“You can eat the kale. You can drink the alkaline water, take the supplements. Do yoga. But if you don’t deal with the shit going on in your heart and head you’re still unhealthy,” via paradise awakening. Speaking from experience, my head can be a vicious place sometimes. It takes a lot to keep the nasty voices at bay. Doing the work on our souls opens up many doors, many we had closed for a reason. When I talked about emotional intelligence, I spoke about recognizing our patterns and this is part of that work. Knowing that some of the things you do aren’t healthy and that you will have to give them up if you want to move to the next level.
We often feel alone when we break patterns because those we have taken with us on our journeys start to disappear. We can’t take everyone with us as we evolve and we feel lonely. That is when we are most likely to revert back to the patterns we are trying to break. Giving up the patterns that keep us stuck, or that make us feel crappy are all part of awakening. It’s not easy but it is necessary and it takes a ton of determination. You have to decide what you really want and what you are willing to give up to get it. You won’t get a new life without sacrificing your old one.
I’ve been open about my history with anxiety and depression and self-harm. I still have a ton of anxiety. There were days as recent as a month ago that I didn’t know if I’d be able to make it through work because I didn’t know what my coworkers were thinking about me. There were days I couldn’t leave my son because he was crying for me and I felt so guilty for giving him a sense of abandonment that I started to hate myself. But I had to find a way to cope and what helped a little was trying to understand. I don’t mean looking for an answer; when I talk about understanding I am looking at all sides of the story. I am trying to learn everything I can about the situation to see what my possibilities are. Some people call this controlling, but I use this as a means to gauge what I need to do. I haven’t gained the ability to completely flow yet, but I have the ability to accept my options.
Inner work is the most difficult because you will find truths about yourself that you had no idea were even possible. You will find things you hate about yourself. But you need to focus on the things you love. If we are willing to give up the façade we present to everyone ever day and get really honest, you will find some amazing things. You will actually find that a lot of what you don’t like about yourself falls away because you are aligning with who you really are—not the image of what you wanted people to think about you. And that is key. We have to accept the reality of ourselves in order for others to do so. Again, we may lose people and things along the way—but what is meant to be in our lives will always come back to us. What is ours is always ours and it will find us. So do the work. ALL the work, internal and external, and watch how the world changes.