Or the things that we don’t know will support our growth?  We don’t know until we experience it.  But what good does excess do us?  It creates entitlement and self-serving, unrealistic expectations.  Sometimes we don’t know it’s too much until we experience that as well.   

Then for giggles, I see that I was raised to feel guilty for the things I wanted and even for the things I needed.  Somehow my humanity was made to feel more needy than others and that meant undeserving of anything. Everything needed to be earned.  Again, I was never really deprived of anything—my parents really did care, they were just confused about how to show it.  Living in an environment where I wasn’t truly deprived of anything but simultaneously made to feel guilty created a lot of confusion in my life.  So this quote put things in perspective.  It made me realize that we are human, I am human, and it is ok to have needs/wants and it is ok to even have impulses.  We aren’t meant to be perfect.  We get what we need.  Sometimes that whim is the will of something that will bring you exactly what and where you are meant to be.  Be gentle with yourself.

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