“Time is way too precious to be spending it with people who don’t make you feel your best,” Shay Mitchell. Sometimes the universe works in really funny ways. I had this quote picked out several weeks ago and the piece was going to be about finding ways to connect with yourself so you can find your tribe. Now it has a new meaning for me. When I initially decided to use it, I wanted to address the global groups, the closer groups, the work groups and all of those orbiting figures in our lives. I never considered it would apply to the inner circle as well, to those who already offered and claimed to love you for all you are. Naively, I thought those people would never bring me down—those are the ones who cut the deepest. Those who know the darkest parts of us, the depths of us, those are the ones who know where it hurts. We would never willingly tolerate that kind of abuse from those who have little say in our lives, but it touches a different nerve when it comes from someone who is on the inside so to speak.
Normally I would simply advise to let those people go. Logically I know if someone doesn’t see our worth then it isn’t worth it. It’s never our job to prove to people the value we bring—and even with what I’m going through, I stand by that. But those closest to us still see things from the outside and they have their own experience of who we are, so we look at their opinion differently. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hold a different weight. What I’m learning through this, however, is that the weight is different for a few reasons. 1. There is actually potential to make needed changes. Sometimes it takes us longer to acknowledge/see what needs to change in ourselves and these things sometimes naturally happen. The initial shock may be a lot, but good can come of it if you’re both putting in the work. 2. There is a need for a change in those people as well. What once worked, doesn’t and trying to force the pieces isn’t helping—and that goes both ways. 3. It doesn’t matter how close someone is to you, if they no longer fit, then yes, we need to let them go. And that really hurts. 4. It feels like a loss of identity. We don’t know who they are and suddenly we don’t know who we are either.
I mentioned in Saturday’s post about the support I’ve received over the last week in particular and I want to bring that up again here. No matter what happens or who shakes up your world, there are STILL those who will be around. People will surprise you. Just when you feel most lonely, suddenly an entire system rises up and lifts you with them—you’re not alone. As one thing ends, another begins. Learn to focus on the light and the good and learn to lean on those who surround you. It’s ok. Life is about the exchange of energy and we don’t always have to be “up.” I talk a lot about being the light, I want to share that it’s ok to need the light from others sometimes as well. Our cups aren’t always full and we need to do what we can to fill them. Take what is offered with gratitude and appreciation and allow your cup to run over again. That is the transfer of energy—it all comes around. We can’t always be the one doing the heavy lifting. Find those who make you feel better, find those who take you as you are, and find those you can support in return. THOSE are your people.