Not Speaking

Photo by Anna Shvets on

Silence.  The quiet feels deafening at times.  We constantly find ways to fill the silence.  My mind constantly races so silence feels far from natural for me and it’s a rare thing when it slows down enough for one train of thought at a time.  If we aren’t filling the silence with thought, we are filling it with doing.  I’ve been evaluating the need for quiet, the need to hear more than we speak.  I’ve asked what happens when you hear nothing after you ask the question. Does it mean you’re being ignored?  Or is the nothingness the answer itself?  Is that the universe allowing you to make the decision?  Or have we become so disconnected with the universal flow that we don’t allow the time for the answer to come?

I’m a nervous talker and an overthinker and I used to think there was value on everything I thought, that it needed to be shared—I thought the same for everyone, not just me (I’m not that egotistical 😊).  I thought having an opinion on things was valuable and meant you contributed.  That may apply in school, but as an adult, there is distinctly a time when your thoughts/words are needed and when they are not.  It applies to all situations and relationships.  We can have opinions on everything but knowing when to share them is the art.  There is a time and place, not only when we need to receive in silence, but when we need to simply BE silent even if we have something to say. 

The truth is not every thought we have has merit.  It may feel like it, but when you examine it more, is it really true?  Does it really hold weight?  Humans are fallible and there is value in sharing a “wrong” opinion—it’s how we learn!  But there are simply times we have to allow people to figure it out on their own.  They aren’t seeking our voice, they are seeking our ears.  I struggle there too because I expect dialogue on everything—I believe everyone has an opinion on everything so when I have a conversation, I expect a response back.  It’s a pet peeve of mine to hear, “I don’t know.”  Even if you don’t know THE answer, you have a thought on it—it’s not about being right, it’s about sharing and discourse.  But some people are quicker than I at discerning when the moment comes to say, “I don’t know,” and leave it at that.

I’m learning to not let my nerves get the best of me because I speak when I’m nervous.  I’m learning to choose my words better. I LOVE words and I love sharing them but I’m also learning how to use them better.  I’m becoming an observer rather than a sharer.  I’m allowing the silence to sit for a while if needed.  I’m working on that in my brain as well.  I hate the constant chatter—I can choose what thoughts to entertain and I’m working on that as a true positive at the moment.  Not every thought deserves the time and attention it’s seeking.  Put those aside and focus on your values.  Clarity makes things much easier.  If you’re not sure which route to take in a moment, ask yourself a focus question like, “What matters in this moment?  Is this valuable to what’s happening right now?”  If so, share.  If not, allow the silence.  It applies to the quiet in your alone time as well.  You don’t need to think on something that has no value to what you’re currently doing.  Appreciate the silence every now and then, allow yourself to develop comfort with it.  Your mind will be a much friendlier place when you do.

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