“I’ve been here 1000 times, 1001 won’t be so bad,” Dijon. One more from this amazing artist. We tell ourselves so many lies, hoping things will be different or improve on their own. We enter situations with people knowing full well who they are hoping they will be different or that they will finally get it and see things from our side. We even ignore our instincts and try again or give people chances when we know we shouldn’t. There comes a time when we have to say, “no more” and do something else. We’ve gotten colloquially familiar with the adage that “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results,” and we need to know that is true. If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you always got.
It can be scary doing something else, trying something new, or setting boundaries. We never know how people will react and we are trained to value what people think of us. We are trained that we need to fit in—that might even be a bit of biological programming—so we ignore what we know in our hearts and souls and repeat the process hoping it will be different.
There is also a level of discernment required in this conversation. It isn’t prudent to give up after one try but it isn’t healthy to fixate on it, trying over and over again when a simple adjustment would do the trick. We need to have a keen enough eye and sense of what is right for us in order to shift gears. So yes, we may require the lessons of trying something 1,000 times, but on that next shot we can pivot and use the skills we’ve learned to try again…in a new way. I’ve been the girl who tries to make a bad thing work.
I’ve been the girl who believes more in potential than in reality. I’ve been the girl giving chance after chance in hopes of getting a little bit of acceptance. But the truth is, if I had cut my losses sooner and pivoted earlier with the lessons I learned, I would have been a lot further. I can forgive myself for that because I know that now. I finally get it. I also have developed that discernment and know how to set the boundary when it isn’t right for me. And it’s ok. Not every opportunity is right for us. We need to find the ones that are ours and embrace them gratefully.