As We Are

Photo by Monstera on

“We cannot form our children on our own concepts.  We must take them and love them the way {source} gives them to us,” Goethe.  This came up the other day while doing some private studying.  I saw it and my thoughts immediately went to my own child.  We’ve been struggling with some basics during homework time (I NEVER knew/remembered having this much homework in kindergarten—just for the record) and I completely lost it with him the other night.  It wasn’t the fact he was struggling, it was that he was fighting me in even attempting what needed to be done or understanding the need for practice.  After the fight, my husband and I were debriefing and he told me, “I think you’re struggling with it because he’s not you.”  It took my breath away because that had NOT been my intent.  I think my frustration was not knowing how to help my son properly as well as the pressure this school puts on all of us.  But it clearly came across as some anger or disappointment in my child. 

Kids are super impressionable and I repeat millions of times how important it is to cast off the expectations of society and allow our real selves to be seen.  If I’m expressing frustration at him for not doing the “norm” then I’m condemning him for not being like everyone else.  The truth is on some level I wish it were easier for him because it would be easier for me.  I work full time, run a business, write, have a little social life, have a home to maintain just like everyone else—so plotting in time to correct and teach adds to the already full plate.  Plus his experience is different than mine (we never learned verbs in kindergarten or had to count to 100 by 5’s at that age) considering I was in kindergarten well over three decades ago.

Kids are also incredibly stubborn and resilient because they still have the feeling in them that tells them to be themselves.  There is no shame or fear in complete expression of self at this age.  They want to wear unicorn pants and three pigtails, then so be it, it’s happening.  They want to run and climb on their desks in the middle of class, then that desk is now a tree.  They haven’t developed what we are trying to indoctrinate them into: the “right” way to be or doing the right thing.  They get bored following the same pattern over and over again at that age and that is their soul telling them they are meant for something else. It isn’t our job to take that out of them.  It’s our job to respect and honor that.  Sure, we need to teach them the basics and how to communicate with people and yes, we even need to teach them some social decorum.  But it isn’t up for us to tell them they are wrong when they don’t “get” those things.  Our job is to love them and maybe even honor that part of us that was told to hide when we were their age. 

My son’s job isn’t to please or appease me.  It isn’t to do what every other person in society tells him to do.  His job is to find his passion, his purpose, and to wake up and live that every day in every way he can.  MY job is to love him and guide him as best as I can.  It’s to understand the intricacies of his inner workings that make him, him—and to accept those things exactly as they are.  We aren’t meant to be raising little clones of us or breaking down a spirit that so readily and colorfully exists in our children.  We are meant to remember our own light and help them express theirs.  We are meant to normalize the things THEY feel and help them navigate what they want to do.  This life is magical and we are gifted infinite possibilities when we arrive her and anther set of infinite possibilities in our children.  Let them be who they are.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s