We spoke about trying something new yesterday and I focused heavily on the aspect of self-work and healing as something new. It’s important to note that self-work, while healing and creative, is also destructive. You can’t hold onto what you knew and do something new when it comes to finding yourself. The two identities can’t co-exist and that means you will lose things that were familiar as you build a new framework for your life. There may be parts of you that come along, those parts that are based on core values for example. But you can’t behave in self-destructive ways and claim to be healed. It doesn’t work like that. For me, I can’t continue to control every facet of life around me and claim to be at ease with what happens.
The biggest portion of healing for me is making peace with what happened—and I am far from there. I struggle to let go of the “could have beens” and the “should have beens.” You know what I mean, the “if onlys”. If only they had done this like we talked about, we wouldn’t be dealing with this now. In order to reconcile that, I need to get creative and focus on what I can build moving forward. It SUCKS letting go of the past, especially knowing that it could have been different with a few small tweaks. But those things didn’t happen. All we can work with is what happened and the here and now. What happened is done but how do we integrate that to move forward now?
I’ve been told repeatedly that life isn’t fair. I’m sure we’ve all heard that multiple times in our lives. Logically we all know that—I know that as well. I also don’t think life is malicious, placing a heat-seeking missile of misery on us just for giggles. I feel like we have the ability to control how we interact with people, yet we don’t operate in a vacuum. Our actions impact others, so choose to have awareness. Not that we are responsible for others, but we need to understand action and reaction. Some of those reactions people have aren’t a result of our actions, rather from their experiences. And that, too is a healing thought. It’s not always about us. It is always about choice. When we choose to heal, we choose to change the course of our lives. How exciting is that?