“Get honest with people about who you are, what you want, and how you expect to be treated. Standards only scare off people not meant for you,” Via sisgetyourshittogether. There comes a time when patterns repeat for too long and you know you have no choice but to make a different decision. I’ve reached such a point in my life on several things, mainly about how I deal with fear. We all logically know that we can’t change how people behave or what they decide to do-that has to come from them. When people show you who they are repeatedly, believe them. There are certain behaviors that simply waste time and energy and if there are other things you need to do with your life, you can’t stay stuck in the cycle of someone else’s nonsense.
With that being said, you can’t stay stuck in the cycle of your own nonsense either. If you constantly violate and betray our own standards and boundaries, you won’t be clear in what you want, either. You won’t be clear in intention and purpose and you’ll constantly fold. Ultimately that becomes a betrayal to yourself because you’re not living up to the potential and life you may have envisioned for yourself. That turns into not fulfilling your purpose. Looking for things to satisfy us externally doesn’t work. Looking for external validation doesn’t work. Honesty and authenticity are the drivers to find who we are and what we need to do.
My version of nonsense is the fear that I mentioned earlier. It stops me from doing what I need to do, it stops me from doing what I want to do, it creates guilt around doing what I want to do, and it creates anxiety about making the decision about what to do. I have a certain pattern I fall into when I feel stressed or when I’m trying to change something and it’s that I go through a phase where I think a certain thing will make me happy or a certain book will hold the answer or buying something to organize my life will “fix” me. I impulse buy and then feel guilty when I figure out what I actually wanted to do was an experience rather than buying things. Now, some of the things I’ve done impulsively have actually worked out quite well. Others I think would have gone better had I committed fully. Some have been mistakes—I’m human. But the common thing in all the impulse is that it was in response to fear and I felt like I could make a decision in that moment rather than just sit on it.
So reconciling that fear means pausing long enough to understand what I’m really looking for instead of jumping in the moment. If that moment calls for me to jump, then that is what I should do, but I can no longer jump simply because I need to move my body. I’m satisfying an itch that isn’t really there. Fear and excitement and nervousness are all closely linked when it comes to what the body feels. So if we can literally move through that feeling, we can better identify what our need is in that moment. The more we get used to doing that the better able we are to get clear on who we are, what we want, what we need, what we are meant to do, and yes, how we expect to be treated.
The beauty of honesty is knowing that we are finally aligned with our purpose and ourselves. We can start at any time. We just have to be willing to really hear it and let go of what we know in order to allow what is meant for us. That helps us keep our boundaries when it comes to our own habits and even more so when it comes to how people treat us and what we will or will not tolerate in any kind of relationship. I don’t profess this is easy, but promise it is worth it. I’m proud of the work I’ve done in recognizing these things about myself and I look forward to moving on to the next level.