Photo by Alex Andrews on Pexels.com

I’ve been in a cyclical funk over the last few weeks–constantly up and down, not really happy, not really sad.  Just an overall discontent.  Today, I literally felt myself completely snap out of it.  I’ve always listened to a lot of self-help and have read a lot of self-help books as well, but for whatever reason, it just HIT me today.  All the lessons, all the repetition of mantras and affirmations, all the explanations of self-worth just clicked.

I worked on a ton of creative projects at work today.  It was appropriate because after listening to the chakra series about DOING yesterday, I dove right in and felt so much of my creativity unlock.  A contract that I had been waiting for came through so I felt like I was finally able to move forward with so many of the projects that have just been stagnant.  Taking that action literally felt like a wave had been unleashed.  That power made me feel unstoppable.  I felt myself immediately saying that this is the state that I want to be in all the time.

I happened to see a picture of some known celestial bodies.  I’ve always loved looking at images like that so this one in particular caught my eye.  It was an image comparing the size of these celestial bodies, the smallest of which was the sun.  Thinking of the fact that the sun can fit something like 1.3 million Earths in it and that the sun looked like an atom in these photos stopped me in my tracks.  Some of the bodies in this image were billions of times bigger.  That sense of smallness actually made me feel more connected than I had in a long time.  It made me feel that there is no reason to hold back.  There is no reason to fear anything.

This world is about having fun and in the cosmic scale of things, this is small potatoes.  It made me realize that I can absolutely go for anything I decide.  It is my decision to let my fears impact me and hold me back and it is also my decision to push those fears aside and move forward with what feels right.  I feel like when there are such powerful moments of clarity like that, you have to listen.  I also feel like that breakthrough is a sign I am absolutely on the right path.  To realize that the universe is big enough to handle whatever ideas I throw at it is extremely comforting.  To realize that my mistakes are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things helps me keep perspective.

There’s no reason to not enjoy the here and now.  I am grateful for every moment.  There’s no reason to not go for the biggest dreams we can think of.  Who knows what magic waits for us on the other side of fear.  All it takes is waking up from our trance and realizing we have the power to connect at ANY time and to hear the universe’s message–that little voice that says “Go for it.”

Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

Today was one of those days where no matter what happened, my brain was locked in a funk.  Everything felt off, my timing felt off, and I just felt generally grumpy.  Not a good place to be.  Even on the ride home, I still felt like crap and every little thing about the ride irritated me.

So, trying some new practices, I listened to my body.  The first thing I felt was hunger.  So I shared a banana with my kid and ate some sunflower seeds in the car.  Immediately, I felt calmer.  Not necessarily better, but I definitely felt calmer.  I don’t know if it’s the time change messing with my mind more than usual, but I normally don’t get hungry that early.  Regardless of the reason, that is what my body was feeling at the moment.

When I got home, I ate the dinner that my husband had ready for me.  Thank god for my man knowing me so well after 18 years—sometimes he knows me better than I know myself.  Felt even better.  I drank a ton of water too.  I didn’t overeat (I did have some candy—hey, I’m still human) and the water helped rehydrate me.

After eating, I knew the next thing I had to do was take care of myself.  I told my husband I was going to take a shower so I did just that.  I showered in really warm water, took the time to really clean my hair, condition my hair, and wash my body.  I trimmed and cleaned my nails, and then totally made myself feel better by using one of my favorite lotions.

Once I was done with that, I put away laundry.  It felt really good to organize and clean and put away piles of clothes that were cluttering space.  Just doing one thing toward organizing my home made me feel like I accomplished something.

Finally, I watched a video about opening chakras.  The subject is something that piqued my interest and I took it as a sign that it showed up on my feed tonight.  Learning the signs of how I could be blocking my chakras opened my eyes to how I’m blocking the flow of a lot of things in my life.  Even with all the work I’ve been doing, I’m STILL getting in my own way!!  I’m grateful for that lesson because it goes to show that learning is a never ending thing and self-improvement takes a lot of practice.  It was yet another reminder about letting go, trusting the natural flow of life, and just going with it.  Sometimes it’s about giving up control and responding to what is happening right in front of you.

My plan for the rest of the night is to read a little, brush my teeth, rest well, and wake up ready for tomorrow.  It’s a new day and I’d like to start it by opening my mind to the possibilities rather than with a set list of what I have to do.  Keep the reminders coming about staying aware of my physical triggers, and responding from a place of authenticity.  And most importantly, just taking things one step at a time.

Photo by Jillian Morkan on Pexels.com

On Halloween, I feel like this is an appropriate topic.  I’m not talking about the fact that my son told me he saw a ghost in his room the other night…  I’m talking about the demons in our minds.  The vices we can’t leave behind, the past we continue reliving, the habits, the arguments, the ego.  I’m talking about the dark that goes with the light.

We all have dark and light in us and it is what we choose to focus on that matters;  it is what we focus on that will grow and flourish.  The human soul has capacity to live limitlessly.  It is our own constraints that hinder us and that is also part of the shadow side.  I feel myself going to war with this shadow side nearly every day lately.  Even as I write words to help people realize they aren’t alone, I am often fighting that very battle.  I read my horoscope today and it talked about coming home to the core of my being and confronting the ghosts and demons of my past.  It advised acknowledging and listening to them and understanding them. This reminds me of a Buddhist practice of understanding that which challenges us rather than fight it.  Taking the time to listen rather than beat whatever the issue is into submission.  Sometimes that means realizing that it isn’t an issue in the first place.

I am sure I’m not the only one to feel like they have more demons than most and when faced with the idea of confronting them it is more than a little daunting.  I have beaten myself up nearly my entire life on an endless track of repeating the mistakes I’ve made.  I’ve created this monster in my head that constantly reminds me of every misstep, every social miscue, every blunder, every bomb out.  It makes me feel like I’m living my life in a state of 20/20 review all the time.  I’m an expert in what I should have done after the fact.  And then I beat myself up that I don’t have the opportunity to correct whatever faux pas or infraction I did.  I mean, I literally still think about things from 30 years ago and feel it as if it just happened.

Needless to say the thought of being alone with that makes me a little twitchy.  But after reading that horoscope, I find myself curious as to what the dark side would say.  I can’t say for sure if that is something I will be ready to share for a while, but I think in the spirit of figuring that out in order to achieve what I am working on, it would be worth it to see what it needs and why it has been sticking around for so long.  Embrace the dark within the light.  Accept that it is part of me and stop causing damage to myself by punishing that small part of who I am.

As today is Halloween, it is also the ancient festival of Samhain.  It is the beginning of winter—the harvest is complete.  It is time to go within and replenish and restore.  Perhaps this season is a season of repair for the soul as well.  A time to listen to the guidance within and make peace with who I am.   I am grateful for this day and the opportunity to befriend all parts of me.  Happy Halloween…