Today I am grateful for new people. My husband ran into one of his old coworkers the other day and they had discussed buying/selling a boat. We took a short trip out there to see the boat so I met him as well as his girlfriend. I didn’t realize how isolated I’ve been, how wrapped up in my own little world I’ve been, until I met these people. I also didn’t realize how much I’ve been craving contact with people outside of work and outside of my own home. There is so much kindness in the world in spite of all the insanity we put each other through. We all just hung out outside talking about different areas of our lives and it was so nice to simply talk. It made me realize how much more I want to expand my world.
Today I am grateful for spontaneous get togethers with the family. After we met up with my husband’s old coworker, we made another quick side trip to see our niece to drop off some toys for her son. We didn’t know that our other niece was also with her so it was such a nice surprise to see both of them. It’s wonderful to see how well they are doing and the wonderful people they are becoming. They both have a maturity beyond their years and a remarkable ability to go with the flow. I give my husband’s family a ton of credit for that: they are all able to go with it. It’s really nice to spend time with people who remind you how to do that.
Today I am grateful for my body. We did a ton of physical work yesterday in preparation of our move. We took down our bed, cleaned the carpet, and packed up our son’s play room. My body nearly completely shut down in April so I’ve really had to be gentle and slowly increase my activity to get some strength back. As I was making multiple trips up and down 30 stairs to get the pieces of our bed stored in the garage, I realized that I’m getting better. I’m still no where near where I used to be, but I was able to handle it. I had to stop several times but I never gave up. I’m feeling it today, but I’m so grateful my body was able to move like that. I know that I will be able to get back to myself again.
Today I am grateful for learning to hold my tongue—a little bit. The last few times we have moved, I have handled the brunt of the work. The packing, the organizing, the unloading, the unpacking. While we worked on our bedroom yesterday, my husband started to not feel well. My immediate thought was, “Bullshit, you just don’t want to do this.” I said some choice words about his laziness in my head—and only in my head. My husband isn’t very good at expressing what the issue really is so he has a tendency to “not feel well” when we need to get something done. I am working hard on breaking the martyr syndrome so I kept all of my anger to myself and continued working. He eventually got it together and started helping. We are moving in 10 days and I think that finally hit him as he saw the extent of the work we have left.
Today I am grateful for breaking the chain of my old habits/mental cycles. I really struggle with spontaneity because I love a plan. I like to know where the pieces are going to fall. I’ve been intentionally practicing staying in the moment and adapting as things change. In some sort of cosmic joke, the more I’ve leaned into it, the more things don’t go according to plan—not that they have gone wrong, just that I’ve had to pivot a lot more in the recent weeks than previously. Either that’s a mark of my stubbornness before or I’m a really bad planner. Maybe both. As frustrating as the pivot can be, I will admit it’s been easier to go with it in most circumstances. There is a lightness that comes with it. There have been a few where I’ve dug my heels in when I felt it really necessary and that actually felt different as well—it wasn’t about proving, it was about doing what was right.
Today I am grateful for foresight. The more I’ve spoken with my boss about the changes coming at work, the more I’m glad I made the decision to lean into change. There are so many things coming up to and including changes in reporting structure that we have no control over. It’s frustrating to not know what that will look like when we do know there is already a plan in place—it just hasn’t been shared. I’m learning to accept that there are certain things that are in play that I won’t have any say in. I can either go with it or I can make a choice to go in a different direction. It isn’t the end of the world. Had I not been focused on accepting things as they come, I would not be able to adapt like that.
Today I am grateful for being in the moment. We are down to the final few days in our current house and getting ready to move onto the next adventure in our lives. We spent a lot of time prepping over the last 24 hours in particular and we spent a good amount of this father’s day packing. We still took some time to drive out to my parent’s house and we came home and napped for about an hour. We got a really nice dinner and we are spending the rest of the evening together, taking some time to pack up miscellaneous things before we dive into the rest of the big stuff. It felt so nice to be able to float in and out of what we were doing, tackling things as we needed to, and still relaxing with each other.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week ahead.