Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful for time.  I’ve spent the last week at home with my family and it has been the most amazing, fulfilling week I’ve had in a LONG time.  I knew I needed time off to detach from what was happening at work and a few other places outside the home, but I don’t think I realized the extent I needed it.  I have done more in the last 9 days to reconnect with my family in ways I actually wanted to (not just in ways that time allows) that have opened doors to what I’m looking for in my life.  I have long questioned how I spend my time and I have long known that what I do the majority of most days isn’t it for me.  Having it confirmed and starting to consider new options has felt amazing.  Not only have I reconnected with the people I love, I have reconnected with myself in ways I simply haven’t had time for.  Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that those are the things I need to make a priority.  Fully, completely, without shame, without guilt—that is what is needed.

Today I am grateful for healing.  I’ve been working on healing for months and have shared much of that journey here, but what I am most grateful for after this week was the actual action of healing instead of THINKING about it.  Putting in the time and trying new things, practicing things, connecting and finding the pieces of myself that needed the healing rather than all the pieces around it.  I still have more work to do, but the leas I’ve made over the last few days have slowed the constant spinning vortex of chaotic thoughts and misdirected/multi-directed goals.  I feel like a 100 pound weight has been lifted off of me.

Today I am grateful for experiences.  We all know on an intellectual level that we need to experience life.  What that means IS different to everyone because we all have different goals, interests, and passions/purposes.  When we get stuck in the same routine day after day (like we are told is normal) we lose sight of those moments that bring life back in.  Having the same experience day after day isn’t living—it’s repeating.  This past week has been filled with hundreds of experiences I wouldn’t have gotten to do normally because of work and other commitments during the week, time spent commuting, Experience reframes the mind and opens doors to opportunities we may not have considered/seen without going through it.

Today I am grateful for reminders of who I am.  Years ago I saw a movie that touched me to the core.  The movie is about a man who lives cautiously because he feels the burden of caring for everyone in his family but he spends most of his days in a fantasy world.  He is never fully present where he is because he wants to be somewhere else.  He envisions a completely different life for himself until one day he actually has to go DO the things he was fantasizing about.  In doing those things, his entire life opens up.  He sees the difference between living and dreaming and sees that playing it safe isn’t always safe—that security can go away in a blink.  That moving happened to be on during this time off and I was instantly reminded that I need to find those things that make me come alive.  It’s also appropriate after the “Find Your Golf” piece I wrote—all the puzzle pieces are falling into place. 

Today I am grateful for understanding the priority.  I’ve spent all of this time trying to fit in the life I wanted when I needed to make that life number one.  I carried so much anger and resentment about the things I thought I needed to do when all I needed to do was shift priority and really question what it was I wanted.  Those are the things that matter.  I wrote the other day about not needing permission and learning how to approach a new week going back to the same place without permission will be a test.  But I feel better about it because I know I will be able to redirect that focus.  All of this is temporary and things change all the time.  I can direct that change (within reason) and it is time to do so without questioning it.  The door is open—I can choose differently.

Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.

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