Sunday Gratitude

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Today I’m grateful for the lessons that lead me to myself.  There are days I wish someone would just do it for me—like all of it.  Either I have no energy or no interest in the activity, but still it needs to be done.  I know we all have those moments.  But I realized recently that I lived in a princess like fairy tale fantasy where I wanted someone to come and save me from the work I was doing and tell me I got to live the life of my dreams.  I’m actually a bit embarrassed to admit that.  The truth is, I had to learn to rely on myself.  I had to learn how to do the things I wanted done for me, for myself.  The only person who can come and rescue me, is me.  If I hadn’t been through what I’ve been through, I never would have learned to make it through.  I wouldn’t have learned about my own strength.  I didn’t need someone to save me, I needed to get out of my own way.  I needed to stop creating problems for people to help me with and simply do the work.  I’m grateful.

Today I’m grateful for people who see me.  I’ve been mentally struggling at my 9-5.  It’s a constant challenge to dive in and out of the work of three unrelated departments and keep all of them on the tracks at the same time—especially when there are moments it seems they are on different railways let alone the same train/track.  At the end of the day, I always take the time to connect with my staff because I know they are all doing their best.  They all have different fears and motivations and they are all human so I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.  One of my employees gifted me a gorgeous journal that says, “Strong women fight with grace in their heart, kindness in their voice, and love in their souls.”  It nearly brought me to tears because I felt seen. In that moment I understood that me taking the time to honor their humanity made them see mine.  And that is a gift. 

Today I am grateful for time with the real me.  I don’t often get to spend time away from my family.  Truth is, most times I don’t want to.  I really love doing the things we do together, I love being at home, I love being with my husband and son.  But there are facets of me that don’t go expressed as often as they should.  This weekend I got to spend time with a friend and we really connected over life.  It started when she shared her library with me and now I’ve gotten to open up and share mine with her.  While this seems small, the truth is books are such a large part of my life that it’s a very personal thing to let someone in like that.  My husband doesn’t care for books like that and my son is just learning, so sharing that depth of where I’m at means a lot.  The things people look for in their books tells a lot about them.  It felt good to show that again.

Today I am grateful to take additional steps.  I’m learning as I continue on this path that it is a journey.  There isn’t a point to reach, a destination.  It’s a state of being and it’s a constant flux and flow on this path.  There are always steps.  There are always things we can do to bring us closer to where we are going, until we find the next point of evolution in our lives.  I have been receiving signs more frequently and more clearly—quite frankly, more persistently—that a new course of action is necessary and that it’s time to take it.  I’m thrilled.  Part of me feels like I have been waiting forever for this moment.  The things I’ve been working toward to bear fruit.  Granted I have no idea what is coming my way, but I have a knowing in my gut that it’s the right thing.

Today I’m grateful to clear out.  I’m finally finishing taking down the decorations I had up for Christmas and, as overwhelming as it is, I am so glad to end the season on such a high note.  I am grateful to lovingly close that chapter, to feel gratitude for the memories I’ve been blessed to share with my family, and to step into what’s next.  I mentioned a while back that I completely overdid it this season—and again, I love doing it—but I am so grateful to bring my space back to normal.  To be at home again.  See, I will always enjoy the magic of the season, but I am learning to embrace where I’m at now.  I used to get sad taking everything down.  Now I feel at peace. 

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

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