Anxiety and Soul

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“Sometimes anxiety is the friction caused by your soul saying: ‘I need more space in your life,’” Xavier Dagba. Most people go through their days in some kind of hustle or other.  They always have places to go, things to do, people to meet, and they are always moving to the next, next, next.  We’ve normalized and glorified that, thinking that is just how life is.  We make ourselves feel like failures for becoming tired, or disorganized, or overwhelmed.  We criticize those who can’t keep up.  We also criticize those who don’t go for the latest and greatest technology, clothes, cars, etc.  We are trained to seek everything externally and want validation based on what we accumulate and what we look like.  The soul doesn’t give a damn about what things look like, it knows what it feels.  The soul operates in the space of knowing, not showing.

The anxiety comes in when we are ignoring that message.  We are trained from birth to ignore what we know and what we feel.  We are indoctrinated with messages from every angle for every thing we could possibly think from religion, to politics, to what products to purchase, to what it means to be “normal.”  I think we need to redefine normal and understand that normal is what works for each individual.  There may be trends of course that apply to similar focused groups, but there is not ONE normal.  We need to stop training ourselves to let go of our knowing because that knowing would have told us a long time ago that we need to make peace with nature rather than find a cubicle.  That knowing would have told us to create something useful for everyone a long time ago.  It would have shown us how to fulfill a massive need a long time ago.  It would have told us to make peace with everyone a long time ago.

I’m not turning this into a religious exercise because that isn’t how my faith falls—personally I believe that religion is man’s work, not a higher power’s.  Everyone has every right to believe what they want to believe.  But the point is to find that faith and to hear the messages you are naturally given but were told to ignore.  The true essence of who we are needs to flow and be expressed otherwise there is friction between what we actually do and what we want to do.  Sometimes that opens through simply listening to what the heart knows.  That means breaking the shell around our hearts that we’ve been trained to build and stepping into the uncertain as we learn to hear again.

In my experience, when the soul wants more attention, it begins as an uncomfortableness.  I found myself bored with everything.  I didn’t want to do anything that I had been doing AT ALL.  I started feeling guilty because nothing “productive” was getting done in my life.  But a general awareness seeped over me that the way I was doing things didn’t work.  I was distracted by everything.  I mean, any excuse to not be where I was felt amazing.  If I got to leave my 9-5 early, fantastic, you don’t have to tell me twice.  People need a random chat session, I’m there.  Maybe the better word for it was a restlessness.  I felt myself pulled toward other things.  It feels like living in two worlds because once I started really hearing the message that I didn’t want to be where I was, I realized I didn’t know WHERE I was meant to go.  That’s a friction of soul as well: you know you can’t stay here but you don’t know what’s next.  And there’s the faith.

So full transparency, I haven’t made the big leap to anything.  I have all sorts of stories I tell myself, but the bottom line is I have fear of failing and I don’t want to jeopardize anything for my family.  But the good news is, I KNOW now.  I may not be able to take the crazy huge leap right this second, but I have managed to take tons of tiny steps in the right direction.  I’ve turned the sail and those little turns are taking me closer to where I need to go every day.  But none of that would have happened if I continued to ignore my inner knowing.  That voice we hear that isn’t quite our own, is a gift.  When we learn to trust it, we are shown more.  So sometimes anxiety is simply telling us to pay attention to that voice because it is going to take us where we are really meant to be.  We can’t live in two worlds forever, we need to reconcile what works and what doesn’t and see how that aligns with what we know.  So, for today/tonight, ask yourself how you can make some space for that voice.  More importantly, what action can you take to honor it?  Some may not be ready for that, it’s ok.  Just learn to make peace with the idea of hearing it again.  Little by little, you will understand. 

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