“What has to die in your life for what you are creating to be born?” Deepak Chopra. I love this. I’ve been speaking to the intense changes happening in my life right now and this is so appropriate to my experience. I’ve learned that the first thing that has to die is the idea that you can be everything to everyone and make everyone happy. I’ve spoken many times about living in multiple worlds at once and trying to keep both balanced and how it feels like straddling a track that is diverging. We can’t keep a leg in both worlds forever—we get stretched too thin and then nothing gets done. Or we build resentment because the things that get done aren’t in support of our goals.
The second thing that has to die is the idea that doing as you’re told will get you anywhere if it isn’t something aligned with your goals. I spent so much of my life doing exactly what I was told because I was raised with the belief that good things would come if you followed the path laid out in front of you. I was raised to believe that your dreams would come true if you did the “right” thing at all times. What I learned is that, yes, life does sometimes throw you a bone if you’re “good” to people. But the reality is, if you’re doing what you’re told, you’re following a system designed to benefit itself. There is only so much room at the top in a place like that. In order to progress in your life AND feel fulfilled, you need to do what is aligned with you.
The third thing that has to die is the guilt of doing what is right for you. Right in line with doing what we’re told, is the belief that we are bad or selfish if we do what is right for us. It is SO uncomfortable the first few times you set boundaries and do what you need to do. When I first tried it, I took it as a sign that I wasn’t meant to have those types of boundaries. In reality, I just needed more practice. The guilt was so engrained that I couldn’t tell the difference between a sign and training. So I flexed my wings. I KNEW what I needed to do and that is what kept me moving forward.
The fourth thing that has to die is any misconception that you can’t do it. We all have a calling and if there is something that you know is for you, then you CAN do it. You wouldn’t have the idea if it wasn’t meant to be brought forward by YOU. We aren’t always trained to hear the whispers telling us what our gift is, but we are meant to re-train ourselves and answer that call. Self-doubt will kill any dream long before someone else does. So step up and get that nasty voice in check.
The last thing that has to die is your plan. I know that seems counterintuitive, especially when I’m talking about following “that” voice. I’ve learned first hand that the voice is an excellent guide and the purpose behind it is true. However, the plan we have in place to do achieve that may not always be the plan we are meant to follow. Believing that things have to look a certain way only hinders you from allowing them to BE what they are meant to be. Along with this is allowing the version of you that you thought you’d be die as well. It’s painful because we tie our hopes an expectations to that person. I honestly think that was the most painful part because that girl did her best every step of the way and carried the weight of the world on her shoulders and just wanted to be recognized. I let her know I respected her and appreciated everything she did and that I would always carry her with me. And then I let her rest.
Death is absolutely an ending and it can be terrifying. But it can also be one of the most liberating things in the world. Every year, we watch the seasons come in and out and we don’t fear that the next one won’t be there. We allow it and accept all of the things that come with those transitions. So death is also the beginning. In nature, that is often the case. So greet death as a friend. Appreciate what you have while it is here and know that what is coming will be greater. Know that you have it in you to move forward and take on the next steps. Allow your death and greet your new self with open arms.