I recently pestered my husband with the classic, “Are you ok?” when I habitually asked it twice in a really short period of time.  He said, “It makes me angry when you do that.  How many times are you going to ask me within 5 minutes?”  And I truly understood, what he said wasn’t wrong.  So I told him I needed a minute and I really did some reflection by going upstairs and taking some time alone.  I am too wound up in him and I need some separation in general.  It struck me that I’m always looking for ways to take care of him, to move through something that is “wrong”, and to fix something.  I’m always prepared for my life to fall apart and I don’t know how to enjoy it.  So I do appreciate him snapping when it comes to that revelation.

During that evening alone, I realized a few other things too.  Like I’m always asking him if something is wrong because I’ve set the tone it’s my job to fix things.  Like I’m so conditioned to be dealing with crisis that I automatically expect everything to be bad.  Like I’m conditioned that way from previous events in our relationship that he will never acknowledge.  Like he will never recognize his role in the trauma he caused in my life. Like I need to worry more about if I’M ok and start addressing that over his concerns.  He takes care of himself. 

That latter part bothered me as well.  We’ve been together 20 years and he still feels the need to keep that facet of his life separate.  He will take care of himself over the family every time.  It made me angry for a long time.  I can accept that I need to take better care of myself instead of focusing on him.  I’m not his mother.  I used to say that in the context of me “having” to fix things but now I say it in the context of I need to take care of myself and he is a grown man.  He will figure it out whether it looks how I think it should or not.  He doesn’t need me and I need to make myself stronger so I don’t need him in the same way.  I’ve still been in the damsel in distress mode when I needed to remember what I was capable of. 

I also need to remember that as I grow, he is growing too.  It doesn’t necessarily mean we are growing together and only time will tell on that.  But I KNOW I will not be gaslit into believing that these energetic shifts aren’t happening.  I can see them and I can feel them.  Those moments of needing to be apart more and looking for other outlets and other people.  The silent phone conversations where we really don’t have much to say.  Or the distracted conversations where he pretends to be interested.  We are changing and our needs are different.  I HAVE to allow that.  It isn’t his job to jump up and fill in where I am lacking, even if I did that for him.  It’s my job to take care of myself and develop who I am.  Wherever the cards fall, that is where they are meant to be. 

So in the context of “OK,”  I’m sort of alright.  I feel good and I really have no animosity toward him.  It hurts, yes, but I can keep it in perspective.  This is one of those things that I will need to work on correcting for myself.  I’m highly sensitive so I know when something is wrong even if it isn’t major.  But I have to accept that even if something IS wrong, I may not be the one needed to fix it—even if I can.  It’s about backing out and finding where I am needed and when.  I can be the savior to everyone, but they may not need me—and that is ok.  I know I’m not alone in this behavior.  So…what can we do for ourselves to find our center again?  What will make us ok?

“What has to die in your life for what you are creating to be born?” Deepak Chopra.  I love this.  I’ve been speaking to the intense changes happening in my life right now and this is so appropriate to my experience.  I’ve learned that the first thing that has to die is the idea that you can be everything to everyone and make everyone happy.  I’ve spoken many times about living in multiple worlds at once and trying to keep both balanced and how it feels like straddling a track that is diverging.  We can’t keep a leg in both worlds forever—we get stretched too thin and then nothing gets done.  Or we build resentment because the things that get done aren’t in support of our goals. 

The second thing that has to die is the idea that doing as you’re told will get you anywhere if it isn’t something aligned with your goals.  I spent so much of my life doing exactly what I was told because I was raised with the belief that good things would come if you followed the path laid out in front of you.  I was raised to believe that your dreams would come true if you did the “right” thing at all times.  What I learned is that, yes, life does sometimes throw you a bone if you’re “good” to people.  But the reality is, if you’re doing what you’re told, you’re following a system designed to benefit itself.  There is only so much room at the top in a place like that.  In order to progress in your life AND feel fulfilled, you need to do what is aligned with you. 

The third thing that has to die is the guilt of doing what is right for you.  Right in line with doing what we’re told, is the belief that we are bad or selfish if we do what is right for us.  It is SO uncomfortable the first few times you set boundaries and do what you need to do.  When I first tried it, I took it as a sign that I wasn’t meant to have those types of boundaries.  In reality, I just needed more practice.  The guilt was so engrained that I couldn’t tell the difference between a sign and training.  So I flexed my wings.  I KNEW what I needed to do and that is what kept me moving forward.     

The fourth thing that has to die is any misconception that you can’t do it.  We all have a calling and if there is something that you know is for you, then you CAN do it.  You wouldn’t have the idea if it wasn’t meant to be brought forward by YOU.  We aren’t always trained to hear the whispers telling us what our gift is, but we are meant to re-train ourselves and answer that call.  Self-doubt will kill any dream long before someone else does.  So step up and get that nasty voice in check. 

The last thing that has to die is your plan.  I know that seems counterintuitive, especially when I’m talking about following “that” voice.  I’ve learned first hand that the voice is an excellent guide and the purpose behind it is true.  However, the plan we have in place to do achieve that may not always be the plan we are meant to follow.  Believing that things have to look a certain way only hinders you from allowing them to BE what they are meant to be.  Along with this is allowing the version of you that you thought you’d be die as well.  It’s painful because we tie our hopes an expectations to that person.  I honestly think that was the most painful part because that girl did her best every step of the way and carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and just wanted to be recognized.  I let her know I respected her and appreciated everything she did and that I would always carry her with me.  And then I let her rest.

Death is absolutely an ending and it can be terrifying.  But it can also be one of the most liberating things in the world.  Every year, we watch the seasons come in and out and we don’t fear that the next one won’t be there.  We allow it and accept all of the things that come with those transitions.  So death is also the beginning.  In nature, that is often the case.  So greet death as a friend.  Appreciate what you have while it is here and know that what is coming will be greater.  Know that you have it in you to move forward and take on the next steps.  Allow your death and greet your new self with open arms.    

“Effort is important but knowing where to make an effort makes all the difference,” via warrenbuffetquote. This is akin to our car’s engine breaking down and we worry about fixing the tires.  All of the effort in the world will mean nothing if it isn’t focused where it needs to be.  The world is filled with distraction and will always test you when it feels like you are well on your way.  There are things designed to tempt you and all of those things serve someone else’s bottom line.  We settle for what is deemed “safe” and we turn over our purpose as long as we can afford the few trinkets we are told we need.  The only safety that exists is what you create for yourself.  You need to be your own safe harbor.

We can spend all the time in the world creating a safety net for others and not realize that we are getting pulled down trying to hold it up.  It is far easier to teach people to save themselves instead of being the one to lift them up.  We are a Marvel family and in The Avengers, Captain America and Tony Stark go into battle and Steve Rogers says, “You’ll never be the one to lay on the wire.” Tony Stark replies, “I think I would just cut the wire.”   I know this is supposed to demonstrate Cap’s self-sacrificing nobility, but I think this is a perfect highlight of Tony’s genius.  If you lay on the wire, yes you have the chance to help those with you, but if you die, then there is nothing else you can do.  If you cut the wire, you may save infinitely more people and you get to fight another day.  It’s a perfect example of go to the source of the problem and fix that—don’t band-aid the solution.  If you constantly fix things at your own expense, you become the band-aid and the problem still exists.

I will add that there is a middle ground between martyrdom and selfishness.  Invest your energy in yourself first and in taking care of yourself and learning yourself.  Once you know who you are and what your purpose is, you will have laser focus on where to put your effort.  We are designed to help each other but we can’t do that on an empty tank and we certainly can’t do that if we are fixated on getting the latest and greatest next thing.  We need to focus on doing the latest and greatest next thing. 

Simply put, we can work smarter not harder—and there is nothing selfish about that.  There is nothing sneaky or smarmy about it either.  Putting in concentrated effort to yield the most results is simply smart.  If you want to make strides in this world, start with yourself, then find the best way to move forward based on that information.  Being who you are is how you can help others and how you can make a difference not only in your life but in the world as well. 

“A kid falls more than 50 times to learn to walk.  He never thinks ‘maybe this isn’t for me’,” via Warrenbuffettquote.  Learning curves can be steep, but we don’t learn if we give up.  I’ve recently taken a chance on something I’ve never done before, but it’s something that has shown up in my life multiple times in multiple ways.  I believe in signs and this thing has shown up so many times over the years that I finally decided to give it a shot.  It also coincided with some of the life choices I mentioned in Saturday’s post.  And in true synchronistic fashion, as I had decided to NOT do it, the book I was reading mentioned that is exactly one of the things they recommend doing.  So I figured it’s time to take a chance and that I had been looking at the opportunity the wrong way.

So I took the leap and decided to really gamble on myself.  To really take things in my own hands and see what comes of it.  I know that not everything turns out as we plan but sometimes we have to take the chance anyway.  This quote from Warren Buffett reminded me that sometimes persistence and resilience is the key.  I firmly believe that we can’t blind ourselves and that when things aren’t working we need to pivot—but that isn’t a time to stop.  It’s a time to find a new approach.  So my new approach is an entirely different industry.  I’m taking a new approach.  One of the recommendations in “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” is that you don’t simply go after the money.  You need to focus on the lesson you want to learn.  So for me, learning how to manage a business is key.  I’ve always wanted my own business but I’ve struggle to define what that would be.  So I’m taking a shot on something different.  I can learn the business side and I can use those skills for my other projects.

Knowing there will be bumps in the road is key.  Whenever I made a financial risk before, I would always panic at the slightest hiccup or challenge.  But this time around, I will keep Buffet’s quote in mind.  When we fall, there is something to learn from it.  We can pick ourselves up and take another step forward.  We just have to remember the lesson in it.  Knowing that there will be challenges keeps our eyes open and anything good that comes of it is a surprise.  It’s a reprieve.   

I know venturing out on my own is risky but I figure that staying exactly where I am, wanting something else is riskier.  I need to take the chance.  There is something else I can learn in this and taking a calculated risk is never a bad thing.  Plus there comes a point when you’re hit with the same opportunity (after passing it up) so many times that you need to take the shot.  These things repeat for a reason.  It may not be the reason you think, but it will get you closer to where you need to be.  So I’m looking at this as a time to prepare for my falls and reminding myself that a fall isn’t a failure.  I’m ready for the lessons that are coming and I look forward to it! 

“You are not lazy.  You are tired.  Perhaps you are lacking a few meaningful goals.  Get some rest.  Breathe a little.  Start dreaming again.  Set a plan, remember your strength, march on with enthusiasm, and love and all will be well,” Brendon Burchard.  This came at a perfect time.  I really struggled with my mental health and energy over the last few months.  I had some triggers around my self-esteem and that sent me into a spiral.  There were some new demands on my time at work and at home, and I struggled to balance it all for a few weeks. I couldn’t get anything done and it made me feel like crap.  I felt so worthless and unfocused and like I was being torn in a million directions at the same time.  And whenever I stopped, my mind raced with what I should be doing. 

Then I saw Brendon’s quote and it reminded me that I can’t do all things.  Something I had been telling my self for a while anyway.  But when you’re highly driven and seeing progress, it’s hard to cut anything out because you want to keep going.  That was like burning candles at every end.  It left me exhausted and spent and barely able to keep my eyes open during the day.  I still felt lazy and I felt incompetent because I couldn’t balance all that I was trying to do.  The things I was getting done weren’t things I wanted to be doing.  I always wanted to be doing something else.  My conditioning made me feel lazy because I wasn’t accomplishing what I was trained to get done. 

Brendon’s quote and the quote from yesterday about choosing yourself reminded me that this life isn’t about people pleasing, it’s about living.  When we choose ourselves we are able to clarify what we need and where we spend our energy.  Focusing on what is right for us isn’t selfish as we are taught to believe.  It is what gets us closer to our purpose and fulfilling that purpose. It is perfectly fine to draw the line and say, “from here out, I have to choose me.”  When we do that we bring our best to the table because we eliminate the other voices.  We eliminate the distractions and the pull of what other people need.  It is when we fulfill our purpose that we do the most good.

I mentioned I took time off of work the other day.  I did so because we are in a huge transition and there is a lot of unknown at the moment.  We are all facing a boat load of projects and there hasn’t been much in the way of direction or prioritization other than it all needs to get done.  There is still the expectation that all will get done or that we implicitly know what needs to be done.  When that is the case for multiple areas over multiple departments from multiple leaders, something is wrong with the structure.  I realized how much of their own confusion they were putting on me to unravel.  And as I worked my way through it, the criticism came.  Not that I don’t need a thick skin, but if you’re not going to do the work then don’t complain about mine.  And if you wanted it a certain way, then you better say that. 

I also took the time off of work because I need to evaluate my future and my time.  I want to really define what I want my life to look like outside of the corporate world.  While I enjoy many facets of my job, the politics of it are harder and harder to cope with.  The truth is that I’m not getting any younger, I want to have more freedom, my son needs me and I don’t want to miss out, and I want to do something for myself.  Between the need to decompress and the need to get honest about next steps, that required some deep work.  I’m glad I took the time off, even if it only served to remind me that it really is ok to put myself first.  That it really is ok to admit I need a break—and to TAKE IT.  I can’t serve if I’m not fully present for myself.  I recommend taking the time you can and reconnecting with who you are and listening.  All the answers are there.  Just do it and see what comes of it.  

While driving back from shopping on Saturday, an amazing feeling washed over me.  I don’t know if it was the weather (it was a PERFECT fall day in every sense of the word) or if it was the conversation with my husband about moving forward with our lives…or even the breakfast I had that kept me in check.  But something in that moment took hold—it most certainly wasn’t FROM me—it was TO me.  As we drove along, there was an evergreen with a tree growing through it.  The deep green of the pine surrounded the fading lime-green/yellow of the other tree, two separate entities now one.  That little tree pushing through was determined to make it work.  I don’t know how it happened, whether a wind accidentally dropped a latent seed and the tree grew through the dark of the evergreen, or if they were planted too close together—but somehow these trees were thriving, intertwined with one another.

So the “revelation” for lack of a better word was that these trees are a perfect metaphor for my life on several levels.  I’m becoming who and what I was meant to be and I’m growing through the shell of my old life.  I need to settle down enough to allow life to happen.  We’ve been in our new house for four months and I’ve pushed and pushed to “settle” in so I’m comfortable.  But the things that make me comfortable don’t fit in with what we have here.  That ISN’T a bad thing.  I’ve struggled to make the new what I knew before when I needed to learn what is.  I needed to settle in to what IS rather than forcing it to be what it was. And that is my life in a nutshell—I have to stop rushing.  In the effort to control the outcome and to “know” everything that is coming (because knowing is comfortable), I’m forcing things to be what they aren’t and I’m missing the lessons that are there.

Those trees also showed me that there are more ways to grow into our own skins and be comfortable than using defense mechanisms (control) to give the illusion of comfort/being on top of things.  My entire life has been a series of rapid-fire changes, drama, and loss.  No, that isn’t the whole story and I’ve been very fortunate overall, however, the times I experienced all of those things was formative for me.  As a child, I never had the chance to develop my own identity because as soon as I thought I knew, something shifted and I had to adapt.  I was never allowed to settle into me.  So I sought control and things that made me comfortable.  I liked order in the sense of knowing and being prepared for my day and I liked completion in the sense of forming my collections and prizes to keep me “safe” because having it all meant I wouldn’t be surprised and I wasn’t behind.  But letting it all go and allowing the things that are meant for us to land makes it easier to accept the changes.      

It was also interesting to think of the two types of trees, once independent, now needed each other to survive.  I’m sure those root systems are completely woven together at this stage of the game.  When we build our lives near someone else or with someone else, it is the same.  While you remain separate beings, there are facets that become dependent on each other whether you like it or not.  Two beings that are as different as can be can still find a common ground to grow from.  I like to think that helps them thrive, although, after 20 years with the same person, I know that isn’t always the case.  But when you shift and learn to see things from the other’s perspective, you can learn how to support each other.  We all need different things to thrive so it’s about learning what the other person needs and making sure they know what you need.  It is absolutely give and take.  I see how important it is to know yourself even if you decide to root with someone else.      

So when I think of those trees, I am hopeful.  I am learning to settle and adapt to reality.  There is chaos in this world, no denying it, but we are able to navigate that with more ease when we stay open to what is.  In searching for safety, we look for familiar things but sometimes what is familiar was only meant to get us to a certain point and we were supposed to grow from there.  For me, some of those lessons were too short and I don’t feel like I had enough time before I was thrust into something else.  But I have to trust that the universe wouldn’t have moved me forward if I wasn’t ready.  As I’m learning now, that was more reason than anything to appreciate what we have while we have it and to be as present as possible.  Time moves quickly and it only moves forward so we can learn to adapt and make the best, and when we do that, we will thrive.

Happy Halloween All!!

Today I am grateful for my health.  I woke up at 10PM with a coughing fit the other night.  I went to the bathroom to not wake up the family and it wouldn’t stop.  I went on the couch and it just wouldn’t stop…deep, painful coughs.  My son hasn’t been well so I really didn’t want to wake him up.  I tried to go down stairs and I slipped on the first step, bending my foot beneath me and I fell.  I ended up breaking three toes.  Not the most devastating injury, but painful nonetheless.  I’ve had broken toes before and I knew how to treat it and I will say I am proud of my body’s resilience.  I’ve put myself through so much hell over the years and abused this vessel…and it still stands strong and heals.  I am so happy that it wasn’t worse.  It gave me a reason to remember that I need to take care of myself in order to stay strong and fulfill what I am here to do.

Today I am grateful for nature—it was a PERFECT day.  This may seem so cliché but I’m going to be “that girl” for a second.  So many things change, so fast, and seeing it happen as fall has fully taken over always reminds me of that.  It also reminds me that I don’t fear the changing of the season, so maybe I don’t need to fear the changes in my own life.  When I talk about the chaos that has been happening around me (and in me) for the last few months, I’m not exaggerating when I say I don’t know if I feel at ease about much, really.  So when I sit in my office and am able to watch the trees blowing in the wind on an absolutely stunning day, settled where I am and feeling safe in the moment, I feel so connected.  Not just to myself, but to all of nature.  I see I am part of the cycle. 

Today I am grateful for setting boundaries.  So often in my life I’ve allowed myself to be the victim because I’m the small girl and I’ve been self-conscious enough that I didn’t allow myself to express who I was and what I am really capable of.  I didn’t believe in myself enough to stand firmly in who I am and I gave in too many times to what other people told me I should be doing.  I have some amazing friends and I know they truly care but they have a tendency to steamroll me when it comes to my child.  Today I was completely in tune with my child and I knew what we were doing and I knew what I wanted our first Halloween in two years to look like—and he was on the same page.  My friends interfered quite a bit because they wanted him to have the “right” gloves and the “right” trick or treat bag.  I literally looked at them and told them, “We know what we are doing,” and we went on our way.  Again, I love these people and appreciate what they do, but this is something I do not need them to help with.  I am capable on all levels of having fun with my child, and I can trust who I am to be a good mother.  Zero regrets.

Today I am grateful for a beautiful time with my son.  We had the most AMAZING day together.  The weather was perfect, we dressed up, he ran from house to house LOVING everything about it.  He looked at me and said, “This is the best day ever!  I love Halloween.  Thank you for taking me trick-or-treating!”  My heart swelled and I knew I was doing a good job.  We got home, made some pizza, I gave him a bath, and we were just totally on the same page together.  THIS is what I love about being a mom.  This is what I love about spending time with my son.  This is what I love about remembering how to find joy—kids know it so well and it felt great to be a part of that.

Today I am grateful for reminders of joy.  As I said above, kids know how to find joy and we all need to remember that every now and then.  Seeing the entire neighborhood swarming with kids reminded me of something I haven’t seen since childhood.  Seeing all of the neighbors out and talking with each other just enjoying being together felt like home.  Seeing life again, seeing so much joy, seeing so much happiness solidified exactly what I’ve been missing.  There is so much life that happens when we let it. 

Remember to let it happen!! Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead!

“So much of life is spent saying ‘Pick me, please chose me, pick me, pick me.’  What if we stopped waiting to be chosen?” Jen Pastiloff.  I’m seeing now how much we need to champion ourselves.  Society discourages us from protecting ourselves in that we are meant to feed into the system and hope that someone deems us worthy enough to excel and progress.  The truth is we are all worthy and the system will always protect the system.  We need to protect ourselves.  We need to be our own best friend, our own advocates, our own fighter, our own loves.  Life doesn’t happen in the moments someone says, “This is for you.”  It happens in the moments we take for ourselves.  It happens in the moments we create for ourselves.  When we walk outside on a cool fall day, warmed by the sun.  When we say we can’t work today because our minds need a break.

I know how hard this is.  I know how hard it is to set the boundary and take the time for yourself.  I know how the guilt sets in when we stop what we feel we should be doing in order to do what we know we need to do.  When other people rely on you, it feels like a let down if we aren’t there in the capacity to take care of what we are responsible for.  But that is a funny line in itself.  We mistake that we are responsible for people or for outcomes when I reality we are responsible TO them.  Yes, we all have obligations to meet but that doesn’t mean the weight of the outcome is solely on us.  We need to hold up our end, but even then, we need to let people know when we aren’t able to do that.

When it comes to working in the corporate world, we are trained that giving up personal time and getting the job done are the norms.  I’ve been trying to convey a message to my team that it’s a matter of prioritization.  NOT EVERYTHING IS AN EMERGENCY!!  Also an emphatic note that POOR PLANNING doesn’t constitute an emergency, either. In healthcare it’s easy to mistake that because we are trained that everything is important.  That may be true to a degree when we are dealing with people’s lives, but we have to often remind ourselves that not everything is life or death.  There are things that can wait.  The ironic thing is that there is often the hurry and push to get things done but then nothing comes of it for some time.  We are more interested in control than outcomes.  We are trained to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others, hoping we will receive something in the end after a humble, “Just doing my job.”  But the truth is, if you’re gone, they will find someone else to replace you, and that can be said of anywhere.

So take the time.  Set the boundary and do what you need to do for your mental health.  Appreciate yourself and everything you’ve done and know the strength it takes to say, “I need to take care of myself right now.”  It’s ok to forget our training that our families don’t matter either.  Even if we are told that family comes first, taking time off to deal with a family situation is often met with a tone or an air of, “Really?”  The truth is your family needs you more than your job does and you need to be healthy more than you need someone’s approval and praise.  To Pastiloff’s quote, I follow up with her quip, “I get to choose me.”  We don’t need anyone to validate that what we did is “right.”  You get to say what is right for you and we need to normalize that.  I pick me, and I hope you pick you…EVERY time.            

“So much of life is spent saying ‘Pick me, please chose me, pick me, pick me.’  What if we stopped waiting to be chosen?” Jen Pastiloff.  I’m seeing now how much we need to champion ourselves.  Society discourages us from protecting ourselves in that we are meant to feed into the system and hope that someone deems us worthy enough to excel and progress.  The truth is we are all worthy and the system will always protect the system.  We need to protect ourselves.  We need to be our own best friend, our own advocates, our own fighter, our own loves.  Life doesn’t happen in the moments someone says, “This is for you.”  It happens in the moments we take for ourselves.  It happens in the moments we create for ourselves.  When we walk outside on a cool fall day, warmed by the sun.  When we say we can’t work today because our minds need a break.

I know how hard this is.  I know how hard it is to set the boundary and take the time for yourself.  I know how the guilt sets in when we stop what we feel we should be doing in order to do what we know we need to do.  When other people rely on you, it feels like a let down if we aren’t there in the capacity to take care of what we are responsible for.  But that is a funny line in itself.  We mistake that we are responsible for people or for outcomes when I reality we are responsible TO them.  Yes, we all have obligations to meet but that doesn’t mean the weight of the outcome is solely on us.  We need to hold up our end, but even then, we need to let people know when we aren’t able to do that.

When it comes to working in the corporate world, we are trained that giving up personal time and getting the job done are the norms.  I’ve been trying to convey a message to my team that it’s a matter of prioritization.  NOT EVERYTHING IS AN EMERGENCY!!  Also an emphatic note that POOR PLANNING doesn’t constitute an emergency, either. In healthcare it’s easy to mistake that because we are trained that everything is important.  That may be true to a degree when we are dealing with people’s lives, but we have to often remind ourselves that not everything is life or death.  There are things that can wait.  The ironic thing is that there is often the hurry and push to get things done but then nothing comes of it for some time.  We are more interested in control than outcomes.  We are trained to sacrifice ourselves for the good of others, hoping we will receive something in the end after a humble, “Just doing my job.”  But the truth is, if you’re gone, they will find someone else to replace you, and that can be said of anywhere.

So take the time.  Set the boundary and do what you need to do for your mental health.  Appreciate yourself and everything you’ve done and know the strength it takes to say, “I need to take care of myself right now.”  It’s ok to forget our training that our families don’t matter either.  Even if we are told that family comes first, taking time off to deal with a family situation is often met with a tone or an air of, “Really?”  The truth is your family needs you more than your job does and you need to be healthy more than you need someone’s approval and praise.  To Pastiloff’s quote, I follow up with her quip, “I get to choose me.”  We don’t need anyone to validate that what we did is “right.”  You get to say what is right for you and we need to normalize that.  I pick me, and I hope you pick you…EVERY time.

“No one sees what you see, even if they see it too,” via meditationsecrets.  As I thought through the history of my family over the last week or so, I realized that so much of what we have experienced over this lifetime meant something different to each of us.  A few months ago I wrote about this phenomena happening with a really close family member.  I couldn’t understand for the life of me how we both went through the same exact thing but we felt so differently about it and we even remembered it happening differently.  It made me so angry because I KNEW in my heart what happened.  But the truth is, THAT is life.  We form our final opinion and understand events based on our experiences.  So it doesn’t make sense to waste a lot of time trying to make people see things from your point of view.  We can literally go through the exact same thing and we will feel differently about it.

I spent a lot of my life trying to be right and trying to do what I thought was right because my frame of reference was that we are meant to be people pleasers and that it was more important to be right than to connect. Surprise, surprise, where did that get me?  Running in circles, confused, angry, and feeling behind as those unencumbered by someone else’s opinion moved forward. We aren’t meant to chase our dreams with abandon because someone else could get hurt.  I believed that if we were meant to achieve our dreams, we needed to be worthy and that it took all sorts of crazy effort and then we MIGHT be granted the privilege of hitting our goals.

But this isn’t true.  We CAN spend our time like that, trying to be right or trying to make people see things our way but we have the option to simply let go and take our own steps in life based on our own experiences and needs. And with the understanding that multiple existences/experiences can happen at the same time.  It isn’t about being right, it’s about knowing what is right for you.  We don’t need to spend our lives running around the bottom of the mountain telling people where they are wrong and where we are right—we just need to focus on our climb.   

At the end of the day, you will realize that it didn’t matter what other people believed as you were on your journey—it never did.  YOUR journey is what mattered.  We are here to make the most of our lives and our own unique purposes.  We can’t fulfill our purpose if we waste our time worrying about what other people think.  It doesn’t matter.  When you learn to let it lie, you learn grace and acceptance, knowing that the other person may be blocking things out for one reason or another.  You learn to live in the truth of your story and know you are safe there.  Nothing else matters.