The Storms

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

I have always loved storms.  I don’t know if it’s a thing about where I’m from or if it’s something in my blood but I never really shied away from storms since I was about five years old.  My mother is terrified of them and the littlest cloud in the sky can send her running for the basement so perhaps it was a divisive thing for me, a way to prove I was different.  I honestly don’t know.  Moving where we are now is more open and the weather is different so I do have a different level of respect/healthy fear when it comes to watching how quickly the weather can turn, but I love seeing the power of nature.  I love the feeling of the unknown.  I love the feeling of the air during and after a storm.  I love getting cozy and watching the weather through the window—the whole experience of it.

So why don’t I tolerate the storms in my own life?  Taking an honest stock of the trajectory of my days, I can see where I’ve brought in my own issues and fears, and those are the days I hate the most.  Anything that gets disrupted in my day or doesn’t go to plan feels mildly irritating at a minimum but has the power to derail me if I let it.  It isn’t about MY plan, it’s just that I can’t stand if something doesn’t go as it’s supposed to.  Maybe it’s just a function of my brain to not pivot well, I’m not sure.  But the rain on the roof woke me up this morning and I immediately calmed down and found myself asking these questions—if the rain can put me in such a good mood, why can’t I tolerate the changes in my life?  It’s all part of the same season regardless.

This is now a goal of mine: I want to be more patient and tolerant of the bumps in the road.  I am well aware that things don’t always go smoothly and I know they aren’t meant to, so instead of complaining about it when it happens, I want to pivot.  This is a big mindset shift, transitioning from victim to victor.  It truly means letting go and allowing everything to happen as if it was all part of the plan.  It helps knowing on some level that it truly was all part of the plan anyway, even if it wasn’t my plan.  This is the collapse of ego and wanting to seem always in control, that I knew exactly what was going to happen.  How ridiculous is that?  No one knows everything that is going to happen, why should I get the spoilers?  So I practice breathing and allowing and letting go a bit more each day.  I practice leaning into who I am and who I want to be and recognizing that the challenges I face are either not really challenges or that they will get me where I need to go.  If I love some storms, I can learn to love my storms.  We all can. 

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