“Sometimes anxiety is the friction caused by your intuition saying more loudly: ‘I need you to pay attention,’” Xavier Dagba. This is a great follow up to shadow because this is the direct result of learning to ignore our intuition—it creates that shadow, our knowing that we repressed and hid in the shadows thinking they were bad. We need to get in touch with our inner knowing, and when we reconcile the shadow, we understand that voice we’ve heard all along has simply been asking us to pay attention and honor it. It wants us to know it’s safe to follow it. We tend to treat our intuition like someone in a white van trying to lure us. “Hey, I know all the answers, if you just let go and come over here for a minute, quiet the mind, you’ll hear it!” “Uh, no thanks, I have things to do!” Buries face in phone and moves on. Why? Why are we taught our knowing is a bad thing. Oh, right—something we don’t have time to examine in this post—if we find our knowing then we no longer are interested in mass consumerism and the broken system we have today!!! Everyone else benefits from us ignoring our intuition.
Honestly, following intuition is a scary thing the first few times, especially as an adult. When we are kids learning to crawl and walk, or we hear our parents telling us to not jump from the rocks or not go across the street but we KNOW we can do it, those are the first signs of intuition. Granted those are moments of parents ensuring safety, but the point is you KNEW you’d be ok regardless of your mom screaming at you to stop. We learn to doubt and overthink the steps we take. We learn to not trust our knowing. This training goes on for most of our lives. We are taught what to think, what goals to have by those around us, what path to take, what patterns to repeat, what success looks like, what to eat. And most destructively, we are taught that if we don’t follow those things, we are WRONG. Anything against the grain or outside what is accepted as the norm is wrong. Cue instant self-hatred and misconstrued beliefs that our being is wrong.
There are those of us who are fortunate enough to start HEARING. Sometimes that hearing starts as a feeling, where we can’t quite put our fingers on it but we feel something is off about what we are doing. We know the patterns we repeat every day are no longer serving or they lose their feeling of power over us. Sometimes that starts with a simple, “I don’t want to do this today.” Soon that escalates into, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Yes, THAT is intuition. The scary part comes when there is no additional insight into what you DO want to do. But that is the beauty of getting in touch with our knowing: we are supposed to try things and have fun. I spent a HUGE majority of my life doing exactly what I was told, expecting the promised results only to never get them. That left me wanting and questioning a ton of things. Resentful, too. As good as I was at doing what I was told, I always had another side, another inkling of things I wanted to create. I tried getting through the “have-to” as quickly as I could so I had time for the “want to.” As a late teen and early adult, I never realized that too was my intuition speaking. If I have to rush through the “obligations” to get to do what I want to do, then I’m spending my time incorrectly. Maybe that is a wake up for you as well.
So this is a precipice that I’m standing on personally now. I know what I want next. I know what isn’t working for me any longer. But I haven’t quite jumped into the other side yet. The tracks are getting wider and wider and I know soon I won’t be able to straddle both sides: I’m going to have to make a decision. You will, too. You can always ignore what you KNOW and go along with what you are comfortable with. You can always go back to what you do every day and be content with that (or be miserable with it). Or. You can take the chance and start hearing what you’re intuition has been trying to tell you all along. I’ve taken a long look behind the curtain and I have been gifted with some insight into what is on the other side: pure freaking magic. I have seen the creations and the flow that comes from following it and that looks like pure freedom. The goal of life isn’t to chain ourselves to one way of thought or one pattern. It is to learn what works for us and to create the life we are meant to have. So pay attention. Hear it. And when you are ready, follow it.