Inviting Yourself

Photo by Skyler Ewing on Pexels.com

I had an ego moment with my husband the other day.  We had a small spat over something he said in the store that upset me because I didn’t like the tone it was putting out energetically.  Mindset is clearly a huge thing for me and what he said as a joke was not what I wanted the universe to pick up on.  Additionally our son’s inner monster came out during that grocery trip and the evening was not going to end well.  What I didn’t expect was for my husband to leave and go to the neighbor’s house.  Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but he completely disappeared and I didn’t know where he was.  That is a huge trigger for me.  It brings back old memories of being left out and left alone and I spiraled quickly.  I mean, I went from, “He’s been gone a long time” to “Damn it, no one likes me.  They literally left me out of the party—again” in about 10 seconds.

So full circle for this conversation we’ve been having about people noticing us: I put out the energy of needing to be there for my child (because I do) and that I don’t always have time to hang out anyway.  Their children are significantly older than mine so we are in different stages. I also realized that it was a stressful day for both my husband and I and we probably needed some cool down time.  I didn’t need to elevate the issue into something it wasn’t.  I wasn’t left out intentionally. I was left out incidentally.  I don’t need to freak out every time something goes a different way.  I don’t need to freak out that my husband is a different person than me and has different needs.  I don’t need to freak out that he has an easier time socially and needs more social interaction than I do.  That isn’t a reflection on my likeability.  It’s a reflection on where I’m at in life.

The next morning, I explained it to him.  It wasn’t about him, it was about the insecurities the action triggered—which is entirely on me.  Yes, from a literal standpoint, I wanted to know where my husband was.  I hate it when people just disappear.  But I also realized that my insecurities are generated by my mind.  I don’t need an invitation to be with my husband or with my friends. I could have chosen to walk over there as well.  I’m not intruding on anything and the reality is, not everything in life comes with an invitation.  Sometimes you have to just sit down and be part of the crowd.  So that evening, that is exactly what I did.  My son and I went with my husband and we sat around the fire with each other and we all found ourselves completely welcome.  Being open is what matters.  Put the ego aside and sit at the table (or in this case around the fire) and see what happens.  Sometimes when you invite yourself, you invite life.  I’m inviting life from now on.

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