About a year ago I read Jennifer Pastiloff’s book On Being Human and she talks about beauty hunting.  I love the idea of looking for something beautiful every day.  There is so much beauty in the world, beauty that doesn’t conform to any idea of what society says is beautiful.  I’m talking about finding the beauty that speaks directly to your soul…the kind of beauty you know you are meant to recognize and that seems to speak your language.  There is something for all of us. 

I’ve seen it every morning and every afternoon.  Even though I despise my commute, my favorite part is seeing the sunrise and the sunset.  There are colors so brilliant, I can’t help but know that is the work of a higher power.  My mind will wander a bit as I look at the sky and I think to myself, “I wish I could paint that,” and I instantly know that it could never be replicated like that.  I had a similar moment while we were at the grocery store the other night:  there were these orchids so purple they looked fake, like they were almost blue.  They weren’t, but it was something I know no human could replicate.  These colors speak to me, nature speaks to me because I am of nature—as are you.  When there is something in the natural world that makes you stop in your tracks, that is the kind of beauty I’m talking about.

That beauty reminds me of how small I am.  Even the smallest things have a role in this world.  We are there to facilitate something.  On a planet of this scale, to still be the little guys in the universe, that tells me there is something so much more out there.  There is a hand in something.  Or are we all infinite little worlds within something else as it is?  I know those thoughts seem illogical, perhaps erratic, but stay with me.  There is peace in knowing how little we are.  We have built up our small role in this world to carry the weight of the universe.  There are unimaginable things out in the universe—and we get to be a part of that.  We don’t need to take this life so seriously.  Sometimes we are meant to simply slow down and appreciate everything exactly as it is.  Find the beauty in what is.  Not to mention on the cosmic scale of thing with the billions of galaxies out there, statistically our stories may not add up to much.  But that isn’t a reason to find the beauty—it’s a reason to relish it.

We have the opportunity to be here and now and to experience all that THIS life has to offer.  Sometimes we get so caught up in what we’ve trained ourselves to think we need to do as a way to get through this life that we miss the point of existing—which is to experience it.  Yes ambition is great, but sometimes it is too great a burden for a fragile thing.  Now, don’t mistake me, I know we have all endured days when life got the best of us, but the balance is so fragile that finding a way to keep what is important in perspective is key.  Also, knowing that our perspective is self-created is pretty important as well.  If we can train ourselves to believe the negative, we can certainly retrain for the positive.  It just takes work—same energy, different focus.

So I choose to see the beauty.  That doesn’t mean I don’t have moments where I am completely stressed out—that happens quite frequently, actually.  But knowing that I’m creating that stress means I can stop it and I’m getting better at it.  The truth is, there IS a lot of ugly in the world and most of that comes from us.  But the greater truth is that there is so much MORE beauty out there and if we can put aside the noise and focus on that, we will see life in an entirely different way.  So whether it is the sunset, my son laughing at anything, one of my cats curled up on my desk, or enjoying an amazing meal my husband made, THAT is what I focus on.     

“I’ve been here 1000 times, 1001 won’t be so bad,” Dijon.  One more from this amazing artist.  We tell ourselves so many lies, hoping things will be different or improve on their own.  We enter situations with people knowing full well who they are hoping they will be different or that they will finally get it and see things from our side.  We even ignore our instincts and try again or give people chances when we know we shouldn’t.  There comes a time when we have to say, “no more” and do something else.  We’ve gotten colloquially familiar with the adage that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” and we need to know that is true.  If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got. 

It can be scary doing something else, trying something new, or setting boundaries.  We never know how people will react and we are trained to value what people think of us.  We are trained that we need to fit in—that might even be a bit of biological programming—so we ignore what we know in our hearts and souls and repeat the process hoping it will be different. 

There is also a level of discernment required in this conversation.  It isn’t prudent to give up after one try but it isn’t healthy to fixate on it, trying over and over again when a simple adjustment would do the trick.  We need to have a keen enough eye and sense of what is right for us in order to shift gears.  So yes, we may require the lessons of trying something 1,000 times, but on that next shot we can pivot and use the skills we’ve learned to try again…in a new way. I’ve been the girl who tries to make a bad thing work. 

I’ve been the girl who believes more in potential than in reality.  I’ve been the girl giving chance after chance in hopes of getting a little bit of acceptance.  But the truth is, if I had cut my losses sooner and pivoted earlier with the lessons I learned, I would have been a lot further.  I can forgive myself for that because I know that now.  I finally get it.  I also have developed that discernment and know how to set the boundary when it isn’t right for me.  And it’s ok. Not every opportunity is right for us.  We need to find the ones that are ours and embrace them gratefully.

I’ve been given the chance to really practice letting go.  There are so many days that I’m at odds with someone very close to me. They have a tendency to bulldoze my feelings and not take into account how their actions impact me.  They are absolutely a do it and ask for forgiveness later type of person.  That type of behavior works well in some circumstances and it even attracted me to this person.  They never let the opinions of others stop them which is honestly an admirable quality to have. The only issue with this is when it goes on too long and the time for cooperation is needed.

But I want to highlight the main point here which is that people will do what is good for them—and we have no say on that.  We have no say in how people behave or how they react.  All we can do is what works.  But when it comes to practice and having a relationship with someone, we have to learn what works for each other.  And there are some things you have to learn to stop.  You have to just let it go.  Even if it feels uncomfortable, you can decide if you are going to keep running the same circle over and over again or if you are going to try and up your game.  You can either ignore it and do what works for you or you can disengage. 

I’ve been really sensitive about my space lately—it gets overwhelming when you become the repository for everyone else.  It’s frustrating when you have a space that is your own and still feel you have no say in what happens there.  But there is something you do when you make space for the people in your life.  There are things you learn to compromise on.  I’m learning where I have to stop controlling and start stepping into who I am and where I need to stand my ground.  I’m also learning which boundaries I need to keep and where I can be a little flexible.  The latter portion means allowing myself to learn about the preconceived notions I’ve had about things. 

So with letting go, it’s a balancing act.  I’m grateful to learn about my boundaries and what is good for me.  I’m grateful to see the people around me for who they really are.  I’m grateful for the help I’ve been given.  I’m even grateful for the discomfort because it directs me to where I need to be.  It reminds where I need to develop and step up as well as when I’ve gotten off track.  If something doesn’t feel right, it’s a sign that we need to pivot.  I have always allowed others space for who they are and I expect the same thing.  But I know I also need to allow.  So I’m doing my best to ALLOW.

I drew some cards the other day that were about surrender and doing less to attract more.  Gabby Bernstein calls it manic manifesting when we try to get and do all the things at once.  I don’t know if it is partially an ADD thing (welcome to that in your late thirties by the way) or if it is all the mixed messages we get all day all the time that make us spiral and unable to focus.  Maybe it’s a combination of all that plus not being taught how to simply live our lives without outside interference.  But I also want to talk about what it means to surrender.  We’ve had conversations about that before, but stick with me.

I’ve made it abundantly clear that I have anxiety and fears and control issues.  I still think that is part of being naturally driven.  When there is so much you want to accomplish, it’s challenging to do one thing at a time.  When you know you have a high capacity to get things done, it’s easy to say yes to everything that crosses your path.  Learning to discern what is meant for you is really hard because there are days you feel invincible.  Throw in ADD and you can’t tell what you need to address first.  So for me, unpacking this looks like figuring out why I honestly want to do all the things.  Is it a matter of something that is genuinely interesting to me or is it something that I’m called to do?  Is it pride or proving or is it something I want to do?

Over the last week in particular, I’ve been getting a LOT of signs about slowing down.  There are moments I feel when I’ve taken on too much and I need a break, but there are times throughout the day when I feel really good and I know I can do it.  So it is difficult for me to break down what I should really be working on and what I need to let go.  Regardless of that, something is telling me to not take on too much.  To maybe let others do a bit more for themselves and for me.  Ironically, as that happens, my kid gets sick and my husband goes MIA.  That is an entirely different frustrating story, but the signs were there to slow down.  So maybe I’m supposed to learn something else about motherhood and embracing the pause. 

I also need to stop being so fatalistic—or at least stop being so hyperfocused on mortality.  I romanticized drama in my life for a long time, living some twisted Cinderella story where I thought I needed people to come and rescue me.  If my problems were severe enough, I could get someone to help me.  Then that turned into reading into everyday things meaning something awful happening.  So things like my kid getting a cold turn into, “Holy crap, maybe this is more serious and he’s dying and I really need to slow down to enjoy the time with him.”  Yes, I know, it’s insane.  But fatalizing events like that make me prone to take on even more than I should.  I feel like I have to fit in as much as possible while I am here. 

What I’ve noticed though is that starting all of these things with no follow through has gotten me nowhere.  I have stopped my own projects a million times to put my effort into someone else, then tried starring something new for myself.  This is how I end up building other people’s houses while my bricks lay scattered around me.  I can’t be the savior to everyone or the problem solver for those around me and I can’t expect others to solve my issues either.  I need to stop and focus on what I’m doing.  I need to surrender the goal of making everyone happy and take on the goal of solely focusing on my purpose.  I am too old to have a house unbuilt while I’ve been graced with the tools around me.  It’s time to shift the focus on my construction—and not building someone else’s plans on my foundation.  So that is how it begins.  Give over the ideal of being everything to everyone and simply address one thing at a time.  How can you let go today?

I want to talk about expectations and trust next.  After realizing that I have been holding back, I dug a little deeper into my own background to find ways that it may be easier for me to jump in.  I really looked at my history and my relationships to see why I always cut out early and why I never really let it all out with people.  It started with my parents—specifically my mother.  I watched her struggle to manage four kids and multiple jobs and the exhaustion on her was palpable.  I never understood why she was so strict with time as a child but I certainly picked up the habits and I never wanted to make her more upset or inconvenienced than she was.  I gave up extra time with my friends so she could be in bed at 8:30pm.  That was how it started.  I didn’t want to upset anyone. 

That behavior grew and grew until I developed my own phobias with time and I found myself getting angry if my schedule wasn’t adhered to.  If I set an expectation with someone that I would be there by a certain time, if I wasn’t, I felt like I let the whole world down.  And then people didn’t respond the same way I did either to time (if they didn’t show up on time it wasn’t a big deal) or if they didn’t do their part of the assignment I would certainly do it because I didn’t want a bad grade.  THAT morphed into something else.  I started noticing human behavior in general, which is fairly manipulative.  My nature is to be incredible straight forward so when I say I’m upset, I mean I’m upset.  If I’m getting anxious I am—there is nothing postural or attention seeking about me and my feelings—what you see is what you get.

I’m like that with my expectations as well.  When I set out to do something with someone, I expect them to pull their weight.  I don’t want to have to ask and I don’t want to have to explain what their role is.  And maybe part of that expectation is unrealistic. In my 9-5 for example, I expect that you come in and know your function.  You don’t need my permission to turn on your computer or log into the phone etc.  We were all hired for a reason and I expect you to fulfill your end.  And this behavior started showing me my patterns with trust.  We’ve all been taken advantage of at some point and we’ve all had our trust broken.  But for me, so much of that trust was broken initially by those closest to me.  When those who are supposed to care for you and love you aren’t honest with you and don’t support you as you need, you learn early on that you can’t trust anyone. And the idea of social constructs is lost on you because any genuine intent is seen as fake and the fake intent is seen as genuine.  But then you start to feel it.  You can tell when someone is off even if their words are saying they are genuine. 

So that is another level.  Much of our society is now based on image and presenting a façade to people and selling an idea to them.  I don’t want to be sold.  I was raised old school with the idea in business that your word is bond.  When you are paid for a service, you deliver and it’s that simple.  But now we are in an age where we pay for ideas.  We pay for what things look like and concepts over what they do and reality.  We don’t think long term about what the repercussions are of using people and glorifying things.  And that is where we are sick as a whole.  Until we realize that our relationships are more valuable than our things, we will never break the cycle and we will never be able to live with real trust.  And trust is a crucial part of security. 

So as I’m trying new things and learning to lean in, I have to understand that not all of what I see is fake—nor is it all real.  But there is still value in leaning in and learning what I can.  Some things I see aren’t a ploy even though we are specifically being taught to sell.  The key is to get behind something you really believe in so it isn’t a gimmick.  And it is like that with life.  Anything we do that is aligned with who we are will feel forced and fake.  So learn to discern what matters to you because the rest will most certainly give you a feeling of being off.  Take the lessons and the pieces that apply and learn to cultivate what matters.  For me it is authenticity.  That means being more real and open than I am comfortable with at times, but if my story can help someone, then that is something I’m willing to do. I’m just learning to manage my expectations of people and how they react to me because that is something I can’t control.  But I can control how I react and what I participate in.  So that is my focus—fixing a little bit of history at the same time.

I’ve been learning a new role for some work that I’ve taken on the side and I’ve been measured in what I’ve taken on for a lot of what I thought were logical reasons.  I have a lot of obligations outside of this new gig (as we all do) and I’m taking my time in adding new responsibilities to my life.  Plus I’ve reconsidered a lot of what I want to do and I’m getting better at setting boundaries with what I’m willing to take on.  After all, it is my time and I do have a say in how I spend it.  But I never considered if I felt that way simply because I wanted to control how I spent my time.  While most of that is absolutely practical and logical, there is always a part about control.  Like, we hold ourselves back from fully committing because we don’t know what we will get.

So I had a conversation with a woman I work with and she made the comment about leaning into what we are doing and embracing it.  Her tone woke me up to something inside of me.  I realized that I was trying to avoid commitment in order to keep my options open.  I avoid going all in because I don’t want to end up responsible for something I don’t want to do again.  That has happened too many times in my life and, in truth, that is something I refuse to do.  I will not put myself in a position where I am left holding the bag for someone or where I am responsible to someone else’s dreams before my own.

But what dawned on me is that I have ALWAYS held back for that reason.  Yes, I definitely have been taken advantage of before and who likes putting in effort for no return?  But I intentionally never went all in because I didn’t want to deal with the consequences of cleaning something up on my own if it wasn’t what I really wanted.  I’ve learned that life doesn’t work like that.  In order to get anything out of it, we have to go all in regardless of the return.  The truth is, even if the return doesn’t look how we think it should, we are still getting something out of it.  We are always learning.  Any fears I may have about “wasting” time or things not being done at the right time are unfounded—and I’ve always had this weird anxiety with time.  In high school I literally wouldn’t go out to someone’s house after school because I knew my mom wouldn’t pick me up after a certain time of night.  I missed the “after audition” for orchesis because I was too tired.  In college I had a four hour once a week med term class that I would always leave halfway through because I couldn’t convince myself to stay until 9:30 at night.  I mean, I also already knew 90% of that material, but I left because of the time.  The same at parties..unless it was at my house, I would always leave early.  That is neurotic.

The universe works in mysterious ways until it gives you signs so blatant you can no longer miss them.  My conversation with my co-worker/mentor was that sign for me.  I realized that there is no reason to continually leave the party early.  Or not fully engage in what I’ve decided to take on.  There will always be things in the world that we don’t want to do—or parts of things we don’t want to do.  We have to learn that it’s all part of the sandwich so to speak.  But when we fully lean in, that is when we get the most out of it.  And yes, you may feel ridiculous learning something or doing something for the first time—you may end up not even liking it—but you can say you tried it.  You may even surprise yourself.  So I’m leaning in and I will take on what I can to move forward.  I will learn the lessons and apply them.  That is what it’s all about.   

Today I am grateful for the ability to align with the universe a bit more.  Yesterday my husband had a conversation with a family member and it really triggered me because there are similarities in his behavior.  We discussed it and I told him my concerns, and as soon as I was done, I heard a voice say, “Her story is not yours.”  Instantly calm washed over me.  I picked up a book I’m reading and within a few pages, the line, “Their story is not mine,” popped up.  I immediately started laughing.  The universe teaches us to redirect in funny ways sometimes—or not so funny but more direct ways 😊.  The point is to listen—and I heard that loud and clear last night and I trusted the message I heard was real only to have it confirmed in the book.  I drew some cards this morning and they all talked about releasing fear and aligning with love.  The universe is love—we just need to remember that.

Today I am grateful for timing.  Continuing on with alignment, the universe has a way of letting us know what to prioritize.  My health is better than it was a year ago, but I still have work to do.  My husband has done an amazing job at cutting out some of the bad habits he had, specifically with sugar, and he has seen amazing results.  As we were talking yesterday, I found myself thinking, “this is an area that I need to stick with as well, he’s doing a great job.  He’s showing me how to stick with it.”  Later, our neighbors contacted us asking if we wanted to take some workout equipment from them.  We had been volleying back and forth for a while on whether or not to buy some equipment to keep moving forward, and then they come through and offer it to us.  Love how the universe works!

Today I am grateful to acknowledge the habits I’ve had that were created in fear.  I’m grateful for this because I see where I’ve been holding myself back and need to make some changes.  I see how what I thought was protecting me really was created as a way to hold onto something that needed to be released.  I see how the habits I have around people and what I do in my home are designed to keep me “safe” but they have done me more harm than good.  I understand those fears (and they still pop up constantly) were the result of trauma and the fear of loss.  I also understand that life moves in ways that can be painful at times.  We never think we are ready and we are pushed, or we think we can’t live without someone/something and they/it are taken away.  But habits that stem from that fear place aren’t good for us and time moves on no matter what we do.  It isn’t personal, it is the nature of life—or the life of nature.  So we can get on board or we can fight it—but we know what is easier.

Today I am grateful for knowing who I am.  I’ve spent a lot of time uncomfortable with setting boundaries or voicing my opinion to not be heard.  But as I work through the journey of learning who I am, I know I need to learn when what I need is no longer being served. 

Today I am grateful for the reminder to be patient.  I have a lot of expectations in this life and there are times I push too hard.  I don’t deal well with things not working how they “should” or going to plan, but I am so grateful for all of the reminders to keep being patient, to keep learning to accept.  That has been one of the most difficult journeys for me by far, but I am grateful that I am given chances to figure out what I need to do in a way that works for me.

Today I am grateful for new opportunities.  Along with being patient and reminders of who I am, the opportunities that I have been given have been waiting for me as well.  We repeat the same lessons until we learn them.  I know what is meant for me, and it is time to honor that gift and those opportunities by seizing them and seeing them through.  I am grateful for the patience of the universe to see those opportunities through.  

Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead.

We all have feelings that come up and we feel like we can’t control them.  I’ve always spoken about allowing them to happen but not letting them control us because when we experience them, we aren’t always aware of what is actually happening.  Sometimes it has nothing to do with us.  I was at work the other day and preparing some space for our move.  I had a question about a personal item that wasn’t anyone of ours and my coworker responded with agitation, stating she needed to get her work done and asking why I was doing this now.  My immediate feelings were anger and frustration.  I didn’t understand why she was reacting so hostilely.  I told her it wasn’t that big of a deal and that it was something I didn’t want to wait until Friday for because it involved someone else and I wanted to give them time to get their stuff.  She later apologized for snapping at me and I told her my boss had asked me to do it—and planning moves isn’t something you can do last minute.

Shortly after that, I went to pick up my son and had a conversation with my mom that set me off.  For the record, I didn’t react to her in the moment, but as I thought about it, I realized I was sitting with some deeper stuff.  She told me that she had spoken with my sister and my sister got some really great news and I felt jealousy about it.  And then the conversation turned toward planning our holiday and my mom let me know she asked my sister about preparing something that I hadn’t asked her to do yet.  The combination of being questioned about what I was doing at work, my sister succeeding, and then my mother taking a step she didn’t need to made me feel like it was “yet another” circumstance where my judgement was being questioned and how I run things wasn’t good enough.  That’s when it clicked: this had nothing to do with what she did, it was how I was feeling about what she said.

I wasn’t angry as I initially thought, I was insecure and I felt unsafe and I was hurt.  As a leader and perfectionist, I naturally want to control and I don’t like it when people circumvent me…which, no lie, happens a lot.  My demeanor must come across as someone that isn’t doing enough or isn’t competent or isn’t worried enough about things.  Or maybe THAT is my fear—that I look like I’m not doing enough.  And honestly, I understand where that my disconcert people, but I won’t change it.  I refuse to let the fear of others seep into my life.  My job is to run the show as smoothly as I can, not to jump at everything that comes my way.  It’s my job to determine what the problem is and to address it accordingly.  So I don’t like the implication I’m not doing my job when I don’t jump to someone’s demands. 

The more I dug into this, I realized that I’m also frustrated with being held to a different standard.  I’m highly intuitive and I pick up on what other people feel—I’m an empath so I feel where people are coming from and I understand it…but I don’t often feel that reciprocated.  It’s painful to feel misunderstood and to be expected to handle all of my shit alone on top of everyone else’s.  I also don’t want to react or behave like other people.  I don’t want to behave how they expect me to because I need to live to my expectations.  I understand that if we are going for something different/trying something different, people will resist.  But that doesn’t give them the right to ignore the humanity inherent in all of us.  And they don’t need to live to my expectations either, but there are certain things in healthy relationships that happen and that includes directly addressing each other.

The biggest point is I don’t like feeling dismissed or ignored and this is a huge point of contention for me. Is it ego or is it a “valid” feeling.  I’ve tied my worth to being heard and respected and appreciated—that is on me.  But I don’t like the feeling of being overlooked and ignored, even after I expressed the need to be heard.  I am open enough to allow space for people to express themselves, I want the same for me.  So…do I stay in these environments where I am completely overlooked?  Or do I check the ego?  I’m not using anyone to fill what is missing within me and I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I refuse to let myself be used to do that for anyone else. 

So, we need to remember that what we are initially feeling may not be what we are really feeling.  I’m working on that.  Creating space for grace and allowing people to express themselves without internalizing it ourselves is a huge step.  When I felt ignored and dismissed by both my mother and coworker, the act didn’t make me angry—it triggered my fear of being isolated and unheard.  What reactions do you have that aren’t what they seem?  How can you dig deeper and identify what it really is?   

“You can change your mind now but you can’t change your decision,” Dijon.  This just speaks to my soul on so many levels and if you’re here, I think it will speak to you too.  At so many points in my life I’ve wanted to go back and do things differently.  I wanted the outcome to be different and I just thought if I kept thinking it over and over again I would have the opportunity to change it.  The truth is we can’t change what was, that is something we all agree on and understand.  But you can always change your mind and make a new decision going forward. 

In life there are going to be things we wish played out differently.  For me, there is a strong emotional attachment to wishing I could fix something or make it how I envisioned it in the first place.  I spent a lot of time trying to convince people to see things my way and to do it how I felt was appropriate because I was trying to avoid getting hurt.  And there are times I wish it was different because I voiced my opinion and it was ignored only for the scenario to play out exactly as I said it would if we didn’t do something…and then I was expected to fix it.  But I’ve learned to not regret doing things that help others as much as it hurts when those people only have negative things to say.   

We can’t control other people but we can control ourselves and we all reach a pivotal moment when we have to decide if we are going to continue spending time making people see things our way and forcing them to do things or if we are going to let it lie and start making decisions that make sense for us.  All of the moments I decided to do something hoping for an outcome, or when I did them hoping people would see me a certain way or even reciprocate, it blew up in my face.  I wasted years like that.  THAT is my biggest regret: the time lost to wishing for things that never would have played out a different way anyway.  I regret not making decisions for myself sooner and taking the safe path because that doesn’t always work out—and even if it does work out, you’re still limited by the people who designed the path. 

So.  Make the choices that suit you—I’m not talking out of selfish reasons or with manipulation in mind, but because we have one life and it is too damn short to waste making a decision that doesn’t move you forward somehow.  I’m not saying there aren’t lessons to learn and of course we all need help every now and then.  But do not make a decision hoping for an outcome that people aren’t capable of giving you.  You have to learn to manifest that outcome yourself.  And we all have the power to do that.  When we are in touch with our purpose and aligned with the actions that get us there, it flows differently.  So don’t regret that you can’t change your mind over what is gone, rather celebrate that you can change it again and start over.    

I wanted to talk about a different experience I had recently.  I’ve been looking into meditation to help with a few different things—calming my anxiety, increasing faith, improving patience, keeping me centered, helping me focus etc.  I’ve always struggled with meditation because of the whole controlling my mind thing—my mind goes in so many directions and I know that nearly everyone struggles with that at first.  Regardless, I found one the other day about cord cutting.  I’ve actually had one experience with that before during my massage therapy days and it wasn’t something I thought I would do again because it didn’t feel that effective and it certainly wasn’t that long lasting.  But after the experience I had the other day, I can say that I probably wasn’t ready for it the first time. 

So, for anyone who isn’t familiar, cord cutting is when you look to the energetic cords that tie us to specific individuals.  It’s said that we all have these cords tying us to everyone and they vary in their strength depending on the relationship.  When there are unhealthy habits or when the energy is no longer serving, we have the option to cut the cord and sever that specific energetic tie to that person or at least significantly alter it. 

Now onto what happened this time around.  So I found it and there was something in the description that immediately drew me to it.  It wasn’t anything specific in the words, honestly, but when I read it I knew I had to try it.  I saw that it was three minutes so I thought to myself, “Great, I can literally do this now before work.”  So I did.  The person that I thought of is someone that I get pretty codependent with at times and I have known for a while I need to fix that.  When the meditation started with the visualization of the cord, I actually felt it.  It spread nearly my entire abdomen and straight to my chest.  When the actual cutting visualization took place, I felt the pressure release.

After it was done, the feeling of the cord, like an umbilical, felt so strong in my chest, I couldn’t believe it.  I felt it for hours afterward.  It wasn’t even the cut, I could still feel the weight of what remained attached to me energetically.  I have every ounce of faith in the energy of the universe and I have no doubt it exists, but I will fully admit that this was the first time I felt something so physically real.  That is a powerful spiritual thing and a perfect demonstration of how we have the power to shift our focus.

I don’t claim this will work for everyone, but I will most definitively say that this was one experience that felt significant.  There was an undeniable visceral feeling with the visualizations.  For someone who doesn’t meditate and who didn’t have a stunning experience the first time around, this changed something in me.  It’s these types of experiences that personally make me want to keep going down this avenue.  There ARE things that work, sometimes we just have to work to find the right one for us. This one in particular is something I may try again as these things need to be repeated—and when we find something that works, it’s good to stick with it.  What is something you’ve tried that is “out there”?