Today I am grateful for my husband. Our relationship isn’t perfect (whose is?) and these last few months have taken us on a journey I never saw coming. I shared several months back that we had experienced a very painful exchange that led to our falling out in many ways. We didn’t know if we were going to continue on together or not, if we were even compatible enough to continue together, or if one had to sacrifice more for the other. Neither one of us wanted to do the latter—especially me because I felt I had sacrificed enough. But what this moment led to was me accepting the help I needed. My husband no longer related to me and, from that angle, I understood what he was saying. And I knew I had to let go of all that I was making him become. I focused on the person I wanted to be very clearly and I overstepped in making him who I needed as a reciprocal. We are still healing but I am grateful for the push to the other side of who I am.
Today I am grateful for presence. As I type this I’m in my favorite place, my office, staring at the winter-dry landscape of my neighbors yards as we are tucked in the corn fields. The sun casts its spotlight on the bare trees as it rises. I feel immensely lucky. I feel grateful not only to be here, to feel this place, and to be able to do what I do, but I feel so lucky to recognize and witness the areas of my life I need to continue to emphasize and explore. I feel grateful that I see this and that there IS a way—now it’s just a matter of doing it. I am grateful for leaning into that knowing and starting to make decisions based on where I will be, not where I am. I’m talking about in the sense of making decisions from the person I am inside, my authentic identity. That is being in touch with presence and who we are.
Today I am grateful for games. The last couple of weekends we have been playing games with the neighbors and it is so much fun. Game nights are something I’ve wanted to do for years but we never really had a group that shared the same interest and it wasn’t exactly my husband’s wheelhouse either. He loves a game but he prefers video games. Regardless, now that we’ve started this, it has been an entirely different side of us and we’ve been truly enjoying it. It is so nice to do something different, to share a great meal and a fun experience together. Finding like-minded community (even a small group counts) has meant everything. I feel a support locally that I haven’t in a long time—I’m not sure if I ever did. I witnessed it as a child amongst my parents and their friends, but it wasn’t a daily thing. Games have led to a connection that wasn’t there, an opening of more similarities we share, and it brings us together.
Today I am grateful for books. This should be a no-brainer as I’ve often shared my love of books. But what highlights it this week is piggy backing off of games—it’s the community around it. I have opened a doorway, sharing my books with my neighbor and she has shared hers. For me, books are a personal thing. Our tastes and interests are reflected in our books and seeing what people read is a reflection into their minds. It’s been such a beautiful experience finding someone with the same interests as me. We have gifted each other things before, but now there is a real connection. There is a new depth in understanding as we share these interests and I feel like I have found what was missing for so long: that shared camaraderie.
Today I am grateful for health. I am learning the dynamics of a healthy life in a new way, in a more well rounded approach. I’ve always had an interest in taking care of self and doing what is right for the body. I’ve been in healthcare for years, and as much as I struggle with it today, I think it was for a reason. I think it gave me the impetus to learn all the ways we have to take care of ourselves—mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and communally. We are complex creatures with simple needs and we’ve made our lives substantially more difficult in how we connect with others. The truth is, in order to find the connection we need, we need to connect with ourselves. That’s the beginning of all the greatest answers we need: the ability to connect with our body gives us a clear indication of what’s going on—the body will tell us what we need. We have an amazing vehicle and I love learning new ways to connect with it. Health is a gift, and I am happy to share that.
Today I am grateful to put the pieces together. The best take away I have from this week is the integration of the information I’m grateful for. Feeling good and taking good care of myself has led to accepting who I am—my interests, my purpose, and my ability to share that. The greatest journey over the last few years, the one I’ve been privileged to share (even though it sometimes feels like it’s taking forever) is the journey to help people be their best selves. We often think it’s a complex scenario when often all we need to do is simply allow ourselves to shine and create the connections with those around us. Each connection is a link, a step on the stairs that exposes more and more of who we are and leads us to who we need to be. Take care of self to be your truest self, and that brings you to those who need your light or those who reflect your light (and vice versa). While the goal is no longer about completing a journey, I am grateful to continue putting pieces of the puzzle together.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week!