Photo by Ylanite Koppens on

This anniversary is a little different.  My husband and I have been together for over two decades.  It hasn’t been the smoothest of relationships.  But I’m loving this phase.  I’m loving the gentleness and the space we are creating for each other.  I love the understanding we are developing for each other.  I love the appreciation we are expressing for each other.  It has been a long road to get here.  I used to celebrate our anniversary like I was checking a box (a familiar pattern I’ve had in my life).  Like it was simply some indicator of time spent, time served with each other.  I look at it differently now.  Time spent together isn’t just about a calendar or getting through something.  It’s about the life you create with each other.  The time spent.  The memories.

In our case we have a full spectrum of memories.  Most people do, don’t get me wrong, but our story spans a time from when we were developing as people together to developing together to learning our own interests again.  Perhaps that is the natural course of things, but I know starting a relationship as young as we did created some patterns we’ve had to break over the years.  Now that we’ve gone through this leg work, we are working on other things.  We’re developing together.  We are learning the process of building together rather than working against each other.  It’s a beautiful thing. 

This anniversary is also an anniversary of a new stepping stone.  We’ve been in our house for over a year now.  Our son completed pre-school and will be starting kindergarten.  We are working on our business together.  I’m opening up more and stepping more comfortably and confidently into my own person.  As much as this anniversary is a celebration of our togetherness, it is also a celebration of who we are as people and how we created this thing together.  In spite of our differences and the troubles we’ve faced over the years, I have always been proud and grateful for both our resilience and our ability to reset. It never gets easier, no, but shifting our focus and rallying together has been our strong point.  This year I am grateful for my husband’s awakening as well as my own.

There was a time I thought coming into our own would destroy our relationship because I feared that we weren’t really who we thought we were.  I thought that awakening would mean we saw each other as someone the other would not openly tolerate or someone that couldn’t be loved anymore as we shifted.  I am so happy and grateful to say that wasn’t the case.  Transformation is hard and when you are set in some ways, we all know how difficult that can be.  We’ve watched each other grow and I wasn’t sure that we could take another evolution because some of those things were not aligning with who we were becoming.  But we haven’t fallen apart.  We truly have grown stronger.  So on this anniversary, I am happy to have my partner and I look forward to our continued evolution together and as individuals. 

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