Today I am grateful for developing consistency. Keeping consistent with what I want to do has always been a bit of a challenge for me. It’s partially a victim mentality—if something stops me from doing what I want to do then it’s not my fault for not getting it done. It’s partially stubbornness/lack of creativity; I struggle to find alternative ways to do the things I want to do. It’s partially not having all the resources built because I’m shy and unsure and self-protective. In spite of all that, I’ve been changing those habits. I’ve been consistent in meeting myself where I want to be. I’ve ben listening to the things that feel right in my soul and my body and that is the direction I go. It has been different not seeking approval from the outside and it’s hard to not go that route. But making sure I’m able to stand on my own has been helping me and sticking with it has strengthened that muscle.
Today I am grateful for family. I’ve spent a lot of time with family over the last few days even past the holiday and it has been refreshing. It has been a comforting reminder that family is always there and prioritizing them really matters. We make time for the things we love and the things we want to do and it has been nice to have more of the family on board. I’ve gotten to see new parts of my family’s history and it has been so cool learning things that happened before I was born and knowing more about where we all come from. Too many times we let ourselves get distracted and angry by silly things and time passes and before you know it, it’s gone. There is real value in sticking together and closing gaps and sharing that mutual history with each other.
Today I am grateful for trying new things. As I’ve been working through my control issues, I’ve learned that there are moments I need to trust others and step out of my comfort zone. We were with a bunch of our friends yesterday and we were all sharing and helping each other and learning. This was something I’ve only ever previously done with my husband and myself. Taking in new perspectives and learning from someone other than my husband opened my eyes to a new experience. We all had a lot of fun and I found something else that works for me and my husband rather than me trying to fit in something that didn’t work at all.
Today I am grateful for being part of a community. I’ve had to be a do-it-on-my-own girl for various reasons for a long time. Partially out of necessity and partially out of stubbornness, but it has made me pretty detached from my ability to ask for help. If I couldn’t do it on my own, then I didn’t do it. I’m learning that there are really people who follow through on what they say. They are truly there to help and they don’t expect anything in return. I’m also learning that when we help each other it doesn’t take away from what needs to be done in my world, but it opens it up to finishing things in each of our lives faster, easier, and with more perspective.
Today I am grateful for perspective. This has been an amazing, long weekend spent with family and friends and making memories, and helping my kid recover from being sick. I started decorating the house because my goal was to have the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. Well, that escalated and I’ve been trying to get as much done as I can because there is so much to do for the holidays. Then I found out that my mother in law is having our Christmas on the 11th. I’m no where near ready. As I sat on the floor in the middle of garland, I realized that I’m living in conflict with what I want to be doing. I’m trying to get all the fun stuff done quickly because of a ridiculous work schedule. I’m trying to be both a dutiful employee and an amazing hostess/daughter/mother/wife etc. every day. I’m not spending time doing the things I love because I have to rush them. I’m trying to fit a week’s worth of work in two days. Not going to happen. And it’s ok. I’m not weak, I’ve gotten through a lot. Perspective is key.
Today I am grateful for remembering my strength. Sometimes strength is the simple reminder that we can and will go on. Things will move forward, and as long as you’ve done your best, that is enough. I don’t need to be superwoman 24/7. I need to cherish the time I have. I need to stand in my integrity. I need to follow through on my word. I need to be the person I say I am—the person I really am. That is all strength. It takes a lot to let go of the outside ideas of what we should be or how we should behave. This is a time when being ourselves is a radical act—well, technically, being ourselves has always been a radical act. That starts with accepting who we are, and that is a feat in certain moments. Acknowledge our wonderful magic, the gifts we have, and be grateful. That is where our strength comes from.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.