Confronting Demons

black boo box
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On Halloween, I feel like this is an appropriate topic.  I’m not talking about the fact that my son told me he saw a ghost in his room the other night…  I’m talking about the demons in our minds.  The vices we can’t leave behind, the past we continue reliving, the habits, the arguments, the ego.  I’m talking about the dark that goes with the light.

We all have dark and light in us and it is what we choose to focus on that matters;  it is what we focus on that will grow and flourish.  The human soul has capacity to live limitlessly.  It is our own constraints that hinder us and that is also part of the shadow side.  I feel myself going to war with this shadow side nearly every day lately.  Even as I write words to help people realize they aren’t alone, I am often fighting that very battle.  I read my horoscope today and it talked about coming home to the core of my being and confronting the ghosts and demons of my past.  It advised acknowledging and listening to them and understanding them. This reminds me of a Buddhist practice of understanding that which challenges us rather than fight it.  Taking the time to listen rather than beat whatever the issue is into submission.  Sometimes that means realizing that it isn’t an issue in the first place.

I am sure I’m not the only one to feel like they have more demons than most and when faced with the idea of confronting them it is more than a little daunting.  I have beaten myself up nearly my entire life on an endless track of repeating the mistakes I’ve made.  I’ve created this monster in my head that constantly reminds me of every misstep, every social miscue, every blunder, every bomb out.  It makes me feel like I’m living my life in a state of 20/20 review all the time.  I’m an expert in what I should have done after the fact.  And then I beat myself up that I don’t have the opportunity to correct whatever faux pas or infraction I did.  I mean, I literally still think about things from 30 years ago and feel it as if it just happened.

Needless to say the thought of being alone with that makes me a little twitchy.  But after reading that horoscope, I find myself curious as to what the dark side would say.  I can’t say for sure if that is something I will be ready to share for a while, but I think in the spirit of figuring that out in order to achieve what I am working on, it would be worth it to see what it needs and why it has been sticking around for so long.  Embrace the dark within the light.  Accept that it is part of me and stop causing damage to myself by punishing that small part of who I am.

As today is Halloween, it is also the ancient festival of Samhain.  It is the beginning of winter—the harvest is complete.  It is time to go within and replenish and restore.  Perhaps this season is a season of repair for the soul as well.  A time to listen to the guidance within and make peace with who I am.   I am grateful for this day and the opportunity to befriend all parts of me.  Happy Halloween…

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