A Little Pause and a Big Reminder

My energy is a little erratic tonight.  I wanted to continue the discussion from yesterday about steps to take to embrace our humanity and I had an entire article written but I believe part of embracing humanity is recognizing when a message is coming through.  And tonight this message is loud and clear. 

I’ve been in a state of “not enough” for a few days now.  I feel like I’m not doing enough.  My attention is pulled in a million directions with work, my side projects, reorganizing my home, changing my home around, raising a toddler, and five animals to take care of.  So not only do I feel like I’m not doing enough, I know I’m not doing enough of what I want to be doing.  If I’m really honest, I’m not 100% sure what that is at this moment.

We all have our highs and lows and this is a downsweep for me right now.  I know this is about breaking the pattern.  The truth is I also feel really motivated but I’m just not sure for what.  Maybe it’s a hormonal ambivalence.  I love this feeling because it is raw potential but I feel like no action I take right now is going to be enough.

In the spirit of taking care of ourselves in small ways, I wanted to make the conscious choice to accept where I am.  So instead of spending hours lamenting how I feel and that I’m not doing enough or that I’m not progressing, I took action.  I cleaned the kitchen and organized under the sink.  I put together some puzzles with my kid.  I started writing.  So the feeling isn’t completely gone, but I do feel better.  The energy isn’t so stagnant. 

I know that any steps I take tonight, no matter how small, are steps.  Sometimes they just take a little more effort.  Scattered energy isn’t productive energy because it is just movement—it isn’t action.  But energy that feels like it takes more effort doesn’t make it non-productive.  Accept it, do what you can, and move on.  Tonight I’m going to call it early, relax, and start again tomorrow.     

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