Sunday Gratitude

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Today I am grateful to wake up surrounded by my family.  I woke up early to get some work done and my husband and son were in bed with me and so was the dog.  The cats were milling about in the room as well.  My entire household, the world I love and have created all in one room with me.  How lucky am I?  Granted I didn’t want to be up THAT early…but that is life, and I will say it again, I am damn lucky to be able to experience that love.  That is two weekends in a row waking up like that and it doesn’t get old. 

Today I am grateful for honest conversation.  I’ve been struggling with a situation in my family involving my son and my niece that we haven’t addressed.  I’m glad we took some time to ourselves to really think about it, and today we finally sat and talked.  I feel like there was a degree of resolution for us, but not to the point where I feel comfortable that we are on the same page.  They expressed their thoughts and some of what they said will have an impact on me for a long time because of how they view my son.  At the very least, I know the truth—or their side of the truth.  I’m grateful to know where I stand.  The love is always there, but I feel more comfortable making decisions without their opinion.

To continue that thought, I am grateful to know where I stand with those around me.  I thought of this after the conversation with the family today.  Often it is the initial reaction to a situation that tells people how they feel about you.  It hurts when that happens to be your family.  When you try to be strong enough to handle things on your own and they still make a rash decision about your supposed selfishness.  Again, I know who I am and where my actions come from.  It is so hard to stand my ground but I know that I am ok at the end of the day.  There is a reason why they say other people’s opinions of you are none of your business.

Today I am grateful for transition.  I am opening my arms and embracing what comes my way.  This past year has turned so many things upside down for so many people, no one is alone in that.  The past six months have been particularly challenging for me, but I feel confident that I am exactly where I need to be.  There were many tears shed but I am happy for the growth.  I am not the same person I was a year ago—I am who I need to be.  Even little things, like the chaos of this move have seemed easier.  Just because things don’t go according to plan doesn’t mean they are wrong. It gets old hearing the same story over and over again so sometimes we need to change up the tune and go with it. 

Today I am grateful to embrace who I am.  Along with transition, that means accepting who I am.  This will always be a challenge so any little step I can take toward self-acceptance is a big deal.  I tend to take opinions to heart and I’ve spent a lot of time downplaying who I am, hiding myself, or pretending I don’t really want something.  I’m really proud of the work my husband and I have done together to get where we are going.  We are so blessed and I will no longer down play the beautiful gifts I have in my life to make anyone comfortable.  I want to show people that being comfortable with who they are is what gets them where they want to go.

Today I am grateful for true spontaneity.  We took a long drive today, just to get out of the house.  We listened to music, we ended up at a lake looking at boats, we had a light lunch, and we talked.  We haven’t had that kind of lightness for quite some time and it felt beautiful.  While we were having lunch, my son said to me, “Mommy, I love it when you make your happy face.”  I almost burst into tears.  Tears because I truly felt happy and tears because I couldn’t remember the time it felt that joyful, tears because my son recognizes that level of emotion in his mother already.  And I realized that I need to experience that joy more.  The things we value in this life, the things I thought I valued were not my own.  Those moments with my family are what are really important.  I’ve felt for so long that I needed to achieve a certain level of success in my life in order to have those moments and today I realized they are freely available any time.  I just have to let them happen.

Wishing you all a wonderful week!

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